(Closed) How would you handle this?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@speechgal44:  What price were you expecting to get when you were asking?  

Post # 4
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That is really tough, but you should never assume something is a gift and you should never expect a gift/something to be a gift even if she is putting you off about the cost of things. It is definitely wrong of her to handle that how she did and is really putting you guys in an awkward spot. Given the situation, and the fact that your husband has to work with her, If I were you I would just pay it and be done with it, and never ask her to anything like that for me ever again. 

Post # 6
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@Miss.GrahamCracker:  Agree! I would have told her long ago that you’re going with another vendor since she couldn’t commit to a price…

Post # 8
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Unfortunately, I think you have to pay her. It’s annoying that she didn’t quote you a price, but she did provide you with the cupcakes. I don’t think it could be counted as a gift since you asked her to do it. I would just pay her and count it as a lesson learned. 

Post # 10
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I got quoted $2-$3 a cupcake. I think you should have insisted on a price and they should have given it at cost. But what is done is done and I would pay it.

Post # 11
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think her gift-giving status should affect this at all.  She never said it would be a gift.

Post # 12
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh yuck!  That sucks.  

Sadly, I’d probably just pay the amount she quoted and then cool-off the friendship/don’t ask for help/favours/etc again.  To be honest, the cupcake/lack of thank you card/no gift situation tells you what kind of person you’re dealing with.  


Post # 13
2889 posts
Sugar bee

If you feel it is appropriate, I would let her know you were surprised at the cost and assumed it would come in to about $1 per cup cake. I would also stress the fact that you had asked her for a quote previously and when she didn’t give you one, you based your budget off of what you paid for the groom’s cake. She said she thought it was a fair price which I think would open you up to suggest that you think $150 would be a fair price. That would be $1 per cup cake plus $40 for the topper. Maybe you should also remind her of the costs you already covered. This is of course only appropriate if she said she would not charge you for her time. If she is charging you for materials plus execution and you knew that I think you just need to pay her. I don’t think $225 is out of line for what she delivered but it sounds like she had offered to do this as a friend who wanted to help you out not as a for profit business. 

You chose to invite her and her son and you chose to gift him. I don’t think it is fair for you to feel like she owes you a gift or even fair to assume that she was gifting you the cupcakes. $225 is significantly more than I would gift a co-worker as a wedding present.

Post # 14
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@speechgal44:  Well, I think what’s done is done and that you guys should just pay her the quoted price. Sometimes that’s how we get to see how people really are, during situations like this. As for her son, I think they have up to a year to send thank yous out for wedding gifts, but don’t quote me on that. I’m sorry this happened, but I guess now you know not to deal with that person again, at least not for something like that.

Post # 15
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It really sucks that a price wasnt agreed on prior to the wedding and you moved forward with letting her make them.  If you feel that its not fair, you can go back and negotiate the price with her, telling her why it’s not a fair price and that you think comprable/generous price would be $150 based on $1/cupcake.  Personally, I wouldn’t let someone try to rip me off like that if it truely wasnt fair before the wedding by not hiring them, and after is no different.  The fact that she didnt give a gift or anything is a whole different topic of rude.

Post # 16
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would pay her. She never offered to do it for free.  If you really wanted to know the price before  the  wedding you should have told her you needed it to decide  if you could afford it.  

Gifts are NOT expected,so to expect her to give you the cupcakes in place of a gift is in poor taste.

It’s $225 which is a lot less than you probably  would have paid elsewhere.  

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