(Closed) HUGE mistake and wedding regret. so depressed.

posted 4 years ago in Recaps
Post # 2
Member
4316 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You’re being SUPER hard on yourself… Put this in perspective, did you marry the man you love? Did you get to dance and mingle with people you love? If you say yes to those two questions then you are one lucky girl.

Stop worrying about all the stuff that happened beforehand, that’s all water under the bridge and really it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. The hours before the wedding are always a shitshow regardless whether there was a switch in rooms. We were all late getting to the church ceremony on time for mine, and while I was freaking out on the wedding day, when I look back I realize that those fifteen minutes that we were late really just gave everyone a chance to get there and get settled at the church before we got there. So please stop beating yourself up over it. Not that big of a deal…

Post # 3
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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planningwife311 :  Sweetheart! Sweetheart, sweetheart, stop! I’m not downplaying your feelings right now, I know it FEELS like a catastrophe. But step back and think about this from a distance. Not one of these things is going to matter the tiniest bit in a year. Or 6 months, or next week. That’s how to know if something is a disaster — will it matter in a year? The venue screwed up — twice it sounds like — and put you in a difficult spot. Having hair & makeup at the venue made things inconvenient and a little chaotic, that’s all. The day was different than you envisioned, but that doesn’t mean it was a disaster. I hope with some time, you’ll come to see that your day was beautiful, and maybe you’ll even be able to laugh about it soon.

Post # 4
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

You should stop being so hard on yourself. It’s ok. Mistakes happen. The important part is you’re married to the love of your life!

Also, a part of the story I didn’t get: why did you have to switch rooms if your bridesmaid couldn’t fit? Why couldn’t you just get the bridesmaid a separate room for herself?

Post # 6
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee

If you were to ask EVERY  bride that posts here, you’d find that MOST if not all experienced some DISASTER at or in the time frame of your wedding, and yet a LOT of us are still married and REALLY HAPPY, some of us for a really long time!

Get to work on a list of all of the wonderful beautiful magical moments in that day, then read it as often as necessary, AND BELIEVE IT. Because sure as can be, there were MANY more wonderfuls than awfuls.

BLESSINGS!

Post # 7
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

It doesn’t how much we plan, things go wrong because we can’t predict everything and we can’t control other people’s actions. Things went wrong before the wedding. We’ve all been there. My florist was late to drop the flowers off and therefore made me late to the ceremony. It doesn’t mean I wasted people’s time. Things happen. You didn’t do anything maliciously and situations occurred. Presented with those situations you made a decision based on the available information and it turned out how it did.

I feel you on the hair. I wanted my hair up and it was up for the ceremony before a relative hugged me too hard and my updo fell out. I managed to kind of cobble it together until the end of dinner but then I had to take it down. My hair is naturally straight and had circled slightly to be put in the updo. It had also been sprayed with hair spray so it had some odd angles in there. The wedding photos I can look at  them and think how my hair was a mess and not at all like I pictured. Or I can look at them and see everything else – I can see photos of my mum laughing, I can see photos of my husbands smile, I can see photos of my friends hugging me all while I have messy hair and still loving me anyway. You’re still you in those photos and they just capture the day as it happened. That don’t need to display the real you – just the memories from the day, which one day will include a funny memory of switching rooms.

Post # 8
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

It’s all in your perspective, genuinely my wedding day was the best day of my life bar none so far. I loved it so much…

 

However, our ceremony venue screwed up signage so my bridesmaids couldn’t find the room

My husband forgot to send out the ushers to their places compounding the problem (actually his ushers were a bit unhelpful arriving late and not keen to leave the ceremony room)

The coordinator buggered off halfway through to another wedding which meant our bus was lost

Therefore the bus was late to leave, forgot the bridesmaids, bridesmaids couldn’t direct properly so guests were dropped at ugly back of building instead of in pretty parklands at the front 

Had to arrange last minute taxis for bridal party

The woman who had our dogs for whatever reason dexided not to bring them to the wedding and rather than ‘deal with confrontation’ wouldn’t answer her phone so we couldn’t send someone for them and therefore they weren’t at the wedding although they were supposed to be. (Actually that was really upsetting) 

We didn’t meet our minimum spend and had to buy £1000 of booze to make it up at the end

We had a brilliant day, our guests had a brilliant day, not one person cared about the hiccups. 

The photos make me so happy, they are full of the smiling faces of my most favourite people. 

Our vows were just as hilarious as we hoped they’d be

Our celebrant was amazing

Our guests were right up for a party

Bridesmaids and bridal party were so brilliant

Myself and my now husband were and remain so happy to have had our day. 

 

Focus on the good parts, you’ll laugh at your chins eventually, some of my photos there’s a big gap at the back of the shoulder straps because i lost last minute weight and you can see my brastrap. But sure fuckit you should see the smile on my face in the very same pics. 

 

I bet your guests loved their day and the anxiety will pass and you’ll look back with happiness and humour. 

Post # 9
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

Also i would say the stress was caused by your in law’s unwillingness to get a second room for your bridesmaid so i don’t think you should take that blame on yourself. You were trying to solve a problem which arise unexpectedly, you did awesome in a trying situation. X

Post # 10
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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malgor :  The bit about the dogs would upset me too! I know it’s a bit odd to some people but I’m actually sad we can’t have our puppy at our wedding. He’s part of our family.

Post # 11
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Hey! Well done for managing the situation in a stressful situation. It sounds like you’re blaming yourself for things outside your control. The hotel seem to have messed up your booking and should be accountable for that. Don’t feel bad about your in-laws- they created this problem by not booking an extra room. The bride is not supposed to be put under this kind of stress on her big day and they should have stepped in and taken charge rather than have you all flustered. I bet in retrospect you wish you’d paid for the extra room yourself but it’s hard under pressure.

I also had a wedding ‘disaster’ to do with how I looked and felt on the day. I was too rushed and late to bed all week and as a result I was exhausted beyond belief on my wedding day and I look tired in many of the photos with creases under my eyes. And I didn’t enjoy the day the way I should have as I was plagued with headaches and indigestion, all down to tiredness. I blamed myself for a long time and was upset about it. But now I see we have some wonderful photos- I bet if you had a skilled photographer (as you said) you’ll be surprised how good she can make your wedding look. I promise there will be a few photos you DO love. I suspect you are being too self-critical about your chin. If you have a double chin, you’d have it regardless of your hairstyle and there would still be photos you didn’t love so much. And if you wore your hair up, the illusion back will have loked stunning from the back view so there is always a plus. Many brides have their hair up when it’s not their usual look and guests usually see them as having an exciting new look or looking more ‘finished’ and elegant.

And over time you honestly will start remembering the good moments of the wedding. For me those were walking down the aisle. A year later I remember the emotion of gettting married, the lovely words in the speeches, how much I loved my dress etc. I don’t think so much about feeling tired or ill or not socialising much.

I hope when you get your photos, you’ll be able to post some here. The bee can sometimes be a great confidence booster because we see what you don’t! I’ve read posts on here of brides wanting to photoshop themselves because they looked fat when they looked beautiful!

Congratulations- and you have your whole life for intimate time. Take a weekend away soon!

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