Post # 1
Oh gosh, I’ve got a funny situation on my hands lol. . .
So I work full time and go to a junior college part time for my degree. This semester, I coincidently ended up in a class with my husband’s friend’s brother. Now, these boys and all of our other friends have been over to our house PLENTY of times for food, drinks, and video game nights. No biggie, whatever. Well, the guy who I have a class with is fresh out of high school, and so he’s at the age where he’s super friendly and likes to hug, hug, hug! I remember being at that age where I hugged all of my friends all the effing time.
However, 1.) I don’t like hugs. I will hug my girlfriends SOMETIMES. i.e., when they have a bad day, or when something amazing happened, etc. 2.) I’m married, and while this *MIGHT* sound stupid. . . I feel like it’s a boundry that I don’t like to be crossed when it comes to guys. I know, I know. He’s doing it to be friendly, but I just don’t want it to happen. Every time after class, he hugs me and I’m just awkwardly patting him once or twice on the back or talking on my phone to a non-existant person to hopefully avoid it and off I go rofl. Now, he’s still a kiddo, and he’s friends with me and my hubby, so I don’t want to hurt his feelings. How can I go about this so he will cease the hugging and not hurt his feelings in the process? Thanks!!<3
Post # 2
Just put up your hands and say “I don’t like hugs thanks”. I despise hugs. There’s no time to mince words. As for not hurting feelings, he should be concerned about your feelings here. I feel like we are expected to be accepting that some people are just huggy. Well some aren’t. It’s not rude to like personal space.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I’m a toucher. I put my hand on friends’ shoulders when I’m making a point, I hug men/women/people who reject gender binary on a daily basis, all of it. But we are all more than allowed to set our own personal boundaries and control our bodies in any way we choose. Next time he goes to hug you just put your hands up and say “Hey Mark, I’m just not a hugger. Not my thing, so please don’t. But I’ll high-five you goodbye!” It WILL be awkward the first time or two, but eventually he will get the message.
NEVER be afraid to express your right to physical boundaries, dear! If he’s genuinely a nice guy, he’ll be willing to respect them.
Post # 4
You have 3 options:
1- sit by the door and run out as soon as class ends, before he gets a chance to come hug you
2- tell him the truth
3-accept the hugs, realizing that there is probably no sexual or malicious intent behind them
Post # 5
HappySky7: You’re right! I didn’t want to come off with the wrong words and make him feel uncomfortable like he’s not welcome to hang out with us or talk to me any more LOL. But I don’t like hugs, and I feel like it’s a boundry I don’t like crossed.
rachel85: That’s a great idea. It gets the point across that I don’t like hugs, but you’re not trying to be rude, it’s just that you want your personal space! You know, I work at a vet office so perhaps I’ll just come in with my scrubs after work and say, “Hey! I smell really bad from work, and besdies, I’m not much of a hugger any ways. But I’ll fist bump you instead!” Thank you, thank you for the suggestion! I think that’ll work perfectly. :o)
WestCoastV: Hahaha! The first option. . . man, I really don’t want to keep running away. The third option, I just could not stay sane rofl. I don’t like hugs, and being married, I REALLY don’t like hugs from other men other than immediate family. Even without any sexual or malicious intent, I just don’t like ’em. I’ll have to go with option #2. Thanks for your opinion. ;D
Post # 6
I didn’t used to like hugs from anyone but over time I’ve had friends die and now it just feels like life is too short- if one small hug makes someone happy then so be it. I’d rather be forced into a hug then feel bad later if something happens and I never see that person again.
Post # 7
Can you offer a fist bump instead? Maybe put some barriers between the two of you– like, a purse, or some books?
Post # 8
LittlePumpkin: PPs already gave excellent advice. I just wanted to let you know that it’s spelt “boundary” not “boundry”. Not trying to be rude at all, thought you might like to know.
Post # 9
shazzshazshz: Thanks. 😛 You can be my personal spell check! I think BOUNDARY ( 😉 ) was one of those words that I’ve screwed up ever since I was a kid. No idea why lol.
Post # 10
Just explain that you aren’t much of a hugger and then just be goofy and offer a fist bump instead. No need to be super serious about it because then it could be ackward. Just be goofy and friendly and offer an alternative. Don’t make it into a “thing”.
I work at a hotel and some how our entire front desk staff is huggers. All the guys and girls alike. We hug hello, goodbye, when people aren’t feeling well it’s CRAZY! It’s like our whole staff drank the coolaid. Its AWESOME! But I am also a hugger, lol.
Post # 11
Yeah I would cut that out immediately. I am sure he’s a nice guy, but it’s not cool if you are uncomfortable. 🙂