Huge fight. Table thrown. Pregnant. So long.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 106
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m glad you’re going to be staying with your family. However, please please don’t let him lure you back into his life. It will only be worse next time and he will only make it harder to leave. He will apologize and swear up and down that he was wrong and is sorry, he will get emotional, he will swear to change. And if you go back to him things will seem better, but only for as long as it takes for you to trust him again. Then he will return to his abusive self.

Please take this time to get the legal process of separation started. You don’t owe him any more chances because he will just take advantage of your love.

Post # 107
Member
2298 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, thank god you finally responded. Over the past couple of days without an update, my mind was really wandering towards the worst—that he’d killed you. 

 

Please, please PLEASE listen to everyone here (yes, well over 100 responses—take heed to every. single. one.) and do not go back to him, no matter how much he claims to have “changed” or how “sorry” he is or how he’ll “never do it again”. If only the countless women who have been victims of domestic abuse were able to tell you how many times they’ve heard the same thing, only for the abuse to continue escalating.

 

There are plenty of single parent households that are successful, happy, and full of love. This man is toxic and you don’t need to be raising a child around someone like that. He does not *deserve* to have your daughter. Men like him need to be exiled from *all* women because they’re DANGEROUS. 

 

Im so glad you’re able to stay with your parents. Please, just whatever you do, don’t go back to him. 

Post # 108
Member
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

azf0019 :  

Your fears are well grounded, Bee.  Over half (55%) of all women murdered are killed by intimate partners.

Domestic violence frequently escalates during pregnancy.  It’s considered a seriously underreported crime.

I am very relieved to hear that the OP has left to stay with her parents.

Post # 109
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

Glad to hear you are going to your parents and getting support. It’s the first step in a healing journey. You and your daughter deserve a life of peace and love. I’m praying for you.

Post # 110
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

Be a strong woman your daughter can look up to. A woman who was strong enough to face difficulties to save both of their lives.

Post # 111
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not sure where you are located but you should contact your local domestic violence center for counseling and any legal or housing needs you may have. 

Post # 112
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

 “glad you are alive. I’m going to be blunt because you need to hear this. A community of people who don’t know you were concerned for your life.”

This is so right! I got the chills when I read your original post and I’ve been keeping watch every day hoping you would give us updates that you were getting out of there and getting help.

When I saw the update that you were getting out of there, I started to cry from relief. Don’t blame yourself, every story I’ve heard about abusers were like yours. He didn’t used to do this, and one day he just changed, and no one saw it coming.

Don’t be embarrassed. You are doing the right thing, acting quickly and getting help sooner vs later. Just get out, don’t look back. This man is not worth a second thought, don’t let him convince you he’ll change. Even if he got all the help in the world you’ll never know when he could do it again. That’s no way to live, you deserve better!

I agree with others, he could easily go after your child and I have no doubt that he would. Keep you and your baby safe!

Post # 113
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

BTW- if you haven’t left yet, I would call the police so they can be there when you get your stuff out! No reason for you to not ask for that kind of help. PLEASE let the police protect you. I used to go to a school with a huge criminal justice department,ate lunch with cops all the time. They would tell me how they wish people in these situations would just call them and let them do their jobs and keep people safe vs taking chances. If the officers just have to be there to keep a eye out and all goes fine and you get out safe then mission accoplished!

Please keep us posted, I hope to see pictures of you in a new life and with your new baby. 🙂

again, knowing that you are getting out of there is going to make me sleep much better tonight, I was so worried!

Post # 114
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

He is a toxic, abusive man. Get away from him. Go and get yourself somewhere safe, you are NOT safe right now. If he is throwing tables around the next thing will be a physical confrontation with you. You do not deserve this and neither does your baby. Separate, take all your things with you and stay with your family safely. 

Post # 115
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

homealone :  just saw your update- stay strong bee. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. You deserve the best in this world ❤️

Post # 116
Member
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

keepingitreal8675309 :  

Very sound advice, Bee.  In some communities it’s called a “civil standby”, other places it’s known as a “keep the peace” or similar language.

No doubt your law enforcement acquaintances also told you that they hate DV calls.  Those calls are so volatile, so unpredictable, and so dangerous that communities have been drafting new policies for procedures, especially not allowing any officers to respond solo.

Here’s another horrifying DV fact:  22% of officer “line of duty” deaths happen on DV calls.

Dear gawd.  If trained, armed police officers can’t protect themselves from abusers, how is a pregnant woman going to be safe?

https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/how-police-are-trained-to-respond-to-domestic-violence#.WsbQ8lopCf0

Post # 117
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee

homealone :  Honey, this is toxic. For your sake and your baby’s sake please get the fuck out of there. Move in with family or friends. This is not safe. You’re not a whore. You’ve done nothing wrong. Please be safe.

Post # 118
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

OP, I read your update, and I am so relieved! That man is an abusive piece of garbage who isn’t worth the dirt on your shoes. You know you’ve done nothing wrong. You stood up to him. You left that situation. GOOD. FOR. YOU.

Please, please, PLEASE do not go back to him under any circumstances. He will try to be on his best behavior until he wins you back, and then it’s right back to square one. 

You deserve better. Your child deserves better. I’m so glad you have family backing you up. Please just take care of yourself and your baby WITHOUT him!

Post # 119
Member
1516 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

homealone :  OP How are you? Hoping you’ve gotten out safely!

Post # 120
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

I am scared for you Bee.

Think of your daughter!

I am the product of the woman that didn’t leave. Before I was adpoted my Dad Flipped and started abusing my mom. She didn’t leave… After the adpotion went through he began abusing me and my mom. As a result I made many mistakes my Mom did and only extream therapy has taught me self worth after many years.

Please Bee, Leave, Don’t tell him your at your parents and when he realizes your gone be strong when he comes to you all apologetic and sweet promising change. Its a lie, Men like him never change.

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