Post # 1
I have a friend who worked on setting up a bridal shower for another friend who is getting married in May. She was supposed to be a bridesmaid in this girl’s wedding and as a bridesmaid, she was working with the other bridesmaid to set up a bridal shower for the girl. She was also hosting the shower at her house because the other girl still lives with her parents and their home is not equipped to handle more than 30 guests. I know it is tradition that the Maid/Matron of Honor and the bridal party set up the bridal shower. But the girl’s sister is the Maid/Matron of Honor, but is currently in graduate school trying to finish her thesis so she delegated my friend to set up the bridal shower as long as ideas were passed by her and the other bridesmaid would help her. Otherwise the sister was too busy to be the Maid/Matron of Honor really… As it turns out the Maid/Matron of Honor was okay with the idea which was supposed to an Alice in Wonderland tea theme. So my friend started working on projects for the bridal shower like making decorations and props for the shower. She started working on this in January of this year and the shower was supposed to this Sunday.
Fast forward a little bit in time here. As my friend was working on the shower, none of the other BMs were really helping her or even offering to help her with the bridal shower. So my friend was essentially doing the entire shower herself. The girl caught wind of this and decided to take over planning her own shower. She has known about the Alice in Wonderland tea theme since my friend started planning it. It is a few days before the shower, the girl (the bride) decides she doesn’t like the shower theme, wants to change locations, and this, that, and the other. She has known about the shower for a few months now, was okay with my friend hosting it at her house, and everything seemed okay. She tells my friend she wants to change the location, etc. The shower is this weekend! I am thinking this is ridiculous to be making this many changes especially after knowing someone put hours of work into it and even offered to host it. I think part of the reason there were so many changes is that the girl’s mom caught wind of it, didn’t like the ideas, etc. and told her to talk to my friend about changing things. Her parents tend to overbearing and want to still control her to a point (she has curfew, etc. and she is 24).
Of course, this causes friction between the bride and my friend. The girl essentially tells my friend that she hated the theme and didn’t know why she would have done it to begin with. Mind you, she had known for a few months now about the theme. She also told my friend that she still wanted to hold the shower at her house but would just ignore the Alice in Wonderland tea theme. But then also said if that wasn’t possible she could get decorations at the last minute and throw her own shower because she had 2 other locations she could do it at. At this point, my friend is thoroughly insulted and hurt by the girl. So she says she is done, she put all this work into the girl’s shower and she is essentially throwing it back into her face. My friend also works more than 40 hours a week and was still doing the shower stuff. So at this point, my friend’s husband is more than pissed about his wife is being treated. He is friends with the groom and is not happy with the fiancee. At this point in time, the husband doesn’t want anything to do with the bride and his wife doesn’t want anything to do with their wedding even though the husband is the guy’s best man and the wife was a bridesmaid. And because of what happened, they both withdrew from their wedding.
My Fiance and I are invited to this couple’s wedding but we are also good friends with my friend and her husband. The husband plans to attend ceremony but not reception and my friend has no intentions of attending either. My Fiance is very close to the husband and he is actually his Best Man in our wedding in August. I was invited to the shower, but feel weird about attending after knowing about this girl’s behavior and how she treated my friend. And my Fiance feels weird about attending the wedding/reception because he is friends (albeit not as close as he is with my friend’s husband) with the groom and also the husband. Should we still attend the wedding…? My Fiance is closer to the husband of my friend than the guy getting married to the girl. I don’t want to cause friction in our social circle.
Post # 3
I think you should absolutely attend the wedding. The issue has ‘nothing’ to do with your Fiance and yourself, other than you were made privvy to the information, etc. Although I find the bride to be incredibly rude, and feel your friend whom planned it is validated in feeling hurt, my best advice for YOU is to stay out of it. Be supportive of your friend – the bride – by attend the shower/wedding, etc, and your friend – the scorned bridesmaid – by listening to her vent, but remain neutral from there!
Post # 4
I personally wouldn’t attend the bride’s new shower. I might still go to the wedding though. It depends on whether or not you’d be interested in continuing your friendship with the bride.
Post # 5
@lovelylight99: Attend the wedding, not the shower.
Sorry about the rudness of the bride to your friend, but if you don’t want friction then I would recommend not listening to the gossip and rants about each other.
Post # 6
I am closer to the bridesmaid (my friend) and her husband than I am with the bride. I just thought it was incredibly rude and spoiled of the bride how she treated my friend after she worked so hard on the shower. That’s my main issue with attending their wedding.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Do you want to maintain your friendship with the couple getting married at all? If so, attend the ceremony and reception. If you’re not sure, still attend both. If you are over the friendship and see no way of saving it, then skip both. I agree with PP, this is a disagreement between other parties and it’s best to not get involved and let them resolve their issues on their own. They might bury the hatchet and return to being close friends by the wedding and if you and your SO don’t attend, it will cause unnecessary friction between you and the other couples.
I would let the upset friend know that while you agree the bride’s behavior was inappropriate but some brides get a littel crazy close to their wedding so you aren’t going to punish her poor behavior and cause further problems by skipping the wedding. Hopefully, in the future you will all have a good laugh about how much of a bridezilla the bride is being about her shower.
Post # 8
@lovelylight99: agree. Go to the wedding, but not the shower
Post # 9
I think you should skip the shower, attending the shower is only going to get you more involved in the drama. I mean, the shower is the bride’s shower, but she was very disrespectful to the bridemaid who put in so much hard work into the shower. It sounds like the bride needs some cooling-off time. I think attending the wedding would be a better option.
Post # 10
@beachbride1216: We just don’t want to cause friction between my FI’s friend who also his Best Man and his wife and us because we attend this couple’s wedding. The wedding is still a month away and maybe things will change. But I think what makes this awkward is all being in the same social circle. And my Fiance values his friendship more with his Best Man than the groom in this situation. But my Fiance doesn’t want any drama or conflict either.
Post # 11
I would go to the wedding but not the shower.
Post # 12
These two couples might work it all out in the end. If you take a stand now and they work things out, awkward.
Sure you may not like their behavior, however you’re still friends with them, a nd their behavior has nothing to do with you. I would probably not go to the shower, I hate those things anyway and any excuse to get out of one works for me. As for the wedding I’d go and you don’t have to stay all night .
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
You and your SO need to be Switzerland and remain neutral. That is the advice that worked best for my SO and I when his parents were separated and thinking about a divorce. Ultimately, they made up and we were glad we didn’t take sides because neither his mom or dad held any suspicions or ill feelings towards us.
Post # 14
@beachbride1216: That’s great advice. Thanks. The last thing me and my Fiance want to do is pick “sides”. I think we need to be the bigger people and just attend the wedding regardless of what my friend and her husband decide to do.
Post # 15
@lovelylight99: If I were you, I wouldn’t attend the shower or the wedding but I would send a gift. I think your Fiance should attend the wedding ceremony and not stay for the reception.
I think that’s fair.
Post # 16
@lovelylight99: Wow. The bride was just breathtakingly rude. I just can’t even wrap my mind around the ingratitude and how insulting she was to a friend who was working so hard to please her.
That said, I don’t see what any of this has to do with you or your SO? I mean, if you are just disgusted by the bride’s behavior (I am!) and don’t want to attend, decline.
I get the impression that your real concern is offending or hurting the shower girl and her husband? Unless they have indicated that anyone who is friends with the bridal couple is no longer friends of theirs (which would be highly inappropriate), then I don’t think you need to be too concerned. The husband of shower girl is still going to the wedding so he, at least, appears to be maintaining his friendship with the husband.
What’s your relationship to all involved? If you’re close to shower girl and want to show solidarity with her, don’t go.
If you’re friends with the groom and want to support him on his wedding day, go.
Its really up to you but as I see it, this isn’t your rift and no one is forcing you to take sides.