(Closed) Hubby insists I work : /

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 182
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@bombaysapphire_13:  I will say this, Weddingbee is not the place to come and talk about being a Stay-At-Home Mom or Stay-At-Home Wife. Personally, i feel like if that’s what you want or need, you and your husband should come to some sort of compromise. I am a professional woman with a master’s degree and who is independent financially, at this point. I have every intention on being a Stay-At-Home Mom if my Fiance and I can financially swing it. I don’t think it means you aren’t “contributing” or that your brain will turn to mush! It is very important to me that i be home with my children. If you don’t have children, it is important to some women to keep and organized clean with home cooked meal. That is a quite valid JOB that requires commitment. As it is right now, i work all week and come home exhausted and THEN work all weekend keeping house. I get very little time with my son and Fiance. That may very well be a fufilling thing for many women. It isn’t for me. I very much like my career. I’m a speech pathologist, and love helping people. I just feel like my calling is to be home with my children. I couldn’t give a rats behind if that means people around here think it’s being “spoiled” or “lazy”. You do what works for your SO and you!

Post # 183
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@MrsKelloggtobee:  sounds like us!! Fiance works for the world bank, which means he travels…A LOT. sometimes for long periods.  i’m lucky enough to work in an industry where i can basically do my job from anywhere. heck, half my team is in romania, NYC and LA!

whenever he has to leave for like a month or so, i go with him and just work from wherever he is. it’s wonderful getting to explore the world together and still doing what i love to do.

when we start having children, it will be a lot more difficult and we’ve talked about it. if he is gone for a month or 2 every so often, and i have to take care of the children mostly alone, and work 80 hour weeks, it would be a rough. sometimes he only finds out days before he has to leave, and he essentially has very little choice. 

we’ve talked about me transitioning to consulting or freelance projects so i can work more from home. i don’t know if that would technically make me a stay at home, but i would be spending more time at home? but it goes both ways. if i have some amazing opportunity somewhere, he would be all about it.

we are both very hard workers, and we support and care for each other. he’d be okay if i stayed at home and vice versa, as long as it made sense. relationships are a partnership, but for all the people saying that both parties need to work, it’s not always about finances. i personally prefer working, but i don’t know enough about someone else’s lifestyle and relationship to make judgements

Post # 184
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@NonParloItaliano:  Honestly, i feel like some of the hate is just jealousy. Do what works for you and don’t have a second thought about it. Some Bees can be very hateful when it comes to this topic!

Post # 185
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

DH and I both want to be stay-at-home parents lol! I’m a teacher though so I am grateful to get holidays and summers off! Most likely he will work, I will take maternity leave for some time, and then I will get back to work. That’s just the way it is.

Post # 186
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think it’s fair if the wife gets to sit on her behind at home all day while the hubby is working away earning to provide for both of them. Working is not fun and to expect your life partner to slog his life away for both of you while you do nothing… yeah, no. 

Post # 187
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

My brain would melt from too much Weddingbee if I didn’t work. Kinda like the summers (I’m a teacher).

Post # 188
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I didn’t read the whole thread.

I like the idea of being a Stay-At-Home Wife, but I don’t think I could do it. I’m unemployed right now and I’m in school, but I still have a lot of free time. I clean and cook at home, but I get bored too. I’m excited to graduate in November and get a job so I don’t feel like a burden to FH since he’s the only one working. 

If your health is a concern, could you try working part time or work from home more? 

Post # 189
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@bombaysapphire_13:  I can’t say that I’ve ever wished I could be a stay at home wife (or even a stay at home mom) … I think I would actually go insane.  

That being said, I do understand being unhappy in a particular job (I used to work in a place where, no lie, I would come home every day and cry for at least an hour because I was just so stressed and the atmosphere was so toxic).  I also understand the desire to have time just to work on creative projects, especially writing.  

However, I still can’t imagine being 100% dependent on someone else to pay the bills.  That terrifies me.  I also can’t imagine not working in general.  Yes, there are days that I come home completely exhausted and stressed … But I do love my job.  I also have a lot of career-related aspirations that I’m currently working toward (my company is wonderful in terms of opportunity for advancement).  I can’t imagine giving that up to stay at home.

I love writing.  I blog and am also working on a novel.  I do this in my spare time, though.  I wish I were amazing enough to be a full time author … But that’s still a job, even if I were doing it from home.  I’d be expected to meet deadlines, perhaps go on book tours, etc.  It would still come with a lot of stress and responsibility.

I know I gave a long response.  I do want to say that I agree with your husband.  I think couples should be equal partners.  Luckily for me, my fiance and I are on the same page when it comes to this.  It’s very important to be on the same page when it comes to issues like this, and I hope you and your husband are able to reach some sort of agreement soon.

Post # 190
Member
10357 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@msmaddox:  Um, no. People disagreeing does not make them jealous. I find the OPs attitude oppressive towards women, and find
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@NonParloItaliano:  ‘s post where she lists all the things her husband wants her to do appaling. Does she have no voice for her own wants or needs? Or has she left all her power up to her husband’s whims. I wouldn’t trade with these women in a million years. I’m quite happy in my wonderful job, where I get to help cure diseases, instead of sitting at home cleaning for a husband who is ordering me around and telling me what jobs I can and can’t have.

Post # 191
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

@bombaysapphire_13:  Does he have to work? If he isn’t working and isn’t planning to, I don’t see how he can insist that you do. But if at least one of you has to work to meet your financial goals, why should that be him and only him? Maybe it should, but there would have to be a good reason why, wouldn’t there? On the surface it sounds unfair.

Post # 192
Member
3422 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ll be honest here I only read page 1 of this thread because I’m exhausted. I just got home from job 1, made two dinners for my husband so that he can eat tomorrow while I’m at college night for my daughter, doing laundry, answering emails, worked late last night on Job 2 showing homes…Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah! Work is for jerks. 

 

OP, Take a vacation, and reevaluate! 

ETA: Or have a glass of wine..works for me every time:)

 

Post # 193
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@pinkshoes:  Our situation is that we’re both much happier, and the amount I brought in after taxes was right around $1k/mo.  Not worth it.  We’re still able to aggressively pay his student loans and hope to have them paid off in a year.  Our families are also in the less desirable area of the country so while living in the bay area may be considered fun for young adults (things that we don’t really partake in), we feel our money would go further in the midwest. I understand what you’re saying, but our lifestyles are very different than others.  So while I could buy more stuff, it wasn’t worth the added stress. 

Post # 194
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@the_newlymintedmrs-s17:

I had to stop right there and laugh at your “Tangled” comment… That is me right there!! I too am a teacher and have just spent 8 weeks at home with our kids (ages 2 and 3). It gets boring until you don’t even know what day it is.

I wake up, find breakfast, wash the kids up and then they play together and entertain themselves. While they are playing, I prepare lunch and dinner and make sure they have access to their snacks, juice and water. I would then walk around the house and clean (dishes, pick up toys) and by 10:30am i’m bored out of my mind!

I sew as a hobby, read books, go to the beach, sleep but it. is. so. boring!! My friends don’t even get vacations the same time as me so the pressure is usually on my SO. 

I didn’t have a job 6 months before my DD was born and 9 months after… boring!

I could not willingly become a SAHM/W for over 2 months! That would be punishment!

My SO doesn’t mind but I would hate asking him about money. Yes we have equal rights to it but I would feel bad to take it and not mention it to him… Let me teach!

Post # 195
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You wrote that it is ‘my dream goal’. What about your husbands goals?

The problem you have is that once you chose to get married it did not automatically beccome your husbands responsiblity to provide you with that dream.

If you want to be a woman who doesn’t work, go out and earn or save enough money so that you don’t have to- on your own merit, not on someone elses.

Post # 196
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Opposite! Dh prefers me not to work,and the fact that I’m very socially awkward makes it easy for me to see myself not working. But seeing all my former high school buddies that are younger going to college makes me want that (I’m only 20) . But right now I can’t see myself working.g (due to our pups) but anyways yeah its not all that.

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