(Closed) How would you feel if he told you this?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

A year or two isn’t that long in the grand scheme of your lives together! It’ll go much faster than you think:)

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would be happy that he was giving some time of time line. Why can’t you be together either way?

Post # 5
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’d be happy he said he wanted to marry me!  A couple more years will pass in the blink of an eye.  What’s the rush?

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i have zero patience (and im already in my 30’s), i would be thinking omg two whole years.  goodluck, i know its tough being ready to start the next part of your life and not being able to 

Post # 8
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

The most important thing is that he does want to marry you. Maybe you could get engaged in a year or so and married in 2-3 years. Trust me the time will pass quicker than you think.

Post # 9
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

I know it seems like a lot but really time flies! It’s exciting that he’s on that page, I mean two is better than, say, four?

I totally understand how you feel(trust me) but don’t nag for a sooner date because who knows, maybe he’ll decide to throw you off and ask earlier!

If you get the wedding itch, Weddingbee is a great place to let it out and a little secret internet dress searching beforehand never hurt anyone 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hmm well if he wants to get married in a year or two, how long does he plan on being engaged to you for? I know a lot of couples that have “long” engagements of several years, so maybe it’s not as far off as you think!

 

I’m currently waiting as well (although Boyfriend or Best Friend has bought the ring and told me he wants to get married next year), but it has been really hard waiting, especially after we moved in together and got a lot more serious.

 

If he loves you and wants to marry you someday, that’s all you really need!

Post # 11
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

I would be happy that he wants to marry me! I’m in a bit of a similar position as you, so maybe I can help put it in persepctive. 

My boyfriend and I are coming up on the two-year mark, and he’s not totally sure of our future together. He said he wants to know whether or not he wants to marry me by the two-year mark, so we’ve been having a lot of discussions about the future lately, mostly initiated by him. He loves me to pieces, and all that mushy stuff, but there are still a lot of unknowns on his side.

For instance, his family lives overseas, and I haven’t seen them in a year, nor have I met his extended family at all, so he’s not sure how accepting they will be of me (being of a different race, culture, and nationality), and he wants me to get a chance to interact with them more. (We may move to this location – Hong Kong – in a few years, if we stay together, so this is somewhat important to know, I guess.)

Also, we are both just starting out in our careers, and he has expressed a desire for both of us to get a little more established before combining our lives together. 

There are some other smaller “issues” as well that he is uncertain on, but you get the idea. 

A couple weeks ago, he said he couldn’t see himself getting engaged for at least another 2 years. I agree with him that we both need to get a bit more settled in our lives and figure a few things out first, so I understand where he’s coming from there. I am patient, and I can wait it out. 

But I would feel more comfortable waiting if I knew that he had every intention of marrying me~ and right now, he’s not 100% sure. I told him that he doesn’t have to know by our two-year anniversary, and if it takes him longer, that’s fine~ I won’t go anywhere. I love him, and don’t want him to feel pressured by this arbitrary timeline he’s schemed up. 

But if he told me he DEFINITELY wanted to get married at some point in the future, I would be super excited. At least then I would know that I’m not being strung along and I would feel that we are both truly and equally committed to the relationship. 

So, with regards to your situation, I think that you should at least be happy that your guy wants you in his future, and has marriage on the brain. And as other posters have said, a year or two is not that much in the grand scheme of things. It will fly by before you know it! And you may not even have to wait that long either. So I think that it’s a good thing, and you should focus on the positives in this situation. Hope this helps! =]

 

Post # 12
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

A year or two will fly by!  I’m kinda in the same boat, my fiance is in the military and I’m still in school, so we’re long (very long! lol) distance and we’re waiting to get married until after I finish school in two years.  At first I wanted to just get married in a year when he gets back from deployment, but then I decided it would probably be more responsible on my part to just wait it out and get my degree and to get married when we could actually live together.  So now we’re having a super long engagement.  Which also might be an option you guys can discuss.  Either way, I really think it’ll go by faster than you’re anticipating.  Plussss, he wants to marry you!  Yay!!!!!!

Post # 13
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

at 2 years together, i would be fine.it would be nice to know that he was thinking of our future.

but i understand how you feel. i’m in an ldr and i did experience a sinking heart when i heard that timeline in terms of us moving to be together. it’s tough to wait especially when you’re so ready to just get on with life and be together but you know, it’ll happen soon enough [though it’s honestly never soon enough]. but i would just focus on the fact that he knows that he wants to marry you! there are plenty of people who are dealing with SOs who are still figuring that part out after 2 years together. so happy thoughts!

Post # 14
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I was with my fiance for 4 1/2 years before we got engaged and at the 2/3 year mark he was starting to sometimes say things like this.  I think it was a bit easier for me cause we did take some big steps in the interim, like moving in together, buying a house, and buying a cat (yes thats the biggest commirrment!!). 

I think that if you love him and genuinely want to be together, so what you can to distract yourself from the idea of getting engaged and just enjoy the time you get to spend together.  It sounds like it will happen!

Post # 15
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@Sanfranny1: Why rush, it sounds pretty sensible of him to want to wait, I wanted to wait till I had finished my study too, how old are you, unless you are in your mid 30s and your clock is ticking what’s the rush.

Post # 16
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

Sanfranny, I can relate to your situation in so many ways.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been in an LDR for 2 years too.  We had talked about getting married in the next year or so, but due to changes in my career path, it didn’t make sense.  When we first came to this conclusion, I wasn’t at all happy.  At this point, we are waiting I can figure out where I’ll be the next few years.  I was upset (I can be VERY impatient), but then Boyfriend or Best Friend reassured me that I am his future wife, and we will get married when the time is right.  

Being in an LDR can cause an array of challenges aside from the challenges of any (non-long distance) relationship.  One of the perks, though, is that we have developed incredible communication skills.  I would suggest talking to him about it and really letting him know how you feel.  For me, having the reassurance that he and I are on the same page is very comforting even though it’s not exactly what I was hoping for.  I guess it helps me to look at the situation more positively and appreciate the fact that I have met and am madly in love with the man of my dreams. . .and it always helps when he refers to me as his “future wife”! 

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