- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Hello, I decided to post here to get some opinions from outside my friends.
I am from Spain, my husband is Canadian of Polish descent (his parents and all his extended family members were born in Poland but immigrated here in Canada). We are getting married in Canada in May.
I initially wanted to have a small and intimate wedding with only close family and friends, but In-Laws insisted that we have to have a big wedding inviting all of their extended family. They said they are going to pay for cost of the hall and my fiance and I agreed with that (my fiance and I are paying for the rest). Our wedding in May will have about 170 guests in which 70%-Polish (his extended family and family friends), 20%-Canadian (our friends) and 10%-Spanish (my family).
I understand that most of the wedding guests will be Polish and In-Laws are paying for the hall, but I am getting frustrated with the way they get too involved in the planning process. First of all, when we went to see the hall for the first time, they came along. When the Hall Manager asked us what kind of food we would like to have, Mother-In-Law jumped in and told the manager that they wanted to have all Polish style without ever having discussed with me in prior to.
When my fiance and I decided to have gourmet chocolate as wedding souvenirs, In-Laws told me that it isn’t good enough. We did research and came up with homemade sea salt bottles infused with rosemary from our garden, Mother-In-Law laughed at me and said, nobody uses that. Instead, she said we should get some sort of plates ro candel holders for wedding souvenirs otherwise we would look cheap.
When I told Mother-In-Law I am planning on creating a gift registry, Mother-In-Law also told me not to as Polish guests bring money, and LOTS of money as their family is wealty. She said, “I don’t know about your friend and family but we have money and we are not CHEAP!” I told her that I would enclose gift registry info on only invitations for my friends and family, she still said no saying, “you don’t just do for some people, that’s not nice”.
The whole wedding process has been a horrible experience for me due to In-Laws outragiously pushy involement. They had to criticize everything including my bridesmaides dresses to how to words on invitations and what to enclose. MIL even told me how I should wear my hair up on the wedding day, quote, “I don’t like when you wear your hair down”. I have always been respective to In-Laws, tried to forget all the nit picking and criticizes they have made, especially because I understand they are paying for the cost of the hall.
However, I guess all the things have been piled up. We got into a huge fight two days ago, when In-Laws told us we have to get Polish live bands throughout the night of the wedding when all of us initially agreed on having a band for a few hours during the meal and have DJ for the rest of the night (we already found DJ). In-Laws said Polish guests have already been complaining to them that they would not like DJ, only want to dance with traditional Polish music that they would leave when they finish the meal.
I am just fed up, my family is in Spain but they never said anything about how they want some Spanish flavor in the wedding, and neighter did I. I want everyone to have a great time and if the majority of the guests are Polish, then I agree that we should consider that part. However, I am frustrated about not being heard or even bing asked to see if I am ok with all these their decision. I told In-Laws about everything I have wrote here and explained how I feel. MIL screamed to me, “Then you should have married Spanish man!” although I never said anything about how I wanted have anything Spanish for the wedding. Again, I explained, all I wanted to have was respect from them, respect for my opinion as bride. My fiance and I are paying the rest of the wedding excluding hall, which is still a lot of money we do not have, and I feel that I deserve some respect. I would have taken all these things a lot better if they were to ask me, for once, if I would agree with all their ideas instead of tellimg me “this is how we do and you have to follow the tradition”.
Lastly, my fiance has been a great support, he stands by me for most parts and tell his parents to back off because it’s our wedding. In-laws fights back and insist that because they are paying for majority of the wedding. I don’t want to create conflict between my fiance and In-laws as they are very close.
I just don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I feel like I should continue respecting their wishes but I feel it’s unfair that they don’t respect me… If they are paying for the hall, do I just listen and let them have however they want without having myself sticking up for respect?
Thank you for reading my post…English is not my first language, I apologize for some grammar mistakes!