Post # 1
Hey bees! I’m not engaged yet (but that will change in the next couple of months!), but I’ve been thinking about this question for a while. I don’t want a large bridal party and only want to ask my best girlfriend from high school who I’m close to, my best girlfriend from college that I’m close to, and my younger sister who I love very much and am also close with.
I wasn’t originally sure who I should ask to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I felt that my two girlfriends friends might be a little hurt if I chose one of them over the other. I know that the Maid/Matron of Honor is usually someone who is like a sister to you, so it makes sense to choose my actual sister and this prevents my two girlfriends from having any possible hurt feelings.
My only problem is she’s 16 right now and will be 17 when we will be getting married. Is that too young for a MOH? Would it be okay to make her Maid/Matron of Honor and have my two girlfriends help with any of the planning? I hear that the Maid/Matron of Honor is usually someone who helps plan the bachelorette party or the bridal shower, among other things (although it isn’t required of them). Both my girlfriends love my sister like their own, so it wouldn’t be as if they don’t know each other. I just wonder if giving the Maid/Matron of Honor role to my little sister is too much? Also, if I was to give it to her, should I ask my parents first to make sure they’re okay with it or is that unnecessary?
Just wondering! Sorry for so many questions!
Post # 2
Id pick your sister for sure! Your other BMs can help her plan things if they want to because I woudnt expect a teenager to be fluent in wedding. No harm in talking to your folks about it first to get their thoughts.
Post # 3
My Maid/Matron of Honor is my daughter who will be 12 by the time of the wedding. My other bridesmaid is my niece who is 13. This is a second wedding for me so I’m not having a shower or bachelorette party. She really has no duties as a Maid/Matron of Honor.
Good luck with your decision and happy planning.
Post # 4
I chose my younger sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor. She was 19 at the time (I was 31) and 10 hours away from me. I wasn’t concerned with the “MOH duties” besides her being there the day of and she gave a short speech during the reception. All the BMs together planned a shower and bachelorette party. Sounds like yours would be pretty similar if they’re as close as my friends are to my sister.
Also, I wanted her at my bachelorette party, I asked that if they planned anything they do it with her in mind as well so she could participate. Everything worked out perfectly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
I chose my sister as my MOH and she was only 16 at the time of the wedding. She didn’t plan anything though. My mom helped her “plan” the Bridal Shower and all of my friends (I didn’t have any bridesmaids) just planeed a simple night out to go bar hopping for my Bachelorltte out of the goodness of their hearts. It sounds like you have you great friends who would love to celebrate/plan with you depsite their title!
Post # 6
Thats awesome! We all live in the same city as each other, so distance won’t play a factor in anything. I definitely want her at my bachelorette party so I we will have to think of things to do that she can participate in when that time comes. I’m glad to hear that everyone worked together when it came to planning things, that makes me feel much better!
Thats really cool that you asked your daughters!
Post # 7
Maid/Matron of Honor usually has the most responsibility, and as a reward also get the better title and the few perks that come with it (like how adults have to pay taxes but can eat ice cream for breakfast…). That said, you won’t be the first who gives the title and niceties of Maid/Matron of Honor to one person and all the duties to another.
Things to keep in mind:
-it’s considered bad etiquette for a relative to throw a bridal shower
-a 16/17 year old can’t really plan a party they can’t legally attend, assuming alcohol will be involved at your bachelorette party
-only you know how mature your sister is.. ask yourself: is she up to what you want your Maid/Matron of Honor to do? (In my case, my Maid/Matron of Honor is responsible to buy a dress, say a speech, help with my bustle and train and show up… I think most 16 year olds can handle that)
I don’t think it’s necessary to ask your parents unless you think they might be upset with having to buy her bridesmaid dress (since I assume she isn’t financially independent).
Post # 8
Those are definitely good things to keep in mind. I would probably do something special with just her the day of the bachelorette party (maybe spa day or mani-pedi?) and then go out to the bars with my girlfriends who are of age or I would also be into planning something we can all do together since I definitely don’t want to leave her out.
I definitely plan on looking into affordable dress options for all my ladies but I will consider asking my parents if they’d be okay with it since she isn’t financially idependent. Thanks!
Post # 9
my maid of honor (my cousin) was 17 and it was no big deal.
Post # 10
My sister is 19 now and my maid of honor. I would never expect my maid of honor, regardless of age, to plan any wedding-related events entirely by herself, so don’t worry about yours being 17. She’ll get all the help she needs from your parents, other bridesmaids, etc. throughout the process.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2016 - Waldorf Astoria, Orlando
I would pick your sister! Just have realistic expectations about your Bachelorette party and how much she can handle the duty. I would sort of make it clear to the two girlfriends that your sister is Maid/Matron of Honor by default and that you’d appreciate if they all helped out 🙂 No hurt feelings and a larger support network!
Post # 13
There’s no age minimum or limit on being a Maid/Matron of Honor. I’ve heard of weddings in which brides have had their young daughters as Maid/Matron of Honor or their 87-year-old grandmothers. If you want your sister to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, then pick her.
The party-planning is really secondary to her showing up and standing next to you at the altar. I think you can enlist your BMs to help your sister, or even your mother. One thing that you do have just be aware of is that your Maid/Matron of Honor should be able to enjoy all the events with the rest of the bridal party, so if you have your heart set on a big Vegas blowout bachelorette party, you might want to table that for a birthday bash or something (and her attending these events wouldn’t change if she were just a Bridesmaid or Best Man anyway).
Post # 14
The only thing that I would say is that typically the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man acted as your two wittnesses for your marriage license. If your Maid/Matron of Honor is under 18, she can’t do that. You can easily pick someone else to sign it, but just be aware that you will need to do that.
Post # 15
It’s an honourary title. You can bestow it on anyone you like. There are no real rules about the orgnaization of ancillary events. You can organise your own bachelorette party if you like or your other bridesmaids might like to do that or your sister can give it a whirl!
You have the freedom to celebrate your impending nuptials any way you like. Don’t get bogged down in “protocol’ concerns of dubious relevance or value.