(Closed) How would you react to this?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@hummingbird2627:  Some people are just awkward at things like this… I definitely am!! Until I started planning and participating on the bee, I didn’t even know you should have a registry for your shower or to expect gifts from the registry for the shower!! 

As far as the amount… I don’t think it’s fair to divide it by the number of people “signed” in the card… your aunt sounds like she was trying to be thoughtful by including her daughters. Also, my parents told my family cash was best, and that’s what people gave… 

And jeans… well, I wore jeans to the shower when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I honestly didn’t know any better!

Post # 4
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@hummingbird2627:  Let’s break this down

1. in jeans – Not a big deal. Reflects poorly on her if she should have been dressier, not on you.

2. an hour and a half later than me, with no valid excuse – Not cool, but have your mom give her the stink eye or something. Nothing you can do about it and not worth your upset.

3.   She then gave me a card for 50 dollars from her and her 2 daughters (who didn’t attend or wish me any well wishes)  who are in their 20’s.  so thats around 17 dollars each. – This is fine. They are not obligated to attend, so consider it $50 from her and forget the cousins.

4. the fact that she couldn’t even be bothered to go to the store to actually buy a gift from the registry. – This is ridiculous. She gave you cash, a gift some people would way prefer. Let this one go.

5. I want to return the check that she gave, but think it would cause a family feud.  – Two wrongs don’t make a right. Don’t do this, it would be more rude than anything she did.

6. I also don’t want to invite these people to my wedding now because I don’t feel like busting my butt to go out there and spend 600 dollars on people who can’t be bothered to even get dressed and come to my shower and think I am worth not even enough to get a good meal.  No, you can’t uninvite family over this relatively minor transgression. It would be way more rude to uninvite someone who came to your shower than someone showing up in jeans and bringing you cash.

Conclusion: She sounds like she was a bit thoughtless, but I think you are over-reacting. Is there perhaps more history where you feel like she has been inconsiderate of you? I think it’s in YOUR best interest to let this go, the only person you’re hurting by being so worked up is yourself.

Post # 5
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Just let it go.  At least she came

Post # 6
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honestly, how I would respond to this? I would get over myself and stop caring that someone showed up wearing jeans to an event that many people regard as outdated.

She was late “without a valid excuse”? What would constitute a valid excuse for you? Most of the time if I’m running late to something, I’ll just say “Something came up,” and people are generally understanding – she’s an adult, and this was a shower. She’s not a child bringing a note from her mum excusing her from school for the day.

Be grateful you got any present – as I said before, many people consider bridal showers to be outdated, stemming from the days when brides needed all the women in their lives to give them items to set up their new house with their husband. Yes, the shower is important to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s a top priority for everyone in your life. Many parents will also continue to give gifts on behalf of their children, up until their children are fully grown, out of the house, married, etc. When my parents send a gift to one of their family members, they say “From John, Jane, and all the family” simply because it’s what they’ve always done – we’re all in our 20s, and only one of us still lives at home.

Fair enough for you to be upset and offended by the apparent lack of thought from your aunt, but I don’t believe you have any valid grounds to respond, because it really is quite a petty thing to get upset about.

Post # 7
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

If your cousins didn’t attend, the $50 is just from her. I wouldn’t stress too much about it though, she was thoughtless but she’s still your aunt. 

Post # 8
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Are you saying that your aunt owes you an expensive gift? She gave you $50, you should thankful for any gift.

Post # 10
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@hummingbird2627:  If your only reason for not inviting them is because they’re not as excited about your shower as you are, then definitely!

What exactly have the cousins done to deserve being excluded from your wedding?

Post # 11
Member
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

It sounds like you’re being petty here. This is sounding a bit like a temper tantrum.

Post # 14
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hummingbird2627:  You are not owed anything! It doesn’t matter how much they give, it is still a gift. They could have all skipped the bridal shower, but instead they gave $50. Why can’t you be grateful?

Post # 15
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@hummingbird2627:  One thing you will hear here very often: No one will ever care/be as excited about your wedding as you do/are. 

There is no way that they were the absolute only people who didn’t show/didn’t “wish you well.” Only a couple guests even mentioned my wedding before the wedding. That doesn’t mean they weren’t excited for me and my husband. They all wished me well at the wedding, which is the absolute best and most appropriate time to do so. 

Post # 16
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@hummingbird2627:  I wasn’t aware family members had to “do” anything to be invited to the wedding? On the other hand, perhaps you’re right and the cousins put in for the card and cheque, in which case they did give you something/wish you well, even if it was indirectly. So your argument for not inviting them is unfounded

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