Post # 1
I may have my reception at a location along the river. The tent, with no walls, will be right along the sea wall and have no safety precautions for little children. Frankly, I’m scared of tipsy people falling in but that is why we are having a limited alcohol selection. Therefore, I will be getting a room at a hotel about 500 feet away with a vetted and qualified babysitter (more than one depending on number of kids) where the children can play, nap, eat kids food, etc.
I also might have the reception at a regular venue where we will be the only people on a top floor. It’s an office building so no one else will have reason to be in the building. About 40 feet away is a small room I plan to use for the children. Seats will NOT be provided at the reception for the children.
My bff and one maid of honor (the other being my sister) has just told me her kids are too young for that and will stay with her. Her son will be 19 months old and her step-daughter will be 3 yrs and 8 months old. They have a brother (stepson) who is also coming who will be 10.
I’m kind of feeling this is selfish, because these kids are not babies. Don’t suggest the stepkids mom help or they just stay home with her because she is deceased. I would pay for her parents to come watch the kids but they will be invited to the wedding. I could pay for one night for the father’s parents but feel this is unfair to me.
She keeps telling me I will understand when I have kids about everything! But I was 8 when my sister was born and like how my parents fit her into their lives, not the other way around. I can sorta understand about the hotel being 500 feet or so away but not the one that is 40 feet and on same floor.
Post # 3
@ShannonFla: She is being totally unreasonable. So her youngest is 8 months old, correct? That is definintely old enough to stay in a room with a baysitter for a few hours. Plus she can go check on him during the reception if she chooses – isn’t that the point? I think you are being very accomodating by having that option for the children. You could be like me and say no kids at all!!
Post # 4
If we get married in November, son will be 19 months so he’s 14 months now
Post # 5
It depends on the qualifications of the babysitter, I believe. BUT, he’ll be almost two, she is out of her mind if she thinks they are too young.
Post # 6
@ShannonFla: I’m a mother, and I say the lower limit is around 12 months, depending on the child. A 19 month can certainly be babysat. For a 3 1/2 year old it shouldn’t even be a question – she’ll be going to pre-school soon anyway. And of course, many kids go into day care.
But, I would feel kind of nervous if I couldn’t check on them at all. At 40 feet away, I’d leave them no problem. 500 feet away I’d be a litttle more nervous. Certainly time beforehand seeing them in the babysitting environment (or partner doing that since if I was Maid/Matron of Honor I’d be busy) would reassure me.
I would tell her that young kids at the reception are not an option, and if she isn’t happy with those arrangements she can leave them with her partner’s parents.
Post # 7
i would say 1 and half years old and older to be baby sat. if pple are being funny maybe 2 years.x
Post # 8
I go along the lines of “I’ve made the offer for you, if you don’t like it, you babysit your kids, just keep them out of the reception room”!
I have a 6 month old and am still a little cagey about “just anyone” looking after her, but I am getting better! But, if I am invited out, I either get a sitter (a family member) or I don’t go! Before having a baby, I would’ve said “no kids” flat out, but am a bit more understanding now.
You have made very effort to be accomadating to her, so she needs to be a bit accomadating to you. Let your kids be looked after by someone who is MORE qualified than their mother to do so, look after your own kids in an area prescribed by me (and for their own safety), or don’t come! You might notice that “be a drama queen” is NOT an option here!
18 months is definately old enough to be babysat for a short time while (even the most paranoid) Mum is nearby. It’s normally the Mum’s (not the kids) that get worried about these things. It’ll be a good learning experience for her.
Post # 9
if you are financially (and otherwise) highly dependend on someone else, have no prospects for a long term job then you are definitely too young or a baby because you’re a child yourself.
Post # 10
@anna567: Huh? You’re saying a baby is too young for a job?
Post # 11
First let me say that I think this is a fantastic idea, but you might want to keep this in mind so it doesn’t backfire:
I don’t have kids, but I’ve read a lot of posts on here where parents didn’t know ahead of time that they needed to leave their kids with a sitter until it was too late to meet them, and they left the party because they weren’t comfortable leaving their child with a stranger….which is somewhat understandable to me. So perhaps you should find a way to let parents know who the babysitters will be or something like that. It’s possible the parents will be more comfortable if their kids are being watched somewhere closer and not in a hotel room so they can stop in and check on them. Perhaps you could have a special area for kids, and this chick could bring her own babysitter to help out so she’s comfortable.
That said….it is totally your call if you decide not to have children at your wedding. A guest CANNOT tell you…this is unacceptable to me and therefore my children will be staying with me. If her kids aren’t invited and she won’t leave them, then she’ll have to make a tough decision on whether or not she wants to step down from the wedding. I know that’s harsh, but that’s how it works. If she isn’t comfortable with your choices, she can choose to leave her child at home with her own sitter for the night/weekend!
Post # 12
@ShannonFla: When you have a kid that child means the whole world to you and a lot of mothers, including myself, would feel very uncomfotable leaving their child with a total stranger. It seems that you do not want kids at your wedding, your wedding, your choice, but then i dont see the point in them being there at all. So you will have to let them know that they will need to find baby sitters.
Post # 13
@ShannonFla: You don’t get to decide this. It is the parents decision entirely. only they can deem what is an appropriate age for their child to be babysat.
Are you sure this is about your concerns for the safety of the kids or are you just not wanting kids at the wedding? Because if it really is the safety of the kids then again you don’t get to decide this, that is the parents decision. If they have told you that it is fine then you have to accept that. Since her parents will also be guests there will be numerous people to watch the kids.
If it is about not having kids at the wedding then you need to stop feeding her the BS story about safety and be honest with her.
Post # 14
My kids are 6 and 9 and there is no way i would leave them to be babysat by a stranger. i would however ffind my own childcare if i knew ahead of time it was a childfree wedding.
Post # 15
People will know ahead of time. It will be on the invitation and wedding website.
Safety is a real issue but we have chosen the top floor reception venue so the children will be in a room about 25 feet from reception, supervised by a teacher from the preschool my niece attended. Therefore, if my sibling decided this school and its teachers were good enough for 4-5 hours of preschool, it should be good enough for them to spend the cocktail reception and/or just 2-3 horus of the reception. Same with anyone who has hired strangers with background checks to watch their children, i.e. any parent who has sent their to daycare (spotty records of background checks!) and preschool.
My wedding has moved to Feb so the youngest child will be 14 months. That child’s mother is fine with supervision or might leave child with her parents. The challenging mother will have an almost 22 mo old.
Finally, now matter what anyone says, it really is up to my fiance and me how we invite people to a party we are throwing and paying for. The same goes if we invite someone and don’t extend an invitation for that person to bring a guest. You simply make adjustments based on what’s offered.
The majority of responders seem to agree that it’s ok to host children in an activity room with a qualified person supervising them so I’m confident in my decision. Thanks!
Post # 16
By the way, kids may join the reception when there’s about an hour left.
Also, the wedding is in my hometown but 90% of the guests with children live more than 3 hours away. I am trying to make it easier for them to come to a family-friendly vacation destination during a cold winter month by letting them bring the kids with them and enjoying the rest of their time at the destination, just not 3 hours of the wedding.