Post # 1
Member
36 posts
Newbee
Hiya, I’m due to get married in September , my fiancés family are normal and all get along, where as my family is a whole different story. Me and my mum don’t talk and haven’t since I got pregnant. Year ago she has met my baby once and that’s it ( long story but she wasn’t the best mother and I moved into my grandparents at 14) my dad isn’t around and never has been, I love my grandad and wanted him to walk me down the aisle but is a bit of an alcoholic and again has only visited my baby once or twice , my nan who was like my mum but has recently turned on since this argument with my mum and is always very cold with me, it’s all a mess. i wanted to just have me my fiancé our daughter and two witnesses but my fiancés brother thinks his family will be upset , but I cant invite his family and not mine ! What would you do ? X
Post # 2
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
Well, yes you can invite his family and not yours. Will your family like that? No, but they don’t seem to want to be involved with you or your child. Why should your FI’s family have to suffer because you were stuck with a less than stellar family?
Post # 3
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
Your family aren’t acting very family-like and don’t even make any effort to see your baby. I would have zero problem not inviting them.
They obviously don’t give a crap about hurting you and are causing unneeded stress so why should you worry about hurting them?
It would be different if you’d just recently fell out with your mum but as you said, it’s been going on for years and she wasn’t much of a mother.
Post # 4
Member
36 posts
Newbee
hermom: Im thinking this too. I guess I’m just a bit sad my family have turned like this when we were once very close
Post # 5
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
Of course you can invite his family and not yours. There is no rule saying that your sides have to be even in regards to who you invite. Will you possibly piss some people off? Sure. But it doesn’t sound like you care to really have a relationship with some/most of the people in your family, so as long as you are okay with the fact that they may be upset, go ahead and not invite them.
But, if you and your Fiance just want it to be yourselves and two witnesses, then do that. Don’t let his one brother make you feel like you have to invite his family.
Do you have close friends? If so, invite them in place of your family. People can be considered family even if they aren’t blood related. So think about who in your life means a lot to you and invite those people.
Post # 6
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
Jesslovelock12: I am not asking for any details but did something happen within your family to cause some kind of nuclear blowout?
Post # 7
Member
36 posts
Newbee
hermom: yes, basically i got pregnant and my mum was very OTT about being involved when she wasn’t really a mother to me. So I told her how it is and she didn’t like it.
Post # 8
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
The only advice I can give you is to think about the big picture and not just your wedding day. Are you hoping for a relationship with your mom again? Are you thinking of distancing yourself from her?
have you sat down with her and had a clear talk about everything?
Think big picture here – do you want a relationship with these people or has that ship sailed? Sometimes we come to the conclusion that we have toxic family members and we are better off cutting contact with them (I did that).
Take your wedding out of the picture and decide how you want your family to look, say 2 years from now. Then, go from there.
I wish you the best of luck. You need to balance what is best for you and your family against the possibility of whether or not you will have a relationship with your mom and grandparents. Good luck.