How would YOU take this statement?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

No one is ever as excited about your wedding as you are. I think she really just meant she could come unless something big came up, like a committment she forgot about in that moment, an illness, etc etc. I think you are being too sensitive, not all BMs go wedding dress shopping with the bride anyway. I would in no way get upset over this.

Post # 32
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It would rub me the wrong way too. 

I totally under what PP are saying- work, illness, etc but I think those are not the type of things I would think are included in that. 

Are you sure she wasnt being funny? 

Post # 33
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

llevinso :  ahh, totally misunderstood that! in that case, even worse for OP – BMs don’t have to go Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping, LET ALONE WEDDING GOWN shopping. that’s just ridic that OP feels slighted by the Bridesmaid or Best Man. was is the best way for the Bridesmaid or Best Man to phrase her response? certainly not. but OP just really needs to get over it. not everyone wants to go shopping for a dress for someone else. in fact, many brides don’t take their BMs at all…

OP, i would let it go. here’s the thing – if she’s not super excited to go, then you don’t want her there anyway, because she’s more likely to voice negative opinions. and you don’t need any sort of negativity around when you’re trying to pick out your dress. plus, the more people, the more opinions, and frankly that’s not typically a good thing. take your nearest and dearest only – those who will support you and be honest, but not in a negative way.

Post # 34
Member
7202 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

smithkennedy78 :  It was not the nicest way to phrase it, but I do think you’re taking it a little too personally. She probably meant she’s free but it’s a while off so as long as something drastic doesn’t change, she’ll be there. Since you said she’s flakey already, she’s probably used to setting up a get-out clause up front. Try not to let it get you down. I know planning a wedding hightens emotions because of all the stress. 

Post # 35
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

To me it sounds like she will try to make it but there’s a potential for work to call her in or something like that. Because it is just a shopping day I think it’s a reasonable respnse. 

Post # 36
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think it’s rude. Sure, she isn’t as excited about your dress shopping as you are. Given. If she doesn’t want to come, it’s perfectly reasonable for her to decline, but to accept and then imply that she will bail if something better comes along is rude for any invitation. If it was something like work potentially calling her in, she could say that. If it’s just clumsy wording, than give her the benefit of the doubt and let it go. But if a friend asks me to do something and I accept, I try not emphasize that it’s low on my priority list.

Post # 37
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Her comment would rub me the wrong way; however, I’d let it go. Some of your friends will be more excited about your wedding than others. 

My advice is to surround yourself with your positive and excited friends and keep the wedding talk/activities minimal with your “not so” excited friends.

Please maintain all of your friendships during your wedding planning, just let them ask about the wedding. Also, remain interested in their lives. 

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Enjoy every minute, the time goes by really fast!

 

Post # 39
Member
9769 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe she could have phrased it differently but I don’t see a problem overall, I would just stop overanalyzing and get over it.  It’s not a dress SHE is going to be wearing.  You already know she is flaky, you shouldn’t expect anything different.  People don’t become different people just because you’re getting married. 

I mean, I don’t know her situation.  It’s December, what if something comes up like that’s the only weekend you could have a family Christmas or Thanksgiving or something?  It makes sense to partially commit in case she’s expecting something might come up that is more important (because shopping for someone else’s wedding dress isn’t that important, nice if you can go, but not super important), and she doesn’t want to let you down if she can’t come.

Post # 40
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee

smithkennedy78 :  I think I would also be annoyed HOWEVER, she may be worried about work or family obligations, etc. But she could have just said that. Perhaps she’s just blunt?

Post # 41
Member
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Whenever anyone gives me a quasi response to an invite I’ve extended I don’t seek confirmation. I just post amazing pictures of the amazing time I had and suddenly my phone blows up. It doesn’t matter if it’s wedding related or not. A decent human being can give a reason for attending/not attending whether it be for a current or future event, but I don’t get bent out of shape either way. I don’t believe in getting bent out of shape. I get even, lol.

I asked a friend of mine to play on our indoor co ed soccer team and she was washy from the get go. I’m not sure why she was washy and I didn’t ask. Not my problem. I posted our first team picture boasting our 8-0 win and given the fact that we have some good looking guys she’s been blowing up my phone ALL day (games are Tuesdays) to see if she can still play with us later tonight. Sorry. We’re full! She missed out.

 

Post # 42
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you may be a little sensitive. You absolutely have every right and reason to be super excited- but it’s also ok if not everyone else is as excited as you. Dec. 3 weekend is right before the holidays and is a tough time for people, with year end work deadlines and holiday events. I think she gave an honest answer- that she’ll be there if she can. And I can understand your feelings may be a little hurt, but try to understand it’s generally a tough time of the year for people- even worse if people are single (not sure your bm’s relationship status). If having all your girls there is really important to you,  could you see if an appointment in  January might work better for everyone? If not, even if she can’t go, I think you should go with the girls that are available that day and love every minute of it!

Post # 43
Member
379 posts
Helper bee

smithkennedy78 : did this exchange take place over text? It’s so hard to put written words into context so I do see where you’re coming from. She may have just meant that she will go as long as nothing major comes up (sickness, etc). But I don’t know her, and she also may have meant “if nothing better comes up”. You know your friend best. Is this her usual response when making plans? Does she flake out often because “something came up”? 

Post # 44
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Honestly, the fewer people you have there, the better. You really don’t want a bunch of opinions floating around that day. If she’s flaky, I’m sure she didn’t mean it to be rude, but just take this as a good thing because it might limit the number of people there. 

Post # 45
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

This is exactly why I am not shopping with my potential ‘bridesmaids’. I’m a little on the sensitive side myself especially when stressed out so I can only imagine the inevitable hurt feelings. I can definitely see them saying exactly this about coming to my wedding, let alone dress shopping (I’m officially inviting them next month).

I’m seriously considering inviting as guests only and not having a bridal party because I want to avoid drama and the possibility of damaging friendships. 

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