Post # 1
So, we have a hall! YAAAAYY!!! However, we each have a HUGE family and our hall can only hold about 130 guests. It took us a while to cut the guest list down to fit that amount. But to do that we had it so that if we didn’t already account for a guest to bring a “date” or whatever, they won’t be able to bring one. Like, unless they’ve already been dating for like years or something we didnt include them.
Some of the family know that we have a TIGHT guest lists and that it’s going to be strictly family/friends invited.
But how/should we tell the guests that unless that we didn’t already include them, they can’t bring any other guests/dates?
I was thinking maybe I can make seperate invites to each person like, “Matt: Are you coming?”. But I feel that’ll be weird and too much work, since I would have to make each invitation seperate.
Post # 3
If you’re doing inner and outer envelopes that will help this situation. You use the inner envelope to name specifically who is invited.
Like, you wouldn’t address an inviation to the Smith Family if you’re not inviting the entire family, so you’d say Mr. and Mrs. Smith. If the kids are being invited, you list them in order of age on the inner envelope.
Other people use the RSVP cards to further clarify how many people are being invited… for example you may have a line that says “We have reserved __2__ seats in your honor” or “____ of __2__ attending”
A quick note though, if someone is in a relationship it is appropriate to invite both halves of the couple since they are technically a social unit. If it comes down to inviting someone without their significant other, it might be best to not invite either of them at all.
Post # 4
I was looking at my guest list, and I put our photographers, DJ, and pastor on the guest list. I should do that correct? Since they’re going to be there the whole time and will be eating I’m sure.
Post # 5
I know. Most of my cousins on my side are either married or aren’t dating so, hopefully things work out on my end. But on his side he has a couple of younger cousins that are like, “Oh heres my boyfriend of the month.” you know? That’s what I mean by bringing a “date”.
Post # 6
Etiquette Snob here… lol
Good post by @DaneLady: , doing the paperwork correctly certainly cuts out some of the confusion.
The rule of thumb being only those who’s names are on the Invites get to attend…
Mr. John James & Guest (if you don’t know who he’ll be bringing)
Ms. Susan Walsh
Mr. John James
(both listed on the Invite, Ladies first)
You send seperate Invites to each person… getting the address info from John James in the above example for Ms. Susan Walsh
These above examples are listed in order of Poorest to Best Etiquette… BEST being seperate Invites for people over the age of 18 who are bringing a Date
Of course the rule of thumb IF you need to limit numbers is that Marrieds, Living Togethers / Common Laws, and Engaged Couples are considered a RECOGNIZED Social Unit should one should not be invited without the other
And as a courtesy to those closest to you… Immediate Family Members (Brothers & Sisters over the age of 18) and those in your Bridal Party (again over the age of 18), always get a Plus One (can bring a Date… whomever of their choosing), whether they are in a Recognized Social Unit or not. And of course, Children in the Bridal Party would be coming with their Parents & Immediate Family (so if Little Suzie is your Flower Girl, you invite her Mom & Dad, and Brother)
This is because, the above people are giving up a significant amount of their time (typically a whole weekend or more) for you, and as such, they should be allowed to enjoy the “free time” they do have with someone of their choosing / makes them happy.
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
When we sent our invites out we had the person’s name and guest written on the evnvelope (either J. Smith and Guest or their name if we knew it). We didn’t include guest names for the people that we knew wouldn’t be bringing a guest.
However, just to note, no matter how you word it, some people will totally disregard the whole thing and STILL bring a guest. I had a friend do that, she was going to bring a random girlfriend of hers… Sigh.
Post # 8
The person whose name is on the invitation is who is invited. We did this, as well as adding a number to each RSVP for the number of people invited. If, like pp said, you get RSVPs back for random guests, you call that person ASAP and tell them that you cannot accommodate their +1.
Post # 9
Thank you all!!
And yes, I understand the “proper way” to invite people and it’s not fair/right. And we are including those that have been dating/are engaged/etc. It’s just those younger ones that have “boyfriends of the month” or whatever you want to call those lol.
I have a pretty good understandin on how we’re going to do this now! lol