How would YOU take this statement?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think you are being too sensitive. Im sure it meant nothing sinister on her end.

Also: december 3rd is a saturday. Have you considered another day that may work for everyone that wont be so busy at the salon?

As a bride you will definitely get more personalized attention on a slower day. 

Just food for thought. 🙂

Post # 47
Member
7413 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I honestly don’t understand why there’s so much kerfluffle over this. For most folks, accompanying a friend to go shopping is a “medium” priority event– something you’d like to do and are moderately interested in, but not the most amazing, important or critical even ever.  She’s prioritizing accordingly and communicating properly. She’s planning to be there but might change her plans as the date approaches, based on her priorities. 

Post # 48
Member
9421 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

December 3rd is a long way off. My kid could get sick, I could get sick. We might decide we have to use up our PTO and that’s the only available weekend to get away. Shit happens. You can’t dictate other people’s schedules.

Post # 49
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I actually think that giving people so much advanced notice is a good thing. I’m a planner and my schedules get SUPER booked up really fast so I prefer to know about things far enough in advance that I could plan around them. I also feel like it is an important thing for a bridesmaid to be there for some of the gown shopping (barring any major scheduling conflicts such as work, child care or illnesses) but I am definitely in the minority here on the Bee as I just got chewed up in a previous vent post about a Bridesmaid or Best Man of mine who missed all my dress shopping appointments soo theres that…

Try not to take it too personally yet….and if Dec 3rd comes and she doesn’t come to the appointment for some silly reason (i.e. something ‘better’ came up) then I would have a discussion with her then about expectations for BMs and not let things get out of hand like they did for me. She may not know how important it is to you to have your girls with you for that moment.

Post # 50
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

 

Clove86 :  Sorry to hear you got chewed up. 🙁  I think some of the women are extreme with the “nobody cares about your wedding” comments. Actually, my close friends did care and ask about my wedding planning.

I think bridezillas have made it impossible for reasonable brides to have feelings. All this to say, expect your friends to continue to be friends. Don’t overwhelm them with wedding “stuff”. 

In closing, you have every right to want share your excitement with the people close to you… My guess is these same women who chewed you up didn’t plan their wedding alone or only with their Fiance or hired help. At some point a friend showed some kind of support. As a bride/now wife, I let my friends offer their support. I never asked or expected. It worked beautifully!

Enjoy your wedding planning and surround yourself with positive and supportive friends/family! And do not mention the wedding to those who aren’t into weddings. 😉

 

Post # 51
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds rude and I’d be a bit hurt, not enough to say anything though. Hopefully it was just poor choice of wording on her part and she didn’t actually mean she would ditch the plan if something better comes along.

Post # 52
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I get that you’re excited and probably wanted to share what you think is an exciting experience with your bridesmaids but dress shopping is tedious.  Once you find the one it’s all “awwwww” but everything leading up to it is just mind bogglingly boring for anyone who just isn’t in to those things. (You can probably tell that I’m one of those people) If she’s a good friend and supportive in other ways then just let this go and be happy about the friends who are into it and are going with you. 

Post # 53
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

southernbride16 :  Op does have friends who are going and supporting her. She has ONE bridesmaid who sounds like she’s just not into dress shopping. If she’s supportive and a good friend in other ways it seems sort of petty to be upset about this one thing. 

Post # 54
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

A lot of people have a hard time planning things so far in advance, especially if they have a job that can be unpredictable. I’m sure she just wanted to cover her bases in case something unexpected came up that would trump dress shopping. I wouldn’t get upset about it. 

Post # 55
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

That would irk me, but I’d let it go.

Post # 56
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

For a lot of people work and family obligations ramp up a ton close to the holidays. I wouldn’t care in the slightest, in fact I didn’t even truly invite my girls to dress shop with me.  I’m one of those who believes their only real duty is to stand by me on the wedding date, I just mentioned the date I chose to go and said if you want to swing by let me know, otherwise I’ll send pictures! 

The wedding might be your biggest focus but it’s an extracurricular for your BMs, be a bit more understanding.

Post # 57
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

oceangirl40 :  I see your point. However, her comment about “if nothing else comes up” was unnecessary. As adults we all know emergencies can happen or plans simply change. If the Bridesmaid or Best Man knows December is a very busy month, maybe she could have said “I have a lot going on around that date, I’ll do my best to be there. I’ll confirm or decline closer to the date.”

I guess some people do not have tact. This is why you (in general) should pick your bridal party carefully. 

On a side note, I did most of my dress shopping alone so my opinion is unbiased. I definitely didn’t have or want a lot of people to go dress shopping with me.

Editing: I agree 100% that she should focus on the people who are there and not let the one Bridesmaid or Best Man steal her joy. 🙂

 

Post # 58
Member
6384 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

She’s making you aware that your dress shopping appointment is not a priority to her, which is completely fine.  If nothing more relevant comes up on that day, that it’s months away, she won’t be able to join you.  Dwelling on her response and giving it a negative connotation serves no purpose, I wouldn’t spend energy on that.

Post # 59
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Honestly?  She’s setting you up so that when she cancels you won’t be that surprised.  It’s like when you start telling people at work that your throat is scratchy and you don’t feel well so they’re not surprised when you call in sick the next day LOL.

Post # 60
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’d build a bridge and get over it. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors