Post # 1
My FH and I have been basically engaged. He hasn’t completely done a proposal but he said he knew he wanted to marry me and he’s been planning our wedding with me. He even asked me to start wearing my great-great grandmothers wedding ring set on my left finger as a promise.
Today I asked if we could go look at some beaches to get married on, and he asked why. I said we need to get our permit about a year in advance. And we’ve been planning on a wedding next april. He brought up looking at beaches just last week.
All of a sudden he doesn’t want to put a deadline on anything, cause it makes him feel pressured into getting married. I don’t understand why he has supported every decision, even in the last few days. This is coming out of nowhere. He even mentioned running to vegas and eloping just on Monday. Why the sudden change?
I’m so hurt, and heartbroken, i don’t even know what to think right now.
What do i do?
Post # 3
@SandAndSea: Did you ask him what sparked the sudden change?
Post # 4
He might be scared; not of marrying you, but some people change when they get married, and he might be afraid of that. I suggest asking him why the change in how he is feeling. Let him know that it is okay if he is scared and that you just want to know.
Post # 5
There’s a BIG difference between “I want to marry you someday, here’s a promise ring” and “Let’s start planning our location.” Even if he said he was ready to elope, that might have been a way to take some of the pressure off.
It sounds like it all might be getting a little too real when he wasn’t completely ready to begin with.
I’d hold off on the wedding plans until you are officially engaged. You’d rather have a fiance who is ready to take the next step with a 100% no doubt about it proposal, rather than lock down the perfect beach before it’s right for both of you.
Post # 6
@Mrs.tobe: I didn’t have the chance to ask about the sudden change because he had to go to work.
@KatyElle: I don’t understand because finding a beach was his idea before I even suggested it. He’s had no problem with plans up until earlier today.
If he is scared why not just tell me?
Post # 7
@SandAndSea: Sounds like you just need to talk it out when you both have more time to do so. Let him know what you’re feeling. Sorry you have to think about it until then…
Post # 8
@Mrs.tobe: Yeah, i know we will talk about it more. i think I’m so upset because i thought we had the, yell from the rooftops, tell the world romance. And I feel like he ripped that out of my arms.
I know deep down inside it will be ok, and I know we will be married one day, maybe it won’t be when we originally planned. But if it’s still to him and our love really hasn’t changed, then I’ll be just fine.
Post # 9
@SandAndSea: I’m sorry, I don’t know. All I know is, basically engaged is not engaged. I know you said he was helping to plan and mentioned eloping as well, but if he hasn’t officially asked, he might not be totally ready (whether it be financially or emotionally).He might feel pressured, he might not want to disappoint you. He might have been excited at the idea of a wedding, but the whole reality of marriage might have spooked him.
Just ask him what’s up and if he wants to hold off on the wedding talk for awhile, see what he says.
Post # 10
It’s a big life change, I bet he still wants to marry you but it’s such a big deal at first so maybe he’s just a little uneasy/scared, wants to ease into it more.
I felt this way a bit in the beginning when having to move my wedding date sooner to accommodate a sick parent, I felt like oh my gosh… CANNOT imagine this happening so soon, then a week later I felt like I did about it being a year later, felt totally natural. Now I can’t imagine waiting any longer! Always wanted to marry him but still, that life change, it’s undeniably big! If it’s right you ease up rather quickly!
It’s a life change and totally ok to realize that and realize the seriousness of it, don’t push but know that at least he’s mentioning VEGAS, so he’s not totally against getting married and it’s not something else like that… he’s probably just like wow, it’s really going to happen next year at this time, we need a permit for the beach, this that… simple enough but emotionally it might be frightening, but just give it some time, even a week or two and see how he feels.
If he’s still against it being so soon or like that just sit down and talk it out some more, try to find a middle ground and compromise.
Post # 11
It sounds like the reality of it all happening hit him and maybe he just freaked out. Supporting decisions to look at wedding inspiration and come up with ideas is a lot different than actually finding a location and applying for a permit before a proposal has even been given.
Give him some time to get comfortable with the idea, and hold off on any wedding planning until the proposal comes- for both your sake AND his.
Post # 12
A little updte for you all, He came over today, flowers in hand, and appologized for scaring me. He said he knows a lot of the planning has been his idea but he thinks we should stop planning for a little bit. I got even more scared at first and then he said. i want to marry you, I am ready to marry you, I am not scared to marry you and I’m really excited to marry you, I just want you to be surprised when I do propose. I don’t want you to expect it or see it coming. then he took me to my favorite restaraunt for dinner!
I feel so much better!
Post # 13
@SandAndSea: Hurray! I’m glad that you feel so much better and that he cleared everything up.
Perhaps now you’ll just have to wait it out on the waiting boards. There are nice people over there. 🙂
…I just read over that again and it sounded like I was implying that you shouldn’t be posting anywhere but the waiting boards – that isn’t what I meant at all! Sorry! I just meant that there are quite a few ladies in a similar situation who are on the waiting boards and that you’d be welcome there. Hope that clears things up.