Post # 1
Please tell my how you would feel if you were in this situation. Disclaimer: I know this has no bearing or effect on my life. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t affect my journey whatsoever and my time will come when the time is right. I understand that.
Back in the end of May a coworker asked me when my husband and I were going to have a baby. I told coworker we were not preventing and just seeing what happened. But hopefully something would happen sooner rather than later. (I had just gone off the pill that month)
So I then asked the same question to my coworker. She went off on a long winded speech about how babies were not in the cards for them right now and it was just something that would happen later on in their lives.
Our work gives us a break over the summer, so we went on break. Fast forward to August first day back to work and same coworker comes up to me and first thing she says to me is that she is pregnant. In a very happy and excited tone
I felt confused and lied to. I wasn’t sure how to respond for a second and then I was gracious and responded gleefully. But inside I felt kinda betrayed. I know nobody has to explain the reproductive life to you but clearly this was a happy accident or she just flat out lied to my face, less than two months ago. Coworker was about month and a half when she told me, quite early. She Then throws salt in the wound unknowingly by saying that she figured I would be knocked up by now.
Post # 2
Why is she entitled to tell you whether it was a happy accident or whether she changed her mind? And why do you care?
Post # 3
You feel LIED to and BETRAYED? Sorry, but that’s ridiculous. You have zero idea if they were trying or not. She’s allowed to be happy she is pregnant even if it was unplanned. You also don’t know if she/they were dealing with infertility issues, and she didn’t want to get her own hopes up. I literally give that exact same speech to anyone who asks about when we’ll have children — I don’t go into the fact that I have reproductive issues, but just say that it will likely be later. If I got knocked up tomorrow, I’d be thrilled. And I would really hope my friends would be happy for me, too.
You’re SAYING the right thing but admitting it has zero to do with your life, but you’re not acting that way. I hope you can pull it together and be happy for your coworker/friend. This truly has nothing to do with you.
For her to say that she expected you to be knocked up by now was not the most tactful. However, given the timeline you presented here, it seems like you can’t have been trying for more than two months, so I REALLY would not get worked up about that.
Post # 4
LoveWillLightTheWay : Honestly, I would probably assume they’re making the best of an unexpected surprise. But it’s nobody’s business and you have no right to expect that she would explain herself to you. Maybe they were dealing with infertility or what they thought was infertility, and she figured it’s less awkward for everyone if she just says “yeah, not in the cards right now” rather than giving a long drawn out story. It’s absurd to feel “betrayed” that a co-worker — not even a friend — didn’t share the details of her sex life with you during a brief casual water-cooler conversation. She did not betray you, she probably didn’t even lie to you. You’ve found a way to make her pregnancy about you — cut it out.
Post # 5
I know it’s none of my business and she owes me no explanation.
edited to add: This isn’t some random coworker, I consider this person a friend. As we’ve worked on many projects together and spent a lot of time together hanging out outside of work doing non work related activities.
Post # 6
LoveWillLightTheWay : I felt confused and lied to.
You are making this about you, when it is nothing to do with you. So what if it was a happy accident? Perhaps she has had time to get used to the idea of being pregnant and is now excited.
Get over it.
Post # 7
She didn’t lie to you. Some people just don’t like to share personal information. Especially at work!
Just act happy for her. You don’t have to feel happy but act like it.
Post # 8
For all you know she was told she would never conceive naturally and when she was saying it would happen later in life she might have been talking about the need to save up for very expensive fertility/IVF treatments or adoption.
Thinking you have been lied to and somehow owed an explanation is not being a very good or supportive friend.
Post # 9
To answer your question regarding how I would feel in that situation: I would feel happy for her. End of discussion.
ETA: Although questioning why you aren’t “knocked up” yet was rather insensitive on her part.
Post # 10
She was six weeks when she told you after your break? So she wasn’t pregnant in May.
I’m guessing she was trying in May and was having trouble. A co-worker asked me when DH and I were having kids and I said that we weren’t. Darling Husband and I tried for a while and struggled, and this co-worker asked me about about it right in the thick of the hardest part and I had just given up on TTC. That was also the cycle I got pregnant. We didn’t tell anyone until 16 weeks, just in case.
I get where you are coming from, and my co-worker had some questions too. But for me it was totally innocent. At the time I said I thought we would never have kids, I believed it. But then life laughed at me, and blessed me.
Post # 11
1. Maybe they were having trouble conceiving and they were saiving money for IUI or IVF and so she said it’s not in the cards for a while and then she had the awesomest surprise when she got pregnant without help!
2. Maybe she really wasnt trying and it really was ab accident?
Either way… I knownit may hurt when someone else is getting what you really want… but your turn will come. Just be happy for her. Jealousy amd resentment are not good. Grudges are not good. You are trying to make a baby… let go of unecessary bs stress, it’s not good for you.
Post # 12
Just to clear up a few things.
I am happy for them. They are a cute couple and have the most kindest hearts.
I have gone on overnight girl trips with this person and other girls from our office, so it’s not like we are just random acquaintances. We work in a small office with many young girls (varying ages in our twenties) and we are all like family, we are all close. Some us are closer to some girls than others but we are like a big family.
We’ve had conversations about all sorts of stuff. Even our other close coworker/friend was open with us about her journey to conceiving. As she told us when they were planning and we were all happy/excited about it. That’s actually how the conversation came about we were discussing the planning of that friend/coworkers baby shower. (We had it last weekend it was so cute and fun! She’s due any day now.)
When she was saying later in life she was not referring to conceiving issues, just them being too young. Her and her husband are both in their mid 20s and he’s not getting benefits at his job yet. He’s up for a really good promotion this quarter, so all the girls in our group were excited that we would have another little one to fawn over after that.
If she would have given me some vague answer I would have taken it differently I was just surprised I guess.
I mean if you ask your friend if they want steak for dinner (or any other random thing) and they go on a speech preaching against it and then the next week they tell you they went and got steak for dinner you wouldn’t be surprised?
Post # 13
It kinda sounds to me like she’s trying to make lemonade out of lemons. It sounds like she wasn’t planning for it to happen soon and then surprise! I only say that because the exact same thing happened to me with my friend. She was very anti-kid and then a month later she tells me she’s pregnant. I was totally happy for her! She’s super excited about it, just wasn’t ready for it.
Post # 14
She probably had her reasons for not telling you the whole situation. The last extra comment could have been her attempt at humor or breaking the awkwardness or something. I would just be happy for her and move on.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t feel betrayed necessarily, but it seems like she was digging for information on your childbearing status so she could maybe gauge where she should be in life. And it looks like maybe she caught up to where she thought you’d be by now.
In the grand scheme of things, you’re right, it doesn’t affect your life or journey at all, but if she asks you anymore about your childbearing future, I’d just change the subject back to her, that’s probably where she wants the subject to be anyway.