How would you handle this sticky in-law situation?

posted 4 months ago in Pregnancy
Post # 76
Member
620 posts
Busy bee

codepurple89 :  You can dull it down, sure. Just to keep the peace. But I would not keep your life quiet because others can’t get theirs together. And by that I mean emotionally, not the things they cannot control like infertility etc (if that is her problem, by what you are saying it sounds like it isnt). I dont agree with a lot of the other bee’s telling you to just respect those wishes etc. This is a huge life change for you, both exciting and also logistically challenging, so you need to talk about it for your own well being aswell.

Because the sh*t thing is, when she has a baby, buys a house.. whatever it may be. She will talk about it, and she wont care whether or not you dont want to hear it or that you werent allowed. And her parents will talk about it, and you will wish you had just done what was right for you.

Post # 77
Member
12127 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

If your SIL wants to indulge her petty jealousy, and there is no evidence to suggest it’s anything else, that’s her problem and her loss. But even if she was having personal health or fertility issues, demanding that your in laws not being able to discuss the baby with you outside of her presence is totally and abnormally insane. I would not tolerate that. 

Post # 78
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee

Let me understand this…. They cannot express joy about their son having a child they are only permitted to be happy if their daughter has a child?

Will they allowed to be excited and talk about it when their first grandchild is born? Starts to walk? Says their first word? Starts school? Graduates? How long does this nonsense go on?

Come on now… This is cruel and @#$% ridiculous. 

Post # 79
Member
8832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

codepurple89 :  A few bees have asked a few times: If your in-laws are so unreasonable, why do you hang out with them twice a week? That’s very frequent even if everyone got along fine. You have 6 pages here of wondering about their motivations. Why not give them fewer opportunities to be their weird selves? Sounds like your husband would not object, so that would be the most logical course of action.

Post # 80
Member
754 posts
Busy bee

 

Just try to limit your time spent with them. You don’t know what is going on behind their closed doors. One of my cousin’s who’s 5 years younger than me got married 2 years before me, but no baby yet. They’ve been married 11 years now! I can’t see her being the type who wouldn’t want children, and her Mother-In-Law also mentioned on few occasions (wayyyy back then) how she can’t wait to be a grandmother. As did her own mother. So there might be something going on there that I don’t know about. Even though their family and mine doesn’t get along well, I still never shared my own private joys with someone who I felt might not be willing to share my happiness.

Joy is supposed to spread joy, not make people sad.

Post # 81
Member
6169 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

codepurple89 :  “She said SIL asked that we don’t even talk about it when she’s not there and Mother-In-Law wants to respect that.”

Fuck these both of these bitches, OP. At this point, if my husband was pissed like you said yours is, I’d let him rain hellfire on both their heads.

Like I said – SIL is an ass. . . and it’s pretty clear where she gets it.

Stop spending so much time with them. Seriously. They are ridiculous. After all of these details you’ve shared, if I had to go spend time with them for any reason, ALLLLL I would fucking talk about would be my pregnancy and my baby and our house and how fucking awesome our wedding was. I’d also suddenly get really amped about setting and reaching other goals and milestones in my life just for the pleasure of telling these bitches about them any time I had to see them.

For the sake of your own well being and that of your baby (because babies can feel their mamas’ stress) – Do not waste your life spending time with assholes. Even if they happen to share blood with your spouse.

Post # 82
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee

Are you sure your batshit crazy Mother-In-Law is not continuing to shit stir? Maybe the SIL asked her not to talk about her (SIL) behind her back.

Regardless, I think you need to limit your time with all these people and become the grey rock. Your dud of a husband also needs to get on board and take control of his family. Otherwise, I see your BSC Mother-In-Law storming into your delivery room in the future.

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