Post # 1
so in april i went with my Future Sister-In-Law to look at bridal dresses (she is also engaged but getting married in march)
we went to brunch after where she was discussing her fiance’s PROBABLE bachelor party.
now i KNOW i’m (a lot) jealous by nature, but i’m 100% surprised that ANYONE would allow their fiance to have a bachelor party like this.
so she said they’ll probably rent a cabin in the woods and get strippers to COME TO THE HOUSE. she said last time (for his friend’s bachelor party) he told her that the strippers performed dild* shows and the guys took shots out of of their vag***s.
like… are you fuc**** kidding me?
the moment she said that i swear i felt like someone punched me in the stomach. there is NO WAY IN HELL my fiance is attending.
i immediately texted him saying “i’m sorry but in no way am i comfortable with that. you ‘leaving for that part’ is not an option. you can blame it on me but i will not be okay with that”
keep in mind my fiance doesn’t drive (we live in NYC) so it’s not like he could hop in the car and go out for a couple hours, LIKE THE GUYS WOULD EVEN LET HIM DO THAT.
i know i’m a little irrational but i think i would have a serious mental breakdown knowing he was there. and i would not believe him if he said “oh i sat outside during that part”
like idk what to do. last time we spoke about it he said “i’ll just leave” and that’s NOT okay with me.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I usually don’t have a problem with bachelor parties but this would make me uncomfortable as well. I would ask my Fiance not to attend and seriously reconsider the relationship if he didn’t respect me enough not to go. The chances of him leaving when things get out of hand are slim to nil; the guys would never let him leave or live it down if he left in the middle of the party. Better not to go at all.
Post # 4
I get why you’re upset, I would be too but I don’t think it’s mental-breakdown worthy.
You need to trust your Fiance and come to a decision together. i know my husband wouldn’t be cool with that but freaking out at him wouldn’t help things. Just talk to him and let him know what they are planning.
Don’t totally freak until they decide what to do. This party isn’t even set in stone, is it?
Post # 5
exactly. i think he’s ONLY having an issue with not going because it’s his ONLY BROTHER’s bachelor party… you know? but he’s NOT the best man.
i 100% agree that him leaving when it gets out of hand WILL NOT HAPPEN regardless of how many times he tries to tell me.
i have said to him that if he chooses to go over my wishes, i would reconsider the relationship.
i have drawn lines and that would not only step over them but LEAP WAY BEYOND.
not okay with me.
Post # 6
@brooklyn_bee: I come from a very conservative background and I’d never allow my DH to go to a bachelor’s party even remotely like that. His brother had a pizza party! You two need to discuss this beforehand and given that he doesn’t have a car (I’m NYC too) I recommend him not going
Post # 7
@brooklyn_bee: Personally, it wouldn’t bother me.
However, my feelings are utterly irrelevant: the point is, it bothers you (and would, I’d suggest, bother most women; I’d say I’d be very much in the minority not caring) and understandably so. We are not talking a tame strip-club here; this is very different, we’re essentially talking a private, live, porn show.
You have every right not to want him to go; and he should totally, 100% respect that and not attend, end of story.
I also think that this is a ridiculous thing to plan, and is unfair on anyone attending who has a girlfriend/fiance/wife. Clearly, no thought has been given to those attending and the issues this might cause, and all for what? Some tacky porn show? yeah, I don’t get that.
Post # 8
I would shut that down so fast. It’s so completely inappropriate…I mean strippers are one thing, but full on live shows in a private residence? Absolutely not.
Post # 9
no not exactly “set in stone”, but i know his brother and his brother’s friends. they’re party animals. they are/were drug users, big time drinkers, by NO means would these “possible” bachelor party plans surprise me.
when i say mental breakdown i try to imagine myself that weekend sitting at home driving myself up a wall thinking about what’s going on.
i should say that i’m anti-“last night as a single man” bachelor parties. it makes no sense to me. if you’ve been in a committed relationship for long enough that you’re getting MARRIED, wouldn’t your “last night as a single man” be the day before you committed to a relationship PERIOD? not just before you get married?
i don’t think i’m freaking him out. it’s not like he’s dying to go to a bachelor party with strippers, it’s just that if i’m flipping out over something that involves him, i’m GONNA tell him. that’s only fair to me. i can’t sit there and suffer in silence.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Yeah. It’s not just about trusting your Fiance, that is just a trashy party where bad things are more likely to happen than at a strip club where there are actual rules. I wouldn’t outright forbid him from going because he’s an adult and can whatever he wants. But I would put all of my cards on the table and indicate that should he attend the party it may cause some major trust issues in our relationship that I may or may not be able to overcome.
Post # 11
+1 agreed. I honestly would not want to marry someone who would go to a party like this. It just spells a lifetime of disagreement. It’s not something worth arguing over or trying to convince him of — he has to feel what the right thing is instinctively.
Post # 12
All you can do is let him know how you feel about it. The decision to go or not has to be his. I’d never make my husband miss his brother’s bachelor party. I trust my husband not to engage in any inappropriate behavior. Watching others do it, whatever, as long as he’s not an active participant then fine. My husband would never take a shot out of anyone’s vagina (including my own) so he wouldn’t do it with a stripper. If you trust him, there’s really nothing to be freaking out about.
Post # 13
exactly lol trust me when i say i’m not one to say “you can’t go to that” it’s more so, if you DO go, you had better believe i will be rethinking this relationship. which is fair. if you can’t respect my wishes, respect that there will be an issue.
Post # 14
i respect your views but they differ from mine. that ENVIRONMENT is not appropriate for a man in a committed relationship (girlfriend, fiance, wife, kids, i don’t CARE) and even WATCHING that is not okay with me.
like i said i respect your opinion but it doesn’t fly with me.
Post # 15
Personally, I would NOT be okay with that at all. I definitely think your feelings are valid and I would have a hard time dealing with it as well. I don’t think it’s wrong at all to request that he doesn’t go. If this was my Fiance, I would have a tough time even believing that he would step outside if things started to get way out of hand. It’s not that I don’t trust my Fiance, it’s that I don’t trust his friend’s AT ALL and I know that they would try to pressure him into staying and not let him leave, etc. The shots and private show with the strippers are just way too inappropriate. I definitely think he should respect your wishes!