(Closed) How would you say this to your SIL?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is a tough one. It almost seems like they might be in some kind of denial? I’m not saying it’s anything to panic over, but I would think most parents would be concerned enough to mention it to their pediatrician.

Are your parents in law involved with the child? Maybe your husband could bring it up with them and they could bring it up with SIL? Assuming of course that the SIL would take it better coming from them.

I know I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing it up. If she brings up concerns, then I would absolutely mention getting it checked out and maybe mention how much they can do at this age that can help them later on. 

Post # 4
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is there a possibly that they already know there is a problem, but they don’t want to share? 

Post # 5
9114 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

“Have you talked to a doctor about <name>? I work with children with speech delays and I noticed that <name> doesn’t communicate verbally. I don’t know what sort of approaches you’ve already taken, but I was concerned. We (Or I) just want to make sure he’s healthy and as an educator, I want him to have an easy time in school.”

Or something of the like. 

Post # 7
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Just to clarify, is he reacting to others speech and showing evidence of recognising some words? If you say “cat”, does he look at the cat? Has he started to make a variety of sounds like /p/, /b/, /m/ and /n/?

I would suggest that he may have “glue ear” or a build up of wax in his inner ear. I had this as a child and it makes it difficult to hear and delays speech. It’s an easy fix and doesn’t suggest he’s disabled in any way if that is her fear. If she takes him to a pediatrician for that, the pediatrician has an oppurtunity to ask her some more questions and diagnose him for whatever if neccessary.  

Post # 8
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I would talk to her about it, obviously very gently, but definitely do it. It’s her child, and any mother wants her child to be healthy. Just imagine how bad it would be if something was wrong but it wasn’t caught early enough, and then it came out that you had concerns early enough to catch it but didn’t say anything. If I was a mother and that happened, I would be livid, not in the “hey you hurt my feelings” kind of way she might get if you tell her now, but in the “you endangered and hurt my child” kind of way.People tend to get over the former, not so much the latter.


Post # 9
46592 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It could be a hearing problem but the buildup of fluid in “glue ear” is in the middle ear and eustachain tube not the inner ear.

I would speak up because it does take a village to raise a child.

” I noticed that ___ is not verbalizing yet. You may have already seen a  doctor but if not, I suggest an exam. Early intervention can be important.”

i would rather have a SIL annoyed with me than have the child not be assessed.

Post # 12
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I just don’t understand why she hasn’t realized there is a problem yet, herself?  At nearly two-years old, a child should be saying at least some words.  When my nephew was 19 months, he could say names, not always correctly, but he was talking and we understood what he was getting at.  He could tell you what he wanted, “drink,” “noodles,” “ball.”  In fact, every child I’ve ever known was speaking by 19 months. 

Your nephew definitely needs to be checked out.  In my situation, I am close to my Mother-In-Law, so I would point it out to her and then she and I would approach my SIL. 

Post # 13
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My niece did not say a word until she was 4 years old. She is a neurologist now. I did not say anything (at least according to my Mother) until I was almost 3 years old but I could read a newspaper by the time I was 4. Truth! Yes, SOMETIMES it could signal a hearing or developmental problem, but not always!

Post # 14
187 posts
Blushing bee

@amoret11:  Even though it seems like he can hear alright, it is possible that he is hearing some things but not all things.  Do you know if his hearing was screened at birth?  Even if it was and he passed the screening, please know that hearing can change and that a screening would probably be a good idea.

I’m not sure what state you are in but many states have programs available to do both hearing screenings and developmental screenings.  In Wyoming, it is recommended that all children have a developmental screening before the age of 2 and the screenings are free and available statewide.  Your state might have something like this available and bringing up the option to your SIL might be fairly non-threatening.

Here’s a website that might be helpful: http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/not_talk.html?tracking=P_RelatedArticle

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