(Closed) How would you feel if you had wedding crashers?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: I would be upset if someone crashed my wedding... (3 part poll)

    1) at all

    2) and danced with the crowd

    3) and drew attention to themselves with their dancing

    4) and talked to my guests

    5) and drank from the bar

    6) and ate the food

    7) and ate cake/dessert

    8) and congratulated us (the bride and groom)

    9) I wouldn't be upset by any of it!

  • Post # 17
    5109 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think I would be annoyed. I have invited everyone that I love and want to be there. If your not invited. I dont want you to be there and god help you if you show up. lol

    Post # 18
    566 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I wouldn’t care too much if they behaved themselves. As long as they didn’t punch grandma in the face and steal her cane I’d be okay. No starting fights and no eating other people’s food. I don’t care if they drink. I already paid for the open bar so somebody better drink! I’ve crashed a random dorm party once but I don’t think I could crash a wedding.

    Post # 19
    1692 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t consider it “crashing” to attend the public ceremony at a church or in a public place; and in most jurisdictions the law in fact requires that the ceremony be treated as a public event, in some jurisdictions even going to the point of legislating that the door to the room may not be closed. I know many modern brides consider their ceremony private, which I find rather skewed. They are going to use the new status conferred by the ceremony to publicly claim certain rights: inheritance, dower property, support, pension, insurance and implicit power of attorney being examples. Those rights are all recognized by the public, so how can the ceremony be private?

    The reception, however, follows the rules of any social event: the hostess is responsible for the selection of the company, as she stands as guaranteur to each and every guest, for the respectability of every other guest. A “crasher” undermines her ability to fulfil that responsibility — quite aside from such tawdry considerations as how much he costs her in food and drink. If he ingratiates himself by being charming and understated, and helping keep the party going, he may win forgiveness; but really, isn’t this why hotels and clubs hire security? If he didn’t charm me in the first two minutes — for example, on my way to the house phone to call the venue manager for a bouncer to be sent over — he would find himself being bounced.

    Post # 20
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’d be annoyed if they helped themselves to food and drink – especially the bar, which will be a per-drink cost. Otherwise.. I think I’d just be baffled.

    ETA – although a bouncer might make for interesting wedding pics!

    Post # 21
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I would be rather honored unless they were causing a scene or making people uncomfortable. I am planning to have my wedding in a public park and I am so hoping to get pics with kids who came to play (just more random weirdness from me LOL). Honestly I would be honored that people thought we were having such a good time they wanted to join in. I just hope no ex’s show up Tongue out.

    Post # 22
    3315 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    We actually has ceremony “crashers.”  The entire staff of the synagogue was so excited about our wedding that they asked if it would be ok to attend.  We were honored, and said yes.

    For the reception, our only real concern was accidental crashers–people who didn’t realize that this wasn’t a normal night at the club where we had our reception.  We told the security staff that they should let in anyone who could name either one of the brides.  Then again, we had a fixed price open bar and had far more food than we needed.

    Post # 23
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Once my invited guest has had enough to eat and drink and once they are not there to cause any trouble i won’t mind…i am actually having an off duty police officer there to ensure that if his exwife and her family shows up, which i’m sure they will, they won’t even make it in the building

    Post # 24
    2656 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Love this thread!lol As long as I have the room and the food, Im fine with it. Unless they try to make trouble, then no.

    Post # 25
    1398 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If I am paying per head for the catering and I have a caterer doing a head count, I’d be mad.

    I was at a bridal fair several months ago and I got into a conversation with a vendor, a DJ and he said “hey I’m doing this wedding at the Blackhawk next weekend. You should come by and check it out and see me in action.” That automatically turned me off, and let me know he wasn’t the vendor for me. The fact that he was inviting me to basically crash at someone elses wedding reception to drum up business for himself. Now, I wonder how many people did show up at this poor couples wedding reception, and take advantage of their hospitality at this DJs invitation.

    Post # 26
    9048 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We had “crashers” at our ceremony.  It was in a park, and my husband is a police officer, so he was wearing his uniform, along with our 6 honour guard.  I think people thought perhaps some sort of of public event was going on, and then obviously were embarrased to get up and leave once the bride started walking down the aisle.  I kind of noticed, but was like..hmm… maybe those are DH’s relatives that I haven’t met?

    The only thing that sucked is that my family is notoriously late, so the crashers had taken up most of the chairs, and many of our actual guests had to stand.

    But, funny story more than anything at the end of the day.

    Post # 27
    6253 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I used to do stuff like this in my early twenties. Once we crashed a wedding and made jokes about where the bride and groom had run off to, only to find we had in reality crashed some sort of a church banquet. Oops.

    If people crash my wedding, cool. As long as there are leftovers, they can eat, and as long as there’s leftover booze, they can drink. All I ask is that they not be dicks, not mess with anyone’s purses and things, and not wreck up the place.

    Post # 28
    30 posts
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @ddw: I am trying not to dwell on it, but I have been warned by the staff at my venue that wedding crashers are quite common there. Apparently since it is normally locked people will take the opportunity to be able to come in and explore. I am not thrilled about it, but really what can I do?

    For anyone interested, this is our venue: mrps.org

    Post # 29
    71 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I would probably punch them.

    Post # 31
    3521 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I wouldn’t be bothered at all–I’d laugh it off and think it was awesome, and DH would, too!

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