Post # 1
I’m writing right now at my wit’s end. For over a year, the guest list has been the bane of my existence adn the single biggest point of contention between my parents and my future in-laws. I have next to zero family in the States, just my parents and sister, and a few close friends. My FI’s family is huge- we’re up to over 130 family members, with more appearing on the list every day. My parents have never been fans of this wedding, and they’ve chosen this issue as their battleground. They will not budge from having exactly 150 guests or less at the wedding. Since they’re paying, I wanted to respect that. But now my future in-laws, recognizing that the overwhelming majority of the guest list is made up of their family, has offered to pay for half of the reception. Most people would think that such an offer would solve the problem, right? Except that my parents dislike FI’s parents, and would rather pay for the whole thing themselves just so they can uphold their 150 guest max rule. I don’t know what to do anymore. This has become an issue of establishing dominance for my parents, rather than a happy occasion celebrating our marriage. The wedding’s coming up soon, we need to get invitations printed and mailed, and it’s all at a standstill. Honestly, at this point, I would just elope if my parents hadn’t already paid for so many non-refundable deposits. This whole year of wedding planning has been nothing but stress, and I don’t know how to make it better.
Post # 3
Just wanted to wish you luck. I didn’t really go through this too much, it was just Fiance and I arguing about guests. We left parents out of it, but then again, we could because we were paying.
Maybe try sitting everyone down and having them talk through it rather than communicating through you and your Fiance. I doubt your parents would say to FI’s parents that they won’t share the cost in order to accomodate extra guests.
Post # 4
The only advice I can give would be to try and talk to your parents (which I’m sure you have already done). Just try to keep in mind that this is your special day and you should celebrate with who you want to celebrate with. Try to make your parents see this.
Post # 5
Do you and your Fiance want to add to the guest list or are you happy with it the way it is? I would decide what is best for the two of you- don’t base your decision based on what your parents or your FI’s parents want you to do.
Post # 6
I think the most important thing is what YOU and YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND want. If you do want to have more guests and it would make you happy, go for it. If you are really unhappy and seriously want to elope, then elope. Set up a monthly payment plan to pay your parents back for the money that you have already paid on deposits. If you want to accept the extra money that has been offered, sit your parents down and say they are making you miserable and stressing you out just on principle. Ask them if would they rather have a happy daughter? Who has a great wedding day? Or would they rather ‘win’ this point with their future in laws? If they love you unconditionally – and as your parents this is their job! – then they should be happy to give you the wedding day that you want, whether or not that means that you also accept a generous offer from someone else to help pay.
It really makes me mad when people turn wedding days into something else! they should do whatever they can to make you have a special day!! good luck
Post # 7
Thanks for all the support guys. It means a lot to know that I’m not just crazy or over-reacting.
I wanted to get everybody together to talk, but my parents refuse to meet with his parents. They’re convinced that everything my FI’s parents do has an ulterior motive, so they don’t trust them and don’t want to see them. Just so you know- FI’s entire family has been very welcoming of me and several of them are helping us out with wedding details like flowers and decor. My parents won’t really talk to me about it either. It doesn’t matter how calm I am, or how logical, this subject sets them off and it usually just ends up with me getting yelled at.
To me, it doesn’t really make a difference whether the guest list is bigger or smaller. We’re not talking about a big change either- maybe 15 extra people. As long as it makes my Fiance happy, I’m happy. I just want to marry him and have a good day. And I know for a fact that every person on his part of the guest list is happy for us and would love to celebrate our day.