(Closed) Huge Heartbreak…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SandAndSea: Did you ask him what sparked the sudden change?

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

He might be scared; not of marrying you, but some people change when they get married, and he might be afraid of that. I suggest asking him why the change in how he is feeling. Let him know that it is okay if he is scared and that you just want to know.

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

There’s a BIG difference between “I want to marry you someday, here’s a promise ring” and “Let’s start planning our location.” Even if he said he was ready to elope, that might have been a way to take some of the pressure off.

It sounds like it all might be getting a little too real when he wasn’t completely ready to begin with.

I’d hold off on the wedding plans until you are officially engaged. You’d rather have a fiance who is ready to take the next step with a 100% no doubt about it proposal, rather than lock down the perfect beach before it’s right for both of you.

Post # 7
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SandAndSea: Sounds like you just need to talk it out when you both have more time to do so. Let him know what you’re feeling. Sorry you have to think about it until then…

 

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@SandAndSea: I’m sorry, I don’t know. All I know is, basically engaged is not engaged. I know you said he was helping to plan and mentioned eloping as well, but if he hasn’t officially asked, he might not be totally ready (whether it be financially or emotionally).He might feel pressured, he might not want to disappoint you. He might have been excited at the idea of a wedding, but the whole reality of marriage might have spooked him.

Just ask him what’s up and if he wants to hold off on the wedding talk for awhile, see what he says.

Post # 10
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

It’s a big life change, I bet he still wants to marry you but it’s such a big deal at first so maybe he’s just a little uneasy/scared, wants to ease into it more.

I felt this way a bit in the beginning when having to move my wedding date sooner to accommodate a sick parent, I felt like oh my gosh… CANNOT imagine this happening so soon, then a week later I felt like I did about it being a year later, felt totally natural. Now I can’t imagine waiting any longer! Always wanted to marry him but still, that life change, it’s undeniably big! If it’s right you ease up rather quickly!

It’s a life change and totally ok to realize that and realize the seriousness of it, don’t push but know that at least he’s mentioning VEGAS, so he’s not totally against getting married and it’s not something else like that… he’s probably just like wow, it’s really going to happen next year at this time, we need a permit for the beach, this that… simple enough but emotionally it might be frightening, but just give it some time, even a week or two and see how he feels.

If he’s still against it being so soon or like that just sit down and talk it out some more, try to find a middle ground and compromise.

Post # 11
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@SandAndSea:

It sounds like the reality of it all happening hit him and maybe he just freaked out. Supporting decisions to look at wedding inspiration and come up with ideas is a lot different than actually finding a location and applying for a permit  before a proposal has even been given. 

Give him some time to get comfortable with the idea, and hold off on any wedding planning until the proposal comes- for both your sake AND his. 

Post # 13
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@SandAndSea: Hurray! I’m glad that you feel so much better and that he cleared everything up.

Perhaps now you’ll just have to wait it out on the waiting boards. There are nice people over there. 🙂

…I just read over that again and it sounded like I was implying that you shouldn’t be posting anywhere but the waiting boards – that isn’t what I meant at all! Sorry! I just meant that there are quite a few ladies in a similar situation who are on the waiting boards and that you’d be welcome there. Hope that clears things up.

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