(Closed) HUGE disagreement threatening the wedding over whether a friend should be invite

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@alligatress: But he also said several times that she has legitimate reasons to dislike the guy.

My point is that we don’t have enough info to take a side on this one, and that people are being really quick to judge.  Blanket statements about what someone should always do, whether it is to defend the SO or preserve the friendship, are rarely helpful.  That’s all.

edit: I just saw that the OP edited his post! Sorry for any confusion, I missed that earlier… going back to read it now.

Post # 33
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you should call her on her bluff. If she figures out that you will bend on this issue, you’re screwed my friend. Stand your ground, he’s your friend and your girl needs to get some thicker skin. I’m probably going to get bashe but I hate when girls pull this bs, seriously its like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum in a supermarket because you wont buy them candy. SERIOUSLY same thing, she is throwing a tantrum because she is not getting her way. I think you’ve been supportive to her and tried to understand her but it sounds like she’s still stuck in high school. Stand your ground!

Post # 34
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yes- your fiance is overracting by asking you to not invite him to the wedding.

HOWEVER- this day is a celebration of your love and the beginning of your life together–and someone who doesn’t like your future wife shouldn’t be standing up there…whether he is a good friend to YOU or not. You wedding party should be supportive of your marriage, or they should not be standing by you. YOU TWO ARE BECOMING ONE. That’s what marriage is–merging your lives and becoming one. All this about you being two individuals is what is bs. You need to respect your fiance’s feelings…it doesn’t sound like she is trying to manipulate you into not being friends with this guy (after all she has made sacrafices to let your remain friends-like not go places where he is). To tell the truth-I’ve had problems with friends disliking my fiance and they ended up cut out of my life- I mean people I grew up with since kindergarden- and now girls I thought would be in my wedding aren’t even invited. Was it easy? no..but If they don’t like the man I’m going to marry-then they don’t like me. You can’t get me without him-that’s the way it goes. AND- It sounds like your fiance has put up with your friend’s obnoxious crap until she can’t take it anymore…sounds like you were aware of that and yet you asked him to be in NOT JUST YOUR wedding. Which, she let slide at first…until she realized that that was pretty crappy to have a guy who didn’t like the bride standing up there. SO I don’t blame her for being pissed…even though I do not agree with how she is handling this, I understand her being pissed. You need to BE A MAN- and tell your “friend” to get a grip…and if he can’t treat your future wife right-then hit the road. Because- you love her..and shouldn’t let anyone talk down to her-especially a so called friend. SO-talk to your friend. STAND UP FOR YOUR FIANCE. Honestly-that’s what your future wife wants…for her to mean enough for you to stand up for her, and put this guy in his place. Maybe if you do that-she will be understanding of you wanting him to be AT your wedding–but I still think NOT IN it. I’ve been in your position before, I understand it’s not easy-but you have to let your friend know, she’s the most important thing to you-and if he doesn’t respect that…let him walk. 

Post # 35
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

couples counseling 100%  that’s my advice

the background is still too vague to my a decision in my opinion.  bad blood from high school?  it could be really bad and the fiancee sick and tired of putting up with it or it could be something that while not enjoyable you should be able to set it aside for one day.  and just because the OP believes “nothing too serious as far as I am concerned” doesn’t mean that it IS or ISN’T.  there are no examples as to what happened – for both how the fiancee acts and how the friend acts.  until we know what is deemed a serious issue and what isn’t we can’t know if the she is overreacting.  too vague

Post # 36
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@greenleafmountain: Yes, really.  However, if what you described actually happened, I personally would have a hard time being friends with that person anymore anyway, regaurdless of how my fiance reacted.  I was just being honest about how I view this type of situation.  I as well as my fiance value individuality and personal friendships as being equally important to our relationship with eachother.  I don’t believe it was a “blanket statement” or a judgement.  And I did offer a small idea on how to deal with the situation differently. I have a different opinion than most, what can I say?

Post # 37
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know this is an old post and may be irrelevant, but my Fiance asked one of his guy friends to be in our wedding when he and I have bad blood. Before he and I dated said “friend” would call me a tramp, a hussy, insult me, tell my friends i had diseases, a real piece of work. But, this was “our day” and it was one of his oldest friends. I can’t say we are starting a life with just the two of us, it involves all of our friends and family coming together to start a new life. So I compromised on him being in the wedding party, but he later stepped down because of financial reasons. She is over reacting, entirely. Some name calling as teenagers is not a legitimate reason to call off your wedding.

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