- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
bear with me on my 1st post. (ps. I love this site and have been lurking for quite a while)
I’ll try to make this as short and sweet as possible. (wow sorry just looked at this after I posted, its not short, so appologies!)
I met my friend back in HS. she was sweet and kind.
College hit she is slowly changing. Eventually settles on a guy who treats her poorly. Her decision, but I let her know I didn’t approve.
Fast forward. had a big falling out where she cursed at me etc. I said nothing and was over it. I move to another State, eventually get call, to which she never apologizes but tries to patch things up.
I am ok with that, should have stopped then but gave her another chance.
Fast forward a bunch more years, friendship is mainly over the phone but holiday meet ups.
She gets engaged to guy who didn’t treat her well, they still have some issues, but its improved, I wasn’t thrilled but happy that she’s finally getting engaged. Show full support and love for her.
Well during that time I met the man of my dreams, my bestfriend and soulmate.
Back in Jan/Feb I find out he is looking at rings.
Due to a sudden change to his job (military) we had decided that we will get married earlier than hoped during the time he’s allowed to come back to the States. (please note: my personal choice is not to move anywhere until I’m married.)
Well that date was in the same month as friend. this is all dictated by the military but we’re planners so try to plan and prep for worse. Due to not wanting to chance anything I decided that under the circumstances we too will have to get married.
I choose the date the weekend after hers to be respectful to her and have to break the news to her. I’ve prepped her in advance that things are out of both our hands.
Intially she is ok when I call and let her know I can’t be in her wedding, but the next call went horrible. I was yelled at and she was upset that I am having a wedding during the same month and suggest I change things. Again I have to explain the situation and she calms down and has to accept it. I told her if there was anything I could go to I would.
We live 2000+ miles apart. Don’t share any of the same friends.
After the talk I feel distant, but decide to go to her batchelorette party in support. She asked me about some of my wedding planning pre engagement but showed no happiness about it.
My soulmate finally proposes and she calls to say congrats.
During her whole engagement /wedding process she has become rude and her behavior is off putting. Ie. boasting about her 30k engagement ring her 5k+ wedding dress etc. talking crap about her own family and her future in laws. saying things like its good for bridesmaids to get bossed around by the photog etc.
To me our friendship is strained and I’m over it. I understand the stress of planning a wedding. I understand her disappointment in my inability to come to her wedding and the frustration of my wedding being so close to hers. I get it, and that’s why have been so tolerant.
I also understand that everyone has their own lives and because you’re planning a wedding doesn’t mean the world stops and revolves around you. Her rudeness, childishness and sheer lack of any positive emotion or excitement hurts me. Her inability to recognize that I’ve had to plan a wedding much earlier than I wanted due to a situation out of my hands hurts.
But as I evaluate our friendship there is nothing she brings to it for me, she’s not the friend I knew in HS 20+ years ago, If i met her today I’d never be friends with her.
She still calls, I’m brief and try to avoid her. I don’t know what to say, I’d like to be honest about how I feel. How I don’t like the person she’s become esp. with wedding planning. But I feel like avoiding it would be better because I don’t want to add more stress to her before her wedding. I care about her enough that I want to be happy. I know this is the coward way out but feel its better to discuss this after we are both married.
I wish her the best only in life, but after this past year and with our history the friendship is too toxic.
I tried to make this short and left details out but can elaborate. But hoping other Bees have had some experience on the matter.