Post # 16
In the wake of grief, it’s easy to feel tempted to lash out at others for not responding to us in the way we wish they would. It’s normal to feel that way. But it doesn’t make it right. Everyone processes information and provides support differently, and holding others to the standards you want for them is a recipe for continued heartache. Trust them to be who they are and support you in the way they know how. Don’t lash out at them over this loss.
I’m sorry you’re going through loss.
Post # 17
Thank you all, for both your kind words and perspectives.
My in-laws are phone people – they both call DH at least once, if not more, each day. They’ve always called me for big events before, and they’ve never cared about being intrusive. The only reason I got a call at all is because DH called them out on it. My hurt feelings is because this lack of communication is unique — they’ve always reached out on things before (sent baby gifts to my siblings, acknowledged weddings, etc.) If the situation were reversed and my parents didn’t call DH, they would be making snide and gossipy remarks behind our backs about it, and possibly to our faces.
I know my judgment is clouded because I’m still greiving, so I appreciate all the advice and comments left here.
Post # 18
So sorry for your loss bee,
I can honestly say that you have every right to be upset and hurt with your in laws for not showing support. I too would be extremely hurt. I don’t think you should say anything though, your DH should maybe tell them how much it would’ve meant to you to see his family stand by your side.
My bf’s grandmother just passed away and it was heartbreaking. My family was there for him and for his family. they could have easily brushed it off but my parents and sister attended both the wake and the funeral to show love and support during their time of need.
I think that says and shows a lot. But then again are DH’s family close and considerate to begin with? If not then that probably makes sense as to why they did not show much compassion. I know when it comes to stuff like that my family shows much compassion. But others handle it differently or maybe they wanted to give you your space?
Post # 19
Firstly I am sorry for your loss.
Secondly I think it depends how close you are and their reasoning behind it. Some people do not know what to say when this happens so try to avoid upsetting you further by keeping it simple.
I totally understand where you are coming from though, my cousin passed away at the start of last year (she was more like a sister) just after having her second child so it was a very emotional time, not only was I grieving I also had to look after her 6 year old son and 3 month old baby as the rest of the family was also in pieces. Her funeral was on my FI’s birthday and his mother and father both didn’t send him a card, or call him to say happy birthday, their excuse ? ‘we didn’t want to draw attention away from the funneral’
It upset him at the time, and me as I thought they were just making excuses for not remembering but they might have just been trying to be supportive. You never know.
I would talk to your husband and see what he thinks xx