- 6 years ago
I just got into a huge fight with my mother, which isn’t atypical of me. Whenever she comes to town and whenever we talk a lot, we fight. She’s kind of manipulative and wants me to do things her way, even though I’m an adult at this point and can make my own decisions.
I was so upset that the Boyfriend or Best Friend walked over because he realized I was upset, and I was talking to her when he walked in (he has a key). Since she’s in town she was supposed to get dinner with the two of us (she doesn’t know him that well…only met him once and he’s shy so he didn’t talk), but being my mother she wanted to just hang out with me and for me to go to her hotel and meet her and then sleep over with her. When I asked her whether she could meet us to have dinner with the two of us, she said no. Apparently hopping in a cab is too hard for her to do, but not for me. When I told her that I have finals to finish (and tonight I have 3 out of town friends staying at my place who decided to invite themselves over, but that’s a different story…two in my bed and one on the couch), she started telling me it was fine and I just need to do what’s best for myself, but I saw right through her and she ended up upset with me and telling me that I could’ve done these things ahead of time and that everyone sees how lazy I am being and that Boyfriend or Best Friend probably isn’t getting a good impression of me and that no one wants to be with a lazy person, etc etc etc. My mother was also upset that I spent an hour and a half tidying up my house for my friends to come to a neat place (only two of them were supposed to come, and one of the two decided to independently invite the third person) and then she told me that I had told her I’d come meet her earlier and why had I spent two hours doing something else. Obviously (said my mother) I didn’t want to meet her and she “sees how it is now” and all this stuff that just made me cry my eyes out.
I told Boyfriend or Best Friend about the fight since he came over while I was talking with my mother on the phone, so he heard some of the things that were said, but now I’m afraid that he’s going to have a bad impression of her and think that she doesn’t like him* and that he’s just going to think negatively of her. I told him this and Boyfriend or Best Friend assures me that if my mother is anything like I am, he knows that the issue must be complicated (hahaha, apparently I’m a complicated person) and that he realizes he’s only hearing one side of the story.
I don’t know. I was always told that you shouldn’t be airing out family laundry to someone who isn’t, and I feel like I’ve done something terrible and that Boyfriend or Best Friend will never look at my mother completely positively. He comes from a very calm and nice family. I really, really like them. They’re very different in comparison to my family…we’re very passionate and emotional about our relationships, so it’s less stable than just being in a calm family, you know?
What do y’all think?
I don’t think I should’ve told him. Now I’m paranoid that he’ll think badly of my mother and/or my family.
*No one is ever going to be good enough for my mother…I’m supposed to be her perfect little girl. I mean, I’m not ever going to be good enough for her either. So saying that any SO that I have is not going to be good enough isn’t a far stretch or offensive, if I, myself, am never going to be good enough, you know? I’ve tried to talk to my mother about this, but she denies that this is true, even though I know it is. I’ll just never live up to her standards and neither will anyone else.