(Closed) Huge age gap between children

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

There’s four years between me and my brother.  It wasn’t a big deal.  

I have a son who will be 9 in Oct. and a daughter who’s five.  We plan on having another after the wedding (or at least trying to).  

I think it all depends on how the kids are raised, to be honest….

Post # 4
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

My mom is 12 years older than her youngest brother.  She says it affected their relationship slightly when they were younger because they didn’t have much in common.  He was 14 when she had her first child.  But now that they’re adults and both have families, they’re closer.

Post # 5
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have a 13 yo and am 7 months pregnant with my 2nd one. I was worried about it, but my son is so looking forward to being an older brother I think he will make time for his younger brother.

Post # 6
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have a 12 year gap between me and my brother, I am 26 this year and he is 14… We are not very close as it was really hard growing up with nothing in common at all. As he gets older it seems to be getting a bit better but he is at that wierd stage right now.. so we will see..  word of advice from experience 12 years is too much… in your case 8 years difference is also a lot but if it suites your life at this point then go for it.. hey maybe your next one will also be a girl, that would be a lot easier and they would get along a bit better with things in common and the little one will someday look up to the older one…

Post # 7
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My sister and I are 13 months apart so I don’t have personal experience.  However, my Fiance is nearly 10 years younger than his oldest sister and the middle sister is like 4-5 years older than him.  He said growing up, especially during grade school, he was lonely but that he did appreciate it later in high school since he had his parents to himself and by then his parents were a lot more relaxed with him than with his sisters.  Being close in age doesn’t necessarily mean friendship and bonding.  For a really long time, it was a pain in the ass to have a sister that close in age to me.  Now I don’t mind but living together was hell, we have completely different personalities.

With that said, my Fiance felt like there was too much space between his siblings and wants our own children to be 2-3 years apart.  He really doesn’t know his oldest sister all that well.  But then again, his family didn’t encourage a lot of family bonding activities until after she was off to college.  He’s close to his sister that is 4-5 years older.  Whatever family planning decision you make, it’ll be fine.  I think for the most part, the bonding can happen later in life.  My dad is really close to all of his siblings that are 10 years older than him (my grandma had two marriages) and that didn’t start until he was in his late 20s and early 30s.  Each of your children will feel like an only child and there’s nothing wrong with that, I see a lot of merit in it.

Post # 8
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I have 2 younger brothers. One is 3 years younger (we’ll call him A, 23) and the other is 8 years younger (B, 19). I am MUCH closer with A than B. The difference is huge. I think if you only have the 2 then it wont be such a big deal. But I know for us, A and I only really fought while we weren’t in the same school. I loved getting to expericence High School with A and could relate to A so much better. My brother B went to a different high school, and is now married with a baby of his own, and we still really have NOTHING to talk about.

On the other hand, my Cousin J (21) has twin sisters (13) and they are closer, but when the family gets together, It is me, A, and J and our SO’s and then everyone else mostly due to the age difference.

I love my brothers, but at the end of the day, I would always rather be with A then B.

SN: I am working on my relationship with B, but it is VERY hard, I find it extremely difficult to relate, and our parents make it so much harder. There is a resentment there that is hard to overcome (he is the baby and has always been handed everything, A and I had to work for everything we wanted.)

Post # 9
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh I might add that I was raised very strictly and parents didnt have a lot of money when I was younger ( only child ) then when my brother came along my parents businesses started to do very well and my brother grew up very spoiled getting anything he wanted and parents stopped being so strict so to this day if he doesnt get what he wants he takes it out on everyone and that takes a toll on relationships throughout the years, who wants to be around a spoiled brat..  So it is definetly the way you are raised.

Post # 11
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@tranquility: I was 19 when I had my first child. I wanted him and any siblings to be no more than 5 years apart thinking that it might be too much of an age gap. But other than going out to get pregnant just to have a baby I was not going to meet that goal…lol.

I agree with others who say it is all in how they are raised. I raised my son by myself, this child will have both parents, but my son knows that we are both there for him. And in our case it won’t be one gets more than another. We live paycheck to paycheck so unless we win the lotto that is how it will remain…lol.

Post # 12
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My brother and I have 13 years between us.

I’m 24 & he’s 37. We have gone through phases of being really close and drifting apart, for the most part though we’re very tight. (that is, besides the fact he picked a dumb ass girlfriend who’s alienating him from the family. which kinda throws a wrench into our relationship).

Post # 13
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My sister is 8 years older than I, and I am 8 years older than my twin brothers, therefore, there are 16 years between my sister and my brothers.

I don’t think that the age difference automatically means there isn’t closeness. For us, there was a different kind of closeness. I admit that when I was about 9-15, things were a little rough in my relationships between me and my sis, mainly because I was a brat and a tattletale, and she joined the military and was stationed all over the world. But my brothers and I were always close. I loved taking care of them for the most part, and if anyhting, having little kids in the house just extended the extra fun-ness of childhood for me! Like my parents still did family stuff that I don’t think they would have done just for me/older kids. Like Christmas and stuff was always super fun. 

Now that we’re older (I’m 23, and the twins are 15), and my sister (who’s 31 and lives only 6 hours from us now), we’re all best friends and I feel so lucky to have such a fun sibling dynamic–plus I think I benefitted from it, because I was able to be independent and “only child,” but still have a fun and amazing support system too (obviously, my brothers being twins don’t have this luxury, hehe).

Post # 14
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

There is a six year gap between my younger brother and I. Its not so bad. Fiance has a 14 year gap between him and his youngest bro. It is what it is. They are still siblings and love eachother, its just a different dynamic of how they interact and play together because of the age difference.

Post # 15
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@tranquility: I know a family that has eight kids.  And there’s a couple years between each kid (at least one year).  They are a VERY tight-knit family.  Even the eldest who is now getting into wrestling.  

So, I definitely think it’s all in how the kids are raised.  The 9 year old loves babies and adores his sisters and younger cousins and watches out for them (excpet for when they’re all getting into trouble, lol).  

To be honest, the reason I haven’t had another sooner was because of the whole stability and finanicial thing.  Kids aren’t cheap and we wanted a more stable, better environment for them all.  

Which means house + wedding (okay, well, I’d be willing to start after getting a house, but since we’re doing the wedding, the wedding has to come first, too, lol).  Which means at least 2013 before the next is born.

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