(Closed) Huge fight with FMIL — need a place to vent/support!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I appreciate maybe you needed to vent but your actions seem out if proportion to her sarcasm. Honestly it sounds like that’s all it was, some sarcastic ribbing. Maybe she should apologize for her ribbing you but it seems like there has to be a build up of other things for you to jump on her like that. It sounds like you both should apologize, I’m married and believe me this can be a slippery slope, I would hurry to do so because you know his father has been hearing about it and talking about this stuff can influence how other family members view you. Having said that I think you may have overreacted a bit.

Post # 5
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Good for you for standing up for yourself! I have a mil from Hell and would love a chance to do this, but she’s a coward and says everything behind our backs when we’re not there. You have nothing to apologize for! I was just wondering…you and your fi aren’t having children b/c of her? If so, this is really sad:( Maybe you still can, but just inforce some boundries. It’s great to hear that he stands by you!

Post # 6
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry this happened to you. This story reminds me so much of my boyfriend’s mom. I think that what you said to her was appropriate and the fact that she tried to minimize your hurt feelings is just immature and selfish. I disagree with the previous poster, that said your actions were inappropriate. 

Why do you say you probably won’t have kids because of her?

Post # 7
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with PP that your reaction seems extreme in this situation, but I get the feeling this was really just the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

If everyone else agrees with you, then clearly you are not in the wrong….I don’t have a lot of advice, other than to just say I think you need to just not react to her. It sounds like she’s tyring to egg you on, and when you snap on her (while warranted), you’re just giving her what she wants so she can play the victim. My Future Sister-In-Law is a pro at this game, I know it very well.

Post # 8
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Good for you for standing up for yourself!! I cant believe some of the things people will put up with, so I’m glad you won’t and you have people on your side. Keep it up, and eventually she will have no choice but make nice or not be in your lives. 

If you want kids, have them. Remind her you are the parent, and she needs to respect that, and if she can’t, she will not have a relationship with your children. I would have done the exact same thing. Keep it up girl! 🙂

As long as you and your Fiance stand united, everything will be fine 

Post # 12
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Stand your ground. She was Seeking attention, whether it was negative attention for you or positive for herself, but she was wrong. Granted you probably could have pulled her aside, but I doubt she would have gotten the hint. Maybe now the rest of the wedding planning can happen without the little remarks she’s gotten so good at.

Post # 13
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Good for you! I wish I had stood up to my Mother-In-Law during wedding planning– it’s still a regret of mine. Now that we’re having a baby, it’s all coming back– so yes, get it figured out now rather than putting it off like I did (because it will not go away!)! It’s great that your Fiance saw it too and is on the same page as you. Good luck OP!

Post # 15
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think your reaction was extreme at all. Your finances are none of her business and if you want to buy a few new pieces of wardrobe then what the hell does she care? I think it’s great that you stood up for yourself and I do think you deserve an apology. I’m sure her comments were embarrassing for you and probably made it seem like you shouldn’t have been shopping to those who overheard them (or she blatantly told). Not everyone will know the terms behind your lent agreement so they’ll probably assume that you couldn’t afford to buy new things. That’s humiliating. She needs to learn her place and shut her mouth. If I were in your situation, she would have left crying. 

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