Post # 1
It’s been awhile since I’ve been on since I’ve been traveling for work A LOT! But happy to be back.
I once posted about an invitee (let’s call her T) that told me she wasn’t going to go to our wedding because she thought she’d be asked to be in it. Well a little backstory – we were friends from high school and lived together for a year after college. In that time, she has always been a bit self centered and a bit dramatic, she definitely likes to have things go her way and can be very forward at times. But she is a good person overall! We are obvioulsy friends, but I wouldn’t say we are the best friends in the entrie world. Throughout the time we’ve known each other, she has always had a boyfriend or been pretty popular with guys (SHE’S GORGEOUS!). She and her long term boyfriend had talked marriage, but broke up after about 3 years.
Fiance and I started dating around the time they broke up and I think she was a bit jealous since I was no longer her single friend that could do things whenever she wanted. When Fiance and I were picking our bridal party members, we decided we didn’t want it to be too big esp since we were doing a destination. So I chose my oldest friend, sister and FI’s sister. This is when things really started going down hill. T had always been jealous of my friendship with my friend in my wedding and frankly not very nice to her. T also hasn’t been the nicest to my Fiance, so therefore she really wasn’t a top pick for a bridesmaid.
Fastfoward – she told me she wasn’t going to come to my wedding. Now it’s time for my Bachelorette Party (this Friday) and she emailed me angrily that she hasn’t been given many details (I didn’t plan it) and NEEDS a place to crash. I already have 9 people staying in my 3-bedroom apt and two of them are me and my Fiance. I nicely implied that she should find somewhere else (like a hotel) since I’m kind of full. The other ladies asked weeks ago to stay. This upset her because she is already spending $75 for a painting class and doesn’t want to spend more on a hotel (she would have been able to split the cost with 1-2 other friends going to the party, who she is also friends with). She then tells me that she feels like she has been left out of all things wedding and she is upset about it.
My question is how do I approach this? I invited her to my bridal shower, the Bachelorette Party and the Wedding. I agree that I haven’t really included her in on other wedding things like dress shopping or wedding planning, but my wedding is a bit different since it’s a destination, and I only brought my mom to my dress shopping. I also have planned most of the wedding by myself and when I do need help, I ask the ladies in the bridal party. Thoughts on this?
Thank you for helping!
Post # 2
She’s being dramatic…
She told you that she wasn’t going to attend the wedding because she’s upset that she isn’t a bridesmaid, so why on earth would she be planning to attend the bachelorette party? And why would she assume she can just call you up for a place to crash long after the plans have been made?
Honestly, it does sound like she is upset that you have other priorities over her, but that’s part of growing up.
Post # 3
I can see her side of being hurt. She thought you guys were much closer, and you picked other people to be in your wedding and not her, you are letting other people stay at your house and not her, etc. But she needs to be an adult at this point. SHe’s obviously hurt, but being very childish and petty about it. How you handle it would depend on if you want to remain friends after the wedding. Do you want to maintain or rebuild this relationship? If yes, I’d make a bigger effort to include her, and tell her to bring an air mattress to your place. If no, I’d stand strong and realize the friendship might fade after the wedding. Or maybe even before (which might save more drama in the end lol)
Post # 4
futuremrspepper : All of her previous drama set aside, can you elaborate on how the sleeping arrangements were planned? Was staying at your house a first-come-first-serve deal? Did you give preference? Was it made painfully clear that if people didn’t call dibs at your house by a deadline that they were SOL and needed to find their own lodging?
Is it weird that for a bachelorette party you have people staying in different locations? Part of the fun is having a giant sleepover with your friends!
Post # 5
You’re perfectly within your right to choose whomever you want for your bridal party. However, I can understand why she would ne hurt about not being invited to stay at your place for the bachelorette when it seems like everyone else is. You say 9 people are staying over..how many are going?
Post # 6
It sounds like you’re not really invested in this friendship, so you could just let it go.
That said, I do think the bachelorette situation was poorly planned on your part. It sounds like there were just too many people invited, so now they’re divided into two groups, a big contingent who get to stay at your place and others who are left out. That’s not a great dynamic and is guaranteed to lead to hurt feelings. I’d just invite everyone to stay with you—possibly kicking out Fiance to go stay with a friend, because it also seems weird for him to be present at the bachelorette.
Post # 7
I understand – however, it really wasn’t my responsibilty to plan this party. My Maid/Matron of Honor wanted to take point. All questions and concerns were to be pointed to her.
As far as sleeping arrangements, it was never intended for anyone to stay at my place other than my sister and Maid/Matron of Honor, but I agreed that if anyone asked, I would try my best to accomodate. However, I just don’t have that much room and people are already on the floor. I did ask others to also get hotels and they were completely fine with it.
Fiance isn’t going to participate in anything party related, but lives at our apartment. He may find somewhere else, but I’m leaving it up to him.
I guess after reading these comments, it’s my fault that she’s upset.
Post # 8
futuremrspepper : If it were me the second she declared she wasn’t coming to the wedding bc she decided to be petty i would have cut her off from any wedding events period. To let her come to the bachelorette party is like rewarding that childish tantrum behavior. Why anyone would think they could come to the bachelorette and not the wedding is beyond me. Unless it was a very close friend and they were sincere in telling me they couldn’t attend my wedding for a very real reason. I think you should stop replying to her at all and let he figure it out aka F off. lol.
Post # 9
I think the problem here is that she was included in wedding events for a wedding she declared she had no interest in attending. Not that she couldn’t attend due to costs of traveling to the destination, etc., but that she wouldn’t attend out of anger for your decision regarding her role. I’m not sure why someone who decides not to be there for your actual wedding would be interested in or invited to activities related to the wedding.
Post # 10
I can understand why she would feel left out. I’m sure it hurt that she thought you were close enough to be included in the bridal party and it probably stung when she found out you didn’t see the friendship the same way. You can pick whoever you want but someone can feel hurt. I think the bachelorette was a poorly planned and it does look like she was left out. Why did the Maid/Matron of Honor not share any details with her? Why do you have 9 people staying at yours but not her?