(Closed) Huge argument with my boyfriend. Am I in the wrong?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@msfahrenheit:  +1 

I think you both blew this out of proportion, OP. I think you two need to work on your communication and conflict resolution skills. You should talk about how the argument got out of hand and how you could handle it better next time. I don’t know about you but I would not be ok with my SO not talking to me for a few days after an argument. 

Post # 78
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It sounds like you like him way more than he likes you. Just my opinion. Don’t call him agian, he should call you. He should be the proactive one about setting up a time and place to meet since he needs space for a week.

is he normally like this? You’ve been with him for 2 years. It’s strange he has ONE best friend who is a woman and its not you. And he’s miffed that he is your best friend.

Post # 79
Member
13372 posts
Honey Beekeeper

“I’m not ready to break up”  We already know that the Boyfriend or Best Friend is a little off in the word choice  department, but this line could also be interpreted  as a warning, as if to say he’s not ready…yet.  Followed up with the “we’ll see how Friday goes” AFTER OP’s apology, it  sounds a little more negative.  And the wait till Friday  thing sounds more like a punishment than a cooling off period.  Maybe I’m wrong  and he was just “busy” this week, as someone else suggested.  Somehow, I doubt this, but we’ll see. 

Post # 80
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with a lot of the comments. It sounds like you both overreacted, communication kind of broke down, and now you are learning a LOT about how your SO handles conflict–namely, that he runs away from it. 

How has your relationship been up until this point? Have you ever had a “tantrum” around him? Given that you’ve been together two years and he blew up about your insistence on calling each other best friends, I’m inclined to believe that maybe he has been feeling the passion fade for a while and your best friend comment brought that to a head. The fact that he hasn’t communicated any of this with you, though (assuming that’s what is at the root of it) is rather troubling. Everyone deals with conflict in different ways, and there’s nothing wrong with taking some time to cool off. However, the amount of time he’s taking with this seems so far out of proportion to the argument that it does seem really odd to me.

Also, it bears noting that different people want different things from a long-term relationship/marriage and there is nothing inherently wrong about either of you wanting what you want (you wanting a best friend, him wanting a girlfriend/romantic relationship). However, it is very important that you both know yourselves well enough to articulate what you want in more depth, so that you can see if you can both get your needs met within this relationship. So you should take some time before Friday to think about what you want/need from a partnership, and you are well within your rights to expect him to be able to articulate with more depth and clarity what he wants out of a long-term partner. If he is not able to say what he wants and needs from you, then maybe he’s just not ready to be in a committed relationship.

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