Post # 16
We actually haven’t got any baby questions at all yet (probably because we got married at 24 and most of my family would be secretly horrified if I was pregnant already).
I do get the “how’s married life” constantly, and I always respond “It’s wonderful but exactly the same as before”. Not much can change if you’ve already been living together and combining finances for years. It doesn’t bother me when people ask this though.
And finally the rudest comment: “So are you taking his last name? You ARE? Oh god I could NEVER do that, I’m too much of a feminist”. Thank you for your unsolicited insight random co-worker I had met that morning..
Post # 17
Everyone wants to know when the babies will be here…. DH and I are putting this off at least 1 more year. If we tell people this, they remind me that I will be 30… yeah, thanks. I did the math too.
“Does it feel any different being married?”
“Have you had your first fight yet?” – None of your business. This was asked twice and both times it was followed by the story of their first “married fight”
Post # 18
Married life question from anyone I haven’t seen since the wedding. Answer is always “No different than unmarried life!” since we lived together beforehand.
Anytime I’m feeling remotely unwell, its always a “are you pregnant?”. Not that its any of your business but no, I’m just sick.
And excessive amounts of “when are you having babies?” “are you having babies”? I don’t get why people can’t politely fuck off. I’m anticipating a lot of this at my hubby’s christmas party later this month and I don’t know how I’ll respond without being a jerk.
Post # 19
I have nothing against the “how’s married life” conversation starter, but I had multiple people who asked it every time they saw me, and one in particular who would ask it multiple times back to back in the same conversation as though she wanted me to give her some deep answer. “Oh, good to see you! How’s married life?” Fine. “No but, really. Do you like being married?” Sure. “So you’re really, truly happy?” It was almost like she wouldn’t be satisfied until I admitted that getting married had actually been a huge mistake and I wanted a divorce. She was a friend of my aunt and was not close with me in any way, so I was confused as to why she expected me to unfurl my deepest secrets to her.
Post # 20
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
My go-to “shut that conversation down” move is to say, “When we start having unprotected sex, you’ll be the first to know!”
Post # 21
It’s not that I’m offended by the “how’s married life?” question, it’s just that I don’t know what to say! We had been together for 5 years by the time we got married, lived together for 3. Married life is exactly the same as non-married life. And people still ask me this after a year of marriage. And they’re looking at me like they expect some sort of interesting answer. Shrug.
Post # 22
I’ve been guilty of asking the “how’s married life?” question to a recently married friend. It may be a vague/dumb question, but obviously marriage is a big life event and as a friend it’s hard to know how to open up the space for someone to share about that transition. And I think there’s genuine curiosity, too, from the unmarried among us – it’s interesting to see whether people felt a shift after marriage or if this stayed the same, etc. The friend I remember asking this said things were mostly the same, but then after thinking about it for a minute she said the biggest change was the combined finances and how when they pay for a date now it’s their money rather than one person treating the other.
Post # 23
“Have you had your first fight/argument yet? Just wait, it’ll come!” Gee, thanks for the positivity. I hear that one from my own mother a lot, the same person whose first maritial fight was over which way the toilet paper should hang…so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that nit picky people think everyone else are just as prone to arguments as themselves.
The only disagreeement I’ve had with my DH so far is whose turn it is to pick what to eat, lol
Post # 24
I had someone ask me how married life was and then tell me “Welcome to adulthood!” I’ve been living oon my own longer than they have, I’ve been paying my own bills for years now. How much more adult do I need to be here? Also they are someone who isn’t married so I didn’t understand why they said it to me.
Post # 25
“How’s married life?” is basically the same as “how are you?” And all it requires is “good” as the response. I highly doubt anyone asking that wants a detailed story of your married life so far.
Post # 26
Your co-workers sound just like mine! In addition to the whole you’re giving into the patriarchy thing, my husband has kind of an uncommon surname. It’s not one of those funny/dirty names or anything like that, but nevertheless people feel very much inclined to tell me how stupid they think it is. I don’t really get what’s wrong with it TBH.
Post # 27
Someone made a comment about babies AT the wedding! I was horrified and just kind of walked away lol.
We get the “hows married life” a lot. I say “not much different”, since we lived together and have been together for almsot 12 years LOL.
Post # 28
I don’t really think the question itself is offensive per se, but thus far, every person who has asked it has then followed it up with something really personal. How’s married life? Are your in-laws in between you guys yet? (Seriously just got asked that question today by a random lady at work.) How’s married life? Are you seriously going to change your name? Stuff like that. So the follow-ups kinda make it feel like they’re what they’re really asking for is what’s going wrong in our relationship as opposed to generally being interested in how we’re doing. Maybe the context surrounding the questions is what makes it annoying so far? Or the fact that it’s been like two seconds since the wedding, so I don’t really have an answer yet? Lol
Post # 30
Yeah, I agree. I have asked because I am genuinely curious, having never been married before. I usually only ask it of people I know fairly well, so I’m actually looking for more than just, “Fine,” or “Same as before!”