(Closed) How you know he’s “the one” when you don’t have an ex…

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’d say don’t analyze it too much and just consider yourselves lucky!

Post # 4
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I’m not quite in your situation but close.  I never dated in high school and before meeting my SO I had one boyfriend for a grand total of a month.  With my ex, I just lost interest and realized that we were very different people with very different views.  With my current SO, we’ve been together for 4 years and he is always surprising me, I trust him completely, he is my best friend and I tell him everything, we have had arguments and difficulties but we always get through them together and emerge better and stronger for it, and I am completely comfortable with him.  I don’t think you need to have had prior experiences to know when things feel good and right and perfect for you.  If you are happy, be happy 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

You can’t make decisions based on what ifs. I understand the feeling as my Fiance is only the second guy I have been with and the first guy was only a few months in highschool. Someones I wonder if maybe there is a better relationship for me out there, there probably is, but is it worth giving up the relationship I am in now? No not at all. I love him, he loves me, he makes me happy and I can see myself being with him forever. You have to live for today, because we have no idea what the future will bring us, worring about the what if’s will make you miss out on what you have in front of you.

 

Post # 6
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

You need life experience more than a certain number of boyfriends to be sure.  If you are sure enough of yourself and who you are, then you know when someone is right for you.  I think a lot of people say it is so different from their last one, because their last relationship provided experience they used to see what was right for them.

Post # 7
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am in the same position. Darling Husband was my only boyfriend. We started dating when I was 17. I was VERY picky when it came to dating. I was asked out many times but I knew what I want! haha..You just have to do what feels right. We are just some of the lucky ones! As long as you two are in love, and treat each other right, that is all that matters

Post # 8
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Because there is no such thing as “the one.” In all likelihood, there probably is “someone else” out there–maybe even someone else you’d be better matched with. Who knows?

There are probably many, many people that I’d be compatible with in a relationship. There are probably a handful that I’d be able to make a marriage work with. But I’m marrying my SO because I choose to. I love him with all my heart. We are wonderful together, but we’re not perfect and I doubt that any couple really is. We’re kind to each other and we’re interested in many of the same things, but neither one of us expects the other to be their whole world. Thats what makes friendships important, too!

I’ve been with him since 17 and though I’ve wondered in the past what being with others might be like, in the end, it doesn’t really matter. I’ve made a commitment to him, to love him, to be his partner, for the rest of our lives and I couldn’t be happier. We’ve been treating each other with kindness, with love, making each other laugh, making each other happy, dealing with shitty times, with stress, fighting and figuring it out, and becoming a “unit” for almost 9 years now. And I want us to keep doing that forever. So thats how I know.

Post # 9
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

SO, from someone who has been on the other side of things I will tell you how I knew my SO was “the one”. I dated many, many guys beforehand. My SO was the first one I dated that I didn’t get “sick of” for one reason or another and was the only one I could feel “relaxed” around at the same time. Of course there are many other attributes of his personality I love but I think that you generally break all prior relationships into 1 of 2 categories:

1. Those that break up with you.

  • Well these guys clearly can’t be “the one” because you weren’t “the one” in their eyes.

2. Those that you break up with.

  • In my experience, I knew right off the bat and I think you would know too if someone is just not compatible with you. I would literally get this feeling of “ugh you are so annoying” or like a sick feeling of disgust. LOLLL… (sorry guys! there’s a woman out there for you somewhere!)

Okay so I understand not everybody works the same way, but don’t question what you have. You are very lucky. This is not a fairytale world where “the one” is this prince charming, impeccible human being with no faults that just makes you feel on cloud 9 forever. (and I am not saying that you think that) BUT, I am sure many women portray their relationships to be that way which might lead you to second guess your relationship…DONT! It’s NOT true! If you feel like your SO is your best friend and you enjoy his company *most* of the time (lets be honest we all have our moment’s), IMO he is the one for you. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m in a similar situation, 22 and first boyfriend.

You just know. Of course there will be a tinsy bit of curiosity about what’s out there, but you’re living something wonderful, you’ve found a right person for you.

As KatyElle  said, don’t overanalyse it.

Post # 11
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

This may sound blase, but you know until the day you decide you were wrong. If that’s never (hopefully!) then it was right. If one day, you decide that in fact you do not want to be together anymore? Well, such is life. You live and you learn.

We’re in the same age bracket as you guys, and while we have some exes in our past, we didn’t have anything more serious than 6 months-ish for either of us. We basically joke that we’re still together because we haven’t gotten sick of eachother yet. Four years later…here we are.

We wouldn’t be marrying eachother if we didn’t want to. I think sometimes you just have to make decisions based purely on thought, i.e. I want to marry him, I think we can make it work. So, we get married.

Post # 12
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My fiance and I have been together for almost 8 years. We started dating when we were sixteen. We just got engaged a week after our 24th birthdays (we’re 2 days apart).We’ve never dated anyone else really. I love the lack of drama that comes with being each others only ones.

Since then, we have gone to different colleges, not too far apart, he came up to visit every single weekend. During those years we had our ups and downs. I went through some of the hardest times in my life and he was right by me. We are stronger than ever together. And we’ve been living together for three years.

I’ve never doubted we would get married. I know that this man cares deeply about me. He can support me through absolutely everything, he would make an amazing father, he is compassionate and sensitive, intelligent and funny. He is my absolute best friend and we’ve always been able to talk about absolutely anything. Honesty is our policy 100%.

I truly believe you just know if it is right. That doesn’t mean that we are living in la la land. It is hard work. And if you are willing to put in that work and you have faith in your relationship, there shouldn’t be any worries for you.

Like someone else said, you never know what is going to happen. You have to live life to the fullest and just enjoy your time together.

Post # 13
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think it works like that. If if were, how many guys would you have to date before you “know”? Would 2 or 3 be enough? Or would you have to try 10 or so, just to be sure? No matter how many you date, you can never have a representative sample of the population anyhow. So you could never be sure.

I have only dated one man, the one I married. While it’s true that I have never been in a relationship with other men, I haven’t exactly been in an isolated compound either. I continue to interact with other people, learn about other people, form friendships with other people, and evaluate other people. I don’t have a long list of partners, but I am not inexperienced about people, life, or relationships. Those are different things. It’s not that I can’t see other options. It’s that I choose to be here. 

I am in the camp that you don’t marry somebody you can live with, you marry the only person you can’t imagine living without. I can’t imagine living without my husband. I obviously have been living without that 99% of the universe, and been fine with it. I wouldn’t trade a single day with him for years of experimenting with the other 99%.

Post # 14
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What helped me was to ask myself:

Am I happy?

If it’s yes and the only significant thing bothering you is the question “is the grass greener on the other side” I’d say that you are lucky to have found someone that makes you happy without going through heartache of having learned the hard way!

Post # 15
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

I have often wondered this too! I’d dated before my SO but not had a relationship, I was also too picky and got bored after approx 2 weeks not matter how long I’d liked them for before we dated! I think I actually told my SO that this would only last a month. And it hasnt. SO I think he’s The One because we have the same way of looking at things but completely opposite personalities and so we compliment each other I think.

I used to wonder why it has so far worked well for me and yet some of my friends long term relationships didn’t work out, but now I just think nobody knows what will happen in the future so there’s no point in worrying about it now!

Post # 16
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m in pretty much the exact same situation. I got a lot of flack for staying with him my entire time in college from my mom and friends, but we went out for as long as we were happy together – we weren’t going to break up just so we could date other people when we enjoyed being together.

Anyway, I hear about my other friends’ experience with guys, and they seem like assholes a lot of times haha. So I don’t need to date other guys in order to know that my Fiance is better than them.

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