(Closed) Hubby Called Me a Gold Digger

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 227
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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hvanorden:  I’m so shocked and sorry to hear about the brutality of the violence you suffered in your prenvious relationship. I hope you received some form of professional support afterwards. It’s not too late if you feel you would benefit from support for what you went through then and/or insight into your current challenges. There are organisations everywhere that offer free support to women who have suffered or feel at risk of domestic abuse. 

I wish you the best for the future and I wish the most un-Christisn torments upon your vile ex. I hope he is in jail, he should be. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Drizzle.
Post # 230
15 posts
  • Wedding: June 2016

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hvanorden:  That’s okay, I figured out it was for me. I Pm’d you. Hope you got it!

Post # 231
99 posts
Worker bee

“We have agreed on separate bank accounts and have also agreed to open a joint account that we use for date nights and joint bills.”

That’s a great start!

I don’t think it’s fair to characterize the entire community as having a “divorce mantra;” I think people just read that initial post and thought it sounded absolutely insane. 

At the end of the day, only you know your relationship the best. If you and your husband were able to reach this kind of conclusion on working out your financial situation after just one level-headed talk, that’s a good sign.

Best of luck! And I also hope your rapist is in jail and stays there.

Post # 232
766 posts
Busy bee

First off, take care of the fact that you have no access to the money and no access to your paycheck. If he won’t agree to that, I think get some counseling help. If he won’t agree to conseling, then I’d see about legal advice sooner than later.

If you are able to work out this issue, maybe he said the gold digger comment in anger? I’ve been with my husband (we’re having a renewal) for all together 19 years this summer and I admit that he’s called me  that once or twice when we were having trouble agreeing on how to handle certain money issues. It was just a stupid thing that he said a few times out of lack of judgement. He did try to say something a third time about ‘well, it’s my money….’ about a year ago and the ‘what a joke’ look I gave him made him laugh so hard he couldn’t even get the rest of it out. 🙂 He knew I wasn’t taking that seriously. We working that out, and I hope you can to. If any topic is a tough one and hard to work on it’s money. We’ve never had a situation where I didn’t have access to the money, we just sometimes haven’t agreed on how to handle it.

Either way, if he won’t work on things and won’t give you say in the money and in your household, then maybe time to rethink your situation. Good luck!

Post # 233
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Stop putting your pay into his account every month. Stop now. Then see if he can agree a reasonable amount you should contribute to joint bills  (mortgage, heating, etc.). Don’t take his word on what is reasonable.  Consult a financial advisor.  You can pay for this out of your paycheck when you stop putting it in his account.  If he agrees to a reasonable amount then pay for your own car.  Tell him to stick his. If he refuses to agree to this and insists you put your pay into his account again and carry on like you used to  then you should point blank refuse. See what he does then. At this point you need to be consulting a divorce lawyer and planning separation.  

Post # 234
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Also, verbal and emotional abuse is still abuse and it is meant to control you. Don’t allow yourself to be controlled. Your wants and needs are as valuable as his.  If he does not see that then leave ASAP.

Post # 235
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

any update OP?

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