How's married life?! (And other dumb questions you've gotten as a newlywed)

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

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barbie86 :  I haven’t gotten that one yet as I’m not married, but if/when I do, I’m going to freely tell them that Fiance has been to Dr. Snip! Which is true. I don’t care if it’s Too Much Information and it makes them uncomfortable as long as it shuts them down!

Post # 32
Member
6374 posts
Bee Keeper

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thefuturedrat :  oh but you can always adopt! (I’m being sarcastic, obviously, but I know a lot of CFBC people who get this line when they tell someone they’ve been sterilised/had the snip/have been through the menopause/had a hysterectomy… lol. Like, does nothing stop these people?).

Now we’ve been married for 3.5 years and are (gasp!) in our 30s people are finally starting to realise we’re serious about not having kids, but we still get it occasionally.

Post # 33
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t mind the question. I do think life has changed since I got married, and we lived together for 5 years before the wedding. My answer is usually something like “great! We have some ups and downs but we really enjoy being married.” or “we love it! It’s not much different than before, but there’s somewhat of a comfier, more secure feeling, not that either one of us were going to leave before.” 

I’ve asked it to friends who recently got married too. I’m not asking for “is your marriage falling apart?” or “Has your world been turned upside down?”  It’s more like “how do you feel now that you’re no longer planning a wedding and this thing you’ve been waiting years for is now here?” or just in general “how are you and your husband?” It’s a way of asking how you are while recognizing that a huge life event just occured. I feel like there are a lot of potential answers. You could just talk about some things you recently did together, if you went on a honeymoon, how you feel without the stress of wedding planning, etc. 

I have only gotten the baby question a couple times and it didn’t really irritate me because they’re people close to me and they knew I wanted to have kids at some point. The only one that really threw me off is “are you feeling overwhelmed?” It came from an older woman, and maybe she thinks I immediately took on the traditional wife role with all the cleaning and cooking, which I definitely didn’t.

Post # 34
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

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barbie86 :  Aaaah it never stops! Haha. I don’t get asked about it too much (occasionally in a lighthearted way by my parents, but they respect my choice). I’m 36 so hopefully it won’t be too much of an issue when I’m married, since I’m about dried up. 🙂 If people insist on the adopting I guess I’ll just say that I’m going to be a child psychologist and that’s enough kids for me! 

Post # 35
Hostess
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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daaangerzone :  I am recently engaged. Within the first week I was asked 4 times about babies and told to not leave it too late. SMH.

Post # 36
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Oh Lordy you are gonna be annoyed in 4 weeks when everyone asks you if you’ve got all your Christmas shopping done and if it’s cold enough out for you yet, like they do every December to every person everywhere.

Post # 37
Member
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We get the “how’s married life?” a lot – but I don’t mind that, seems like a pretty standard question. We’ve been married about 6 months now and are both in our 30s so I’m sure people are starting to wonder about the whole baby thing, but so far only one person has directly asked! I think our luck may be running out though with the holidays approaching, which will be the first time we’ll be seeing a lot of extended family members since the wedding.

Post # 38
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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ilyik :  I’m getting married this week and the most annoying thing people keep saying to me is, “enjoy married life. Don’t have kids right away.” First of all… None of your f***in business, thank you. And the reason we decided to get married was to start a family as we’ve been together for 5 years, share a home, are both established in our careers and goddamn ready. People say the rudest things. And it’s not as if I can be like, “actually, we’re having kids right away.” Because you don’t say that. Lol

Post # 39
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee

We haven’t really gotten any dumb questions– a lot of “how’s married life” and small talk, no one has really followed up with anything rude. I guess I’m guilty of asking people this? Especially people I don’t see often, it’s always like “how’s married life/ what’s going on/ how’s the new house/etc.”

Post # 40
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

 I don’t think “How’s married life” is a horrible question, but I do struggle to find a short, sweet answer every time. “Pretty good!” “Busy!” etc. are usually my go-tos. We’ve been married a year! I know that’s not long in the grand scheme of things, but it’s long enough that married life has become the new norm. 

I had a former boss ask me outright about babies a few weeks after the wedding. SERIOUSLY? Depending on who it is, I usually either answer seriously “maybe in the next few years” or laugh it off. “Well, the last person to ask me that announced her pregnancy a few months later, soooo…”
It’s ironic how several of the people badgering me about having a baby are the same people who say “oh, don’t rush to get married, you’re still young, you have your life ahead of you…. now go have a baby and be responsible for it for the next 18+ years!”

Those are the only ones I can think of right now, but I’m sure there’s been more. sigh…

Post # 41
Member
30 posts
Newbee

We got married less than six weeks ago and I get at least TEN TIMES a week “how’s married life?!” It’s really obnoxious answering the same stupid question over and over again.

My mom also asked if there was a baby on the way two weeks after the wedding, as if we conceived on demand on our wedding night.

Post # 42
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - NOLA

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MsBeer :  Yeah, we got that too! I was like…ummm, can we get married first!? And literally within 1 week of marriage it’s been “HURRY UP YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE 30, YOU DON’T WANT TO WAIT TOO LONG!” Sheesh! 🙂 Don’t let em pressure ya! It will drive you crazy. 

Post # 43
Hostess
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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daaangerzone :  Im 32 and my SO is 39 and we have just gotten engaged so people are freaking out and I can see them mentally figuring out how old I will be when we get married in 2019. lol. I am trying to pay it no mind. I wanted to get married before having kids and I wanted to marry the right person – so if that means I am an “older” Mum so bloody be it! ha h

Post # 44
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

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sapphire27 :  
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ilyik :  Goodness! The rudeness of people toward the last name is ridiculous.

We get the same rudeness, but the opposite situation. DH took my last name (several reasons, I can explain or give thread link to others I’ve explained it to if interested). He gets “Wow, you’re her B**** then, right?” or “What kind of man are you?” and honestly I find it attrocious! Thanks for the unsolicted feedback about our personal life decisions that have zero impact on your life!

Of course we get more inquisitive questions too like “How does that work?” “Why?” or “Is that even legal?” which I don’t really mind because it is not commonly done.

 

Post # 45
Member
2484 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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ilyik :  I think that most people are just trying to start conversation when they ask “how’s married life?” It’s meant to be friendly, and I don’t mind it at all.

However, asking when we plan to start a family comes off as rude and intrusive. I think I was asked that question as soon as I returned from my honeymoon – especially from church members.

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