How would you handle your guest list when two friends break-up?

posted 1 week ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2798 posts
Sugar bee

Give them both plus ones and expect them to act like adults.

Post # 3
Member
7131 posts
Busy Beekeeper

bumbledore :  I’m assuming she already got a save the date from when they were together? If so invite them both with plus ones and trust them to act like adults. If not, and you aren’t interested in continuing a friendship with her, then just invite him and not her. 

Post # 4
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If you are friends with the ex, then invite her.

Post # 5
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

Invite them both with plus ones and seat them at different tables.  It’s your wedding day, so hopefully they will put asisde the drama and let you have your big day without any incidence. If they are mature enough, they will just avoid each other and be respectful.

Post # 6
Member
827 posts
Busy bee

Three options, because nothing about a breakup is pretty, and sometimes you have to balance chance of drama against etiquette and let etiquette sail off into the sunset: 

1) Invite both, and give each a plus one. There will be the potential for drama. 

2) Invite both, but decline to give either of them a plus one, given the situation. Slightly less potential for drama. 

3) Un-invite the woman in this equation. Be aware that your friendship will likely end as a result. However, there will likely not be drama on your wedding day. 

 

Priorities. 

Post # 7
Member
2954 posts
Sugar bee

bumbledore :  I would send them both an invite still, maybe she will bow out gracefully knowing that he is absolutely going and you guys are closer

but if she comes, just sit them at different tables. 

Post # 8
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Do they both have other friends who will be attending?  If so, I’d invite both without plus ones and seat them at different tables.  If it’s only been four months since their breakup, it’s not like he’s been with someone new for a year (hopefully) and you’d be insulting a longterm relationship by not inviting a partner.  I feel like it would minimize the potential for drama if neither of them shows up with a new flame.

Post # 9
Member
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

This is not an immediate answer to your question, but personally, I would do all or no plus ones for all single guests. Bridal party are simply guests with an honor, not a privileged classification. Appreciation for all they may have done should, in my opinion be a separate thing if it comes at the expense of how guests in the same relationship categories are treated at the reception. Bottom line, I don’t agree with plus ones for the bridal party if you are not giving them to other friends and family members as well.

Getting back to your situation, I would invite all guests with dates or none and seat them as far apart from one another as feasible. Your female friend may decide not to attend if she’s uncomfortable, but it would be her choice. 

Post # 10
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

If you are going to continue a friendship with the woman, then invite her. If you don’t plan on it or don’t care, then just invite him, but just know that it will be your signal of which “side” you have chosen. I would allow them both to bring dates if you end up inviting them both, it will make them feel more comfortable hopefully.

Post # 12
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

If you can’t trust them to be mature and calm (and I’m assuming you can’t, hence your post) I would invite them but without plus ones, I feel like the sight of each other with new partners may stir up additional drama.

Post # 13
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

bumbledore :  In that case, if you’ve exceeded the cap and already sent out invites, you have a good reason to not send out plus ones. Don’t give her one at all, and tell him if you have a bunch of drop outs or No RSVPs, then he can have a plus one. Or just tell him it’s too late, and you don’t have space (it’s true). 

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