Hubby Can't Attend His Family Function, Do I Go Alone?

posted 1 week ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
6061 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d probably not go. My relationship isn’t nearly as strained with my ILs as yours, but I still don’t hang out with them without my husband. 

Post # 3
Member
3531 posts
Sugar bee

No brainer, don’t go. Quite frankly, I’m surprised these people are still in your lives with what you’ve described. 

Post # 4
Member
3665 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

mommainlove :  Nope, I wouldnt go. Go do something fun with your little girl and screw feeling guilty! Guilt is a useless emotion that does nothing for you. You have every reason to not go, going would make you unhappy (that in itself is a good enough reason to not go without him!). Next time your Father-In-Law gives you a hard time about coming to more things, why not say “I just dont feel comfortable coming without H”. No reason to pretend what happened didnt happen! 

Post # 5
Member
44 posts
Newbee

mommainlove :  I like my in laws just fine but I probably wouldn’t go to a birthday party without him, not because I don’t like seeing them or have issues with them, but it just doesn’t seem necessary to me.

In your case, I definitely wouldn’t go, and I wouldn’t want my husband calling in sick to work for a party, even if it was one he cared about attending.

Post # 6
Member
4756 posts
Honey bee

Given how they treat you I’d pass. Go do something fun with your little one instead!!

Post # 10
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

mommainlove :  I would not want my child around them without me there. You can’t be sure if you will know if they say or do anything to your child. I would be hesitant to have my husband take my child around them without me because he struggled to stand up to her before.

My experience is with my mother, my daughter will never be around her without me there, no matter who else is there

If you want your child to have a relationship with the people who have treated you like shit, you need to be there when your child is around them, in my opinion. You want to shelter your child from toxic behavior when you can

Post # 11
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Girl,  you’ll get over the guilt.  You have valid reasons for not going and should NEVER subject yourself to any kind of abuse because……family!

Eff that.

Post # 12
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Even then, you can have a relationship centered on holidays or birthdays so you aren’t around them a lot

Post # 13
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

Sorry, this goes way beyond this party (which… please don’t go).

Mother-In-Law sounds super toxic and, honestly, I wouldn’t want my child around someone like that. Mother-In-Law has ALREADY done something to your child you don’t like. Your husband knows his mother said that his wife need psychiatric help because she was disrespecting your boundaries as a parent and he felt like he didn’t want to get in the middle? That… seems really insane. Being family doesn’t and shouldn’t beget an automatic pass for staying in someone’s life. I know I sound like a broken record on this forum with this, but I must post again: I highly recommend googling DWIL Nation.

Post # 14
Member
6020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Hell no! I didn’t even finish your post. Once I saw that there is strain and Mother-In-Law plays couples off of each other and said you need psychiatric help for enforcing a boundary with her. Nope. None of that behavior gets people visits from you or your daughter.

ABSOLUTELY NOT. I would decline and go do something else with people I actually like. (even if that means sitting in my house, relaxing with my daughter). You don’t owe anyone your time or your presence.

Again, You do not owe anyone your time or your presence.

If you absolutely must spend some time with them, definitely do not do it on your own. Darling Husband isn’t available so neither are you or your daughter. 

Do not spend time with abusers- even if they happen to share blood with your husband. You definitely don’t want to teach your daughter that being abused is acceptable, as long as it’s family doing it.

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