(Closed) Hubby Called Me a Gold Digger

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 166
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

hvanorden:  WHY do you keep defending this guy? You are making light of this serious situation by defending him and saying “oh he says mean things when he’s mad”. That EMOTIONAL ABUSE! Do you not see how everything he has done to you is so beyond wrong? If your name is on the car, you are 100% entitled to drive it around. It is NOt solely his and you could go after him for doing that to you. He doesn’t let you have access to the car, he doesn’t let you have access to your OWN MONEY…I’d be willing to bet theres prob almost 100 bees on this thread telling you that he is controlling and you refuse to see it. Stop defending him. Put yourself first! You are severly going to regret this later in life when things keep getting worse and worse. What if (just saying what IF), he wakes up one day and decides he wants a divorce?? He’s going to leave you with nothing but 2 dimes to rub together. This man is not husband material and needs help. Women in history have faught for too long to have the essential rights that you are simply neglecting. He’s making a fool out of you, get that through your head!! 

Post # 167
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Ok i just saw your response about separate accounts. Good for you OP! be strong!

Post # 169
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

“…when you get married you are transferred from your father’s authority and are now under your husbands authority and that I need to submit to him no matter what.”

Omg this statement made my skin crawl… bleh. 

Post # 170
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

While I do not ascribe to the submitting of authority theory, I want to say that you’re going about it wrong even if you do.

You should ascribe you husband’s authority, and he should ascribe to taking care of you. Taking care of you does not mean he takes all your money, gives you an allowance of $300 for the month and that is it. That is not him taking care of you, that is him taking from you.

You’re willing to accept a relationship where your spouse not only doesn’t treat you as his equal (as in you have zero say over spending joint money) but he also doesn’t care about you. Some women are fine not being equal, but I don’t know too many women who are fine not being cared about. By letting him take your money and leave you desitute you are showing him you are fine not being cared about.

Post # 171
Member
2785 posts
Sugar bee

“when you get married you are transferred from your father’s authority and are now under your husbands authority and that I need to submit to him no matter what”

WTF? That still exists today and in this (free) country????. “Transferred” as in like a piece of property? “Need to submit to him no matter what” – as in take abuse, beatings, no matter what husband decides to impose? As in days of slavery? Or days when “physical discipline of wives” was ok? Please tell me those believes are not practiced this day and age in this country..unbelievable that some people have this sick mentality.

I will go throw up now.

 

Post # 172
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

shadybaby4ever:  checkmate08:  Totally agree. I don’t think his ex did anything (my abusive ex told me he had money trouble because of an ex turns out he was full of crap and he was the one with the money problem) 

hvanorden:  “when you get married you are transferred from your father’s authority and are now under your husbands authority and that I need to submit to him no matter what.” NO NO NO NO NO! You are under your own authority and NO ONE ELSE’S! PERIOD! Let alone someone who is abusing you. I will not mince words your current husband IS abusing you Finacially and Verbally, and is well on the train to phsical abuse. Everyone is forming an opinion based on this “one incident” (Which really is at least a month’s worth of finacial abuse) because this “one” occurance is abuse, it is dangerous, and it is 100% divorce worthy. That does not mean that you must divorce but that it is a serious deal breaker for most people. In much the same way that him having an affair would be 100% worth of divorce if you decided you did not want to stay. 

Post # 173
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

hvanorden:  Everything you said in the beginning in regards to your situation is manipulation and abuse at the hands of your husband. All of your posts after justifying or defending his behavior just made me even more sure that it is manipulation and abuse.

You mentioned that you were abused by a previous boyfriend… Did you know that people that are abused have a higher instance of also being abused in subsequent relationships? Did your husband know about your other relationship when you met? Also, people that have been damaged and are afraid of failure in a relationship for whatever reason (religion, abandonment issues, low self esteem, low impulse control) tend to be targeted by those that seek to control, manipulate and abuse their partners. Your husband seems to have found the perfect partner to victimize. You have allowed him to treat you this way. You jumped into a marriage after 6 months and then basically just let him take control of your life. He is not your husband he is your captor. You have no say in your relationship, and no financial situation to speak of and you are making excuses to stay with him. He has boxed you into a corner and has made it impossible for you to leave because you are dependent on him in every single way. THIS IS WHAT ABUSERS DO. Abuse isn’t always physical & no religion in the world should tell you to settle for abuse because you are married. Please realize this.

You really need to find some sources locally that can help you. I highly suggest counseling and I’m telling you right now that if this is what he is doing this early on in your marriage it will NEVER get better than this. You are there for his benefit only and this is the life you can expect to live if you stay with him.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  MissJulianna.
  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  MissJulianna.
Post # 174
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Hagakyrkan

hvanorden:  divorse him yesterday and be happy!!! And remeber he is treåring you bad, you are (seem to be, I dont know you) treating him good!!

Post # 175
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016 - Blue Devil Golf Club

hvanorden:  I am so glad that you see that having power over your own money does not mean you are distancing yourself away from him, good on you for starting your own bank account bee   I would also talk to him about how he lashes out you when arguing about finances.  He should never belittle you and make you feel worthless just because be can’t discuss issues properly.  I had an ex like this, that would blow up and say the meanest things because he thought that would shut me up and win him the argument.  He had no clue how to communicate properly.  If you cannot tell him how his behaviour makes you feel without him blowing up, then I would say it is time to leave bee. 

Post # 176
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

solnishko1186:  WOW to her comment…..I…..I can’t….I just can’t….
Who even thinks this way anymore?? Are we still in the 1700’s and I just don’t know this??? 

Post # 177
Member
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

hvanorden:  I have read through your original post and your updates. I just want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. It isn’t right and you shouldn’t be put in this situation at all. Unfortunately, it does sound like he is posessive, controlling, and manipulative. It sounds abusive to me, and abuse does not mean it has to be physical or name calling all the time. There are other forms of it, and your situation sounds like one of the other forms.

I’m glad you’re opening your own account, but I don’t think it’s going to solve the root of things. He still doesn’t take your needs into mind. Your underwear has holes in it, you’re limited to what you can spend your money on, and if I understand right he feels that you’re in debt to him for moving into a home together and him feeding you. Were you married when you moved in together and had meals together? If that’s the case, there is no “in debt”, it’s called making joint decisions as a married couple and paying for things together. You don’t owe him a dime.  

I don’t believe in divorce unless the man is abusive or cheating on his wife, and your situation is right along the lines of abusive. I think its so disheartening to see that you can’t fully open your eyes to it because your parents don’t use the word abusive and because they would “disown” you for divorcing him. If thats the case, let them disown you. You should never stay in a marriage or a relationship with anyone because you feel pressured by others to do so. If your parents will truly hate you for doing what is healthy and right for you, let them. At that point, they aren’t much better than the abuser, and you would be better off without any of them.

I hope you can make things work, but I worry about your future. I can’t imagine bringing children into this situation (I assume you wanted children by his comment of saving for a house and kids) when it honestly sounds like it has potential to be an extremely messy outcome. I hope you can seek out help and decide if you’re really going to let someone treat you with such little value.

Post # 178
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

hvanorden:   “when you get married you are transferred from your father’s authority and are now under your husbands authority and that I need to submit to him no matter what.”

I now realized that you need help far beyond this advice thread. OP please seek professional help. Your way of thinking is not healthy and it seems like someone has brainwashed you. You are your own being. You are not property to anyone! I really hope you can see how unhleathy your mentality is. 

Post # 179
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Just more reasons why we neeeed feminism. I am an EQUAL to my PARTNER. You are no one’s property and I say this AS A CHRISTIAN. PLease, please, please open wide your eyes. Terrified for you. Genuinely shaken by this post. 🙁   

Post # 180
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

Helicopter pilot & Uber driver, the gold standard for gold diggers.

ROTFLMAO!

Anna Nicole blew it.

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