Post # 1
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Last year, my sister declared they were not doing adult gifts but only kid gifts.
I know she’s saying this so that I don’t expect to get a gift from her and it implies don’t get a gift for her – but, I was fairly offended.
My gifting ethos for Christmas, Birthday’s, etc – is if you want to get someone a gift, get them a gift. If you don’t, don’t. At one point in time, there was a feeling of – if you get me a gift I have to get you a gift – but I no longer feel that way at all.
I have NO PROBLEM with her saying that, but I do have issue with her making a blanket statement and expecting others to follow suit. I know my angst with this is because I’m the only one without kids and I’m also the one that usually showers everyone with presents. I feel like now that I’m a couple and it’s more challenging to buy for us, they are taking the easy way out.
I know the conversation is coming again this year – and part of me wants to say something and part of me will likely just let her state her gifting desires and I’ll carry about my business as usual.
Thoughts?
Post # 3
Member
46417 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Unless you left a lot out of the story, she didn’t tell you what you had to do, she just told you what they were going to do.
You can do what you want.
Perhaps she was just trying to give you a heads up, so you could adjust to the idea before Christmas.
Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I’m just going to go out and say it: I like presents. LOL! However, I don’t have a HUGE family, so maybe if there were a ton of people to buy for, I would feel differently and get on board with that, but I really do love giving (and receiving) presents and I would also feel disappointed.
Post # 5
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
I doubt it has anything to do with you being a couple, therefore challenging to buy for. I know for me, it was a relief because Christmas gets very very expensive when you have kids. I was also glad because it meant less people buying things they couldn’t afford just because they feel obligated. I wouldn’t be offended by it.
Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Gift giving is a personal thing. She’s just letting people know “Hey, we’re only getting gifts for the kids this year” who knows, maybe that’s all they are able to do? My friends and I say the same thing “Hey, we’re only getting gifts for immediate family.” I don’t want to buy 50 people a gift if I can’t afford it, so it lets them know they shouldn’t go out and get me anything. But you can get gifts for anyone you want to. She’s just letting you know what she is doing.
Post # 7
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper
@julies1949: she did throw in a ‘so don’t get us anything’. She feels like she’s doing everyone a favor by saying no adult gifts (so none of the adults in the family buy each other anything).
Post # 8
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
I think you may be reading a lot in to this. The first thing I think of in this kind of situation is that they are probably having some financial issues, but still want to give the kids a special Christmas. She probably just gave you a heads up, so you wouldn’t be shocked at Christmas.
Post # 9
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper
@KatyElle: the thing is – that’s not what they end up doing. the only adults they didn’t by for was me and Darling Husband (who she was having issues with), and my brother and his wife (who she also doesn’t like). I feel like it was a polite way to say ‘screw you’.
Post # 10
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
Eh, my family started doing secret santa a few years ago, but we all bought gifts for my nephew and neice. It worked out great. My feeling is the less people to buy for, the better! Then the holiday becomes really about spending time with family and making it fun for the kiddos.
Post # 11
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@oracle: I don’t know. You didn’t mention that in your original post. It’s kind of weird, but at the same time it is just a gift. Gifts are nice but shoudln’t be expected. If what’s really bugging you is tension with your sister and you don’t know what her problem is, you should call her and try to talk it out.
Post # 12
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
My family has started doing the kid only thing. I think it gets expensive once the kids are in the picture and if we’re spending the money we want it to be on them. It’s a relief to me, so I don’t see it as rude or the easy way out.
ETA None of the replies were there when I responded, so it would be odd if she gets adult gift for some and not others.
Post # 13
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
I was about to agree with the others, that to me it’s not a big deal. I actually would love it if we only did gifts for the kids (we do secret santa for the adults). However, you last comment makes it seem like they did get gifts for adults, just not you & your husband and another couple. That’s a different situation altogether.
Post # 14
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
Did they get other adults gifts? I’m a tad bit confused. If they didn’t get any other adults gifts, maybe it’s financial.
My family is very large. I am the oldest grand child of a family of 7 children. Buying for everyone is impossible, so we do a secret santa for adults, so you get a gift or two, and then get all the kids gifts.
Post # 15
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
Eh. We stopped doing gifts except for kids several years ago. We don’t have kids…in fact, there’s only 2 kids in my immediate family, one neice and one nephew.
The grownups on my side of the family pool our money together and adopt a family that can’t afford to give their own kids presents.
I think my husbands grown-up sister was disappointed we didn’t give her a present, she still gave us one, which was fine, but then don’t be pissy that it’s not being reciprocated.
Post # 16
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
Honestly the older people get the harder it is to buy gifts for them.
I’d be hurt though because I don’t have a kid.
