Post # 1
I told my bridesmaids when my dress shopping date was (December 3rd, YAY!), and all of them responded that they were okay with that and super excited… but one of my bridesmaids told me that “that date should be good if nothing else comes up”
Am I right to be upset? That’s pretty much telling me that she’ll plan on coming unless something more interesting comes up. I don’t know if it’s just my stress building up or what.. but that statement made me really upset with her. How would you take that statement as a bride?
Post # 3
I would take it that they think wedding dress shopping is boring, which for most that are not the bride, it is. You have every right to be excited. They have every right to not be as excited as you. You can shop without one bridesmaid.
Post # 4
smithkennedy78 : Wedding dress shopping or bridesmaid dress shopping? And how many bridesmaids are there?
If there are many (like, more than 3) and it’s for your wedding dress, I can understand.
Post # 5
It would definitely rub me the wrong way, but ultimately it’s something I would silk over and gripe about on here and then move on from. It was an inconsiderate comment, but not everyone enjoys going shopping for someone else. Also the whole “Noone will care as much about your wedding as you” thing applies here.
Be upset with her for a little bit (an hour or two?) And tell us how frustrated you are, but don’t let it dampen your day to find your dress or strain your friendship. She most likely didn’t mean it the way your taking it. Foot in mouth syndrome gets us all sometimes.
Post # 6
All of us have things that from time to time might trump wedding dress shopping- shift changes at work, being required to work overtime, unexpected visits to/from family or other loved ones etc.
Post # 7
I can see what you mean, but on the other hand, you need to consider that there are some other things in someone’s life that could conceivably come up that would trump tagging along at someone else’s wedding dress shopping. For example, some holiday parties may take place early in December. I sort of doubt your Bridesmaid or Best Man meant, “That date will work, unless I want to see a movie that day or something.”
Is she generally flaky? Does she usually engage in this kind of shopping around with plans? (FI and I were actually talking about this the other day, I think there’s a specific phrase or term for it, but the gist of it is that there’s this social trend recently, particularly among millennials, where people won’t commit to attend something they’ve been invited to until they check to make sure nothing better is going on.)
ETA: julies1949 makes a good point about shift changes at work. Does your Bridesmaid or Best Man work in a job where her schedule may fluctuate? If so, she may be trying to avoid surprising you at the last minute if it turns it she can’t go that day.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t really care. I understand other things in life are important. Having them as my bridesmaids doesn’t entitle me to have their full devotion for every planning milestone.
Post # 9
GreenGables : she’s exactly like that (what you were talking about with your FI). I love her to death and one of my best friends as well as my Big in my sorority. But… she’s super flaky.
and no, i actually made the change to my original plan of only having my mom and sister, but then they kept asking when we were all going dress shopping.. so i guess i kind of got peer pressured into inviting them.. and then she says something offputting.
Post # 10
She’s saying it’s fine for now but if something important comes up she’ll let you know.
Hop off your high bridal horse.
Post # 11
smithkennedy78 : I would never be able to commit to anything weeks ahead due to my hectic job. If work comes up sorry I will have to prioritise it.
Post # 12
SaraJeanQ : not on any high horse. asking a question. goodness.
Post # 13
I think she could have found another way to put it. The phrasing is a bit off putting, especially over text or email (versus in person or over the phone where tone is better communicated). I know that I wouldn’t want someone to think I was definitely going to attend if there was even the slightest possibility that my plans might change. Also, if someone has called her out about being flaky she could be trying to be better about managing expectations.
If I were you I’d roll my eyes a bit and get back to my business and not have any strong attachment to her being there or not.
Post # 14
I think you are overreacting. You can only offer the opportunity. It’s not her obligation to go dress shopping with or for you as long as she realizes that she may be losing the opportunity for some input. There are plenty of things I can think of that could legitimately prevent her from being able to attend. For some perspective, wedding invitations are mailed this far out.
Post # 15
As a bride, I wouldn’t care if that’s what I got as a response.