(Closed) How would you feel if your marriage counselor….

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@LadyLuna711:  It happens.  Why should the Marriage Counsellor be any different than anyone else, or held to a higher standard ?

Dr Phil says there are 5 primary causes for divorce… and they all begin with A.

Addiction – Abuse – Adultry – Amoral Behaviour – and Apathy

The later can be in any format where one or both partners isn’t doing enough to “nurture” the relationship.

Such as not spending enough time together… or putting work, inlaws etc as a higher priority in life. 

Apathy is the easiest of the lot to fix (the others are usually dealbreakers) but it is also the one that needs to be caught earlier enough to do so (the others by the time one figures out there is an issue, the problem is usually to BIG to repair)

Apathy is a modern day disease… the only solution is “preventive medicine” on behalf of the couple from day one.

Hope this helps,

PS… To be honest a Marriage Cousellor who goes thru the HELL of divorce is probably going to be an AWESOME therapist when they come out the other side… because they’ll be able to convey to their clients WHY it is important to do all they can to avoid that rocky road.

Just like I myself, do a good job here on WBee advising women who are with Abusive Partners to leave now when things are just flaring up, versus holding on in hopes that the man will change (they don’t).

Infact I would think that by my experiencing such a bad relationship (and now such a good one) that I would be a good judge of character having learned my life lessons well, albeit late in life

Ie versus the idea… Don’t listen to her about relationships, afterall she was in an abusive one for over 20 years. 

My being in an abusive relationship for over 20 years, is exactly the reason WHY I can see how much value a GOOD RELATIONSHIP is what mistakes I made the first time round that stopped me from finding that, and what things I did the second time around to make sure it didn’t happen again.


Post # 4
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Why would it be weird? There are lots of reasons why people get divorces, some of them you can’t talk through.

Post # 5
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

It wouldn’t surprise me. People are people, no matter what the profession. 

Post # 6
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would be seeing a different marriage counselor. First, it’s really not professional or appropriate for them to discuss their own marriage. Second, well….the obvious.

Post # 7
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Wouldnt suprise me. but why is that a negative? other than them talking about themselves is that considered a professional violation? Because don’t substance abuse consular talk about their former struggles? As long as it was mentioned once in proper context and doesn’t become a centerpiece of your talks it wouldn’t bother me.



Post # 8
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It’s a bit like an oncologist having cancer. It’s ironic, it’s sad and it’s human. I wouldn’t read much into it, unless of course he becomes so bitter about marriage he can no longer do his job properly. 

Post # 9
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

While I agree it’s unprofessional for them to discuss their own personal life with you, some things are non-negotiable in a relationship.  She may even have better insight into where her relationship could have been salvaged but if she and/or her husband weren’t willing to do anything about it, then divorce was somewhat inevitable.

For example, some friends of mine are thinking about divorce.  The major problem is that he loves to party and she prefers to stay home.  Neither of them are willing to compromise; he isn’t willing to stay home a few nights here and there AND she isn’t willing to go out and party a few nights here and there.  They separated for a little while, then got back together, but they both refuse to compromise and they are both miserable.

That said, if it lowers your trust in them and their ability to work through your problems, then you need to find a new therapist.

Post # 10
4950 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As long as his/her counseling is still working for you, I don’t think it’s an issue. It’s possible his/her partner cheated or some other thing happened that is a deal breaker for your counselor. You can’t fix everything and you can really only change your own behavior, so it’s possible the situation was just irrepairable. Sometimes professionals also don’t follow their own advice. You never know. 

Post # 11
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I persoanlly do not see it as a problem. I have seen ministers get divorces and they perform wedding ceremonies as well as provide pre-marital counseling!

Post # 12
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

marriage counselors are only human.  they are not immune to divorce. 

i am curious to know if there is more of a reason than the one they gave.

Post # 14
10 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

When my fiancé and I started seeing our therapist it came up that he was divorced. I was suprised when I heard it and although I never found out the reason why, I admit, I was judgmental of him. I even considered not seeing him anymore just because he was divorced! But after I thought about it I realized that it would have been a really stupid reason to stop seeing someone who was helpful just because he was a therapist who happened to be divorced. 

We kept seeing him and he was a big help, my fiancé and I went from considering splitting up and dealing with custody (we have a son together) to being engaged, learning how to deal with issues and being able to communicate again. I think that’s what matters more, is that he was such a big help to us and we would not be getting married and happy if it weren’t for his help. 

Post # 15
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

My dentist uses the professional services of another dentist. He doesn’t fix his own teeth. No reason marriage counselors can’t see marriage counselors.  If anything, this shows that your counselor truly believe that counseling can be a big help in a troubled relationship.


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