(Closed) HUGE Wedding Decision…. WOAH!!!!

posted 5 years ago in Venue
Post # 61
Member
7412 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

The whole concept is very selfish and doesn’t really think about treating the guests nicely. “I told them, so they should show up already having had dinner” doesn’t really cut it. As a hostess, you should be welcoming these people and treating them with respect and generosity, not expecting them to bend to your every whim.

I’ll be honest— if I were told there was no meal provided for a 7pm wedding, I’d have dinner on the way, but I’d also feel like the hosts seriously cheaper out on things and were being very self-centered, especially if there’s a 90-minute ceremony (hopefully chairs are not too expensive to provide to the guests). 

Post # 62
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

I grew up just outside of Orlando and I would like to know where you found a beach that was only 20 minutes away…..unless it’s one of the manmade beaches at Disney World, there isn’t a beach anywhere near 20 minutes away.

Post # 63
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

PossumGirl:  Hi Girl

 

So sorry you are getting a lot of NASTY comments.

But remember, the majority of ppl commeniting are paying BIG BUCKS to feed their guests dinners, carefuly choosen menues etc. Do you really reckon they are going to tell you to go ahead and get away with less???

Dont listen to all that hype. As long as it is CLEARLY indicated in the invitation what is included, it is up to individual guest to decide whether it is worth travelling or not. Dont less people tell you what you MUST do. It is up to you and your guests.

If I was invited to a wedding of people who matter to me, I would def NOT go by whether a dinner is included etc, I would be theer for THEM.

With your ceremony being so late it is totally fine – it is like hitting the bar/pub for a night out with friends – my cousin did exactly that  – they all went out to a pub after the ceremony and everyone actually paid for themselves and yes everyone invited was there becase they cared for the couple and knew the plans in advance.

I think your plan sounds lovely. Cheer up!

 

Post # 64
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

PossumGirl:  I agree with what a lot of the others are saying … if you expect guests to pay for a room then you should provide some food. Gift bags are nice but not a necessity like food is. With any type of travel you have to also keep in mind that not everyone can make it because of costs or scheduling conflicts. Another idea is to push the wedding date to give you more time to save. I pushed my wedding out an extra year (could have been less but we wanted a specific date) since we have a lot of financial responsibility already upon us. 

Post # 65
Member
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

PossumGirl:  I’m sorry that you received some rude replies.  Glad that you will be offering some food at the Tiki bar.  My concern was that people would either drive drunk or not want to come due to your wedding being a adult-only destination reception.  You know your friends and relatives best, so if they are okay with what you have planned, then go ahead with the plans.  

Post # 66
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

PossumGirl:  As to point number 4, what guest is going to tell you that your idea is terrible? You’re the bride – your friends/family are not going to tell you you’re being rude. That’s why you asked a bunch of strangers, so you should believe us.

Post # 67
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

AnnaVictoria:  How exactly would you word what’s included on the invitation? I’m genuinely curious. For instance my invitation said “champagne brunch immediately following.” 

Post # 68
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with being frugal when possible, but if you’re not going to do a dinner, I would recommend at minimum heavy appetizers, though even better would be a very casual, inexpensive dinner. As others have said, a wedding starting at 7 means that people would have to eat in late afternoon to have time to prepare, travel, and then celebrate with you. 

At work we had these dinner events (starting at 6:30pm btw) that were recently changed to “heavy appetizer” events. We were not happy with the change, and participation in these events dropped significantly FWIW. 

Post # 69
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

Instead of getting defensive, you might consider that people are trying to stop you from seriously embarrassing yourself. Which you will, if you go forward with this idea. It’s ungracious.

Post # 70
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

AnnaVictoria:  Right, because it’s not that all of the people commenting genuinely think this is a bad idea, it’s that they are secretly jealous that OP has somehow magically cracked the ‘cheap, awesome’ wedding code that we were all just too blind to see before now. /s

Look, pretty much everyone has told her that it doesn’t matter if she hosts an expensive sit down dinner. What matters is being considerate of her guests. It’s about priorities, and making sure people don’t go hungry should be right at the top. 

If you can’t afford a big ‘traditional’ wedding, then you still have a lot of options. People have already suggested a few:

1) Reschedule the wedding so it doesn’t cross over a meal time. Eg. Start the wedding at 8:30pm so everyone has time to eat beforehand.

2) Order in cheap but tasty catering like pizza, food trucks, BBQ or tacos. Shop around and you should be able to feed people for less than $10 a head.

3) Cut the guest list to what you can afford to feed. 

4) Have a wedding in a different local location that is cheaper for everyone, and then put the money saved into food/drink (because nobody is buying the idea that guests are actually going to want to pay for hotel rooms for an event that is a 20 minute drive away from their homes). A park followed by an affordable local restaurant is always a good option, especially if you can negotiate free or cheap corkage.

The other option is do what she is already planning, then be disappointed when most of her guests either disappear early to get food, or silently side-eye her for expecting them to go hungry. But hey, each to their own. Personally I’d rather sacrifice non-essentials like welcome bags, ‘surprises’ or pretty decor for essentials like avoiding hungry, pissed-off guests on my wedding evening. If you have the money for frills and resorts, you have the money to feed people a proper meal.

Post # 71
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

oneofthesethings:  You would be surprised how many people do this  – not everyone is into the idea of a grand reception ( the invention of 20th century!).

My cousins worded it as ‘ After the ceremony we are going out  to  ‘xxx’ please join us for a party, snacks provided’.

 

Post # 72
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

I hope you don’t take offense to this response but I must say that I personally believe this is a bad idea and one that may leave you disappointed. 

First of all, as a late dinner eater, 8:30PM sounds like prime time for a meal and, unfortunately, appetizers rarely fill me. For example, my company decided to serve canapes and cocktails for its summer party this year instead of a traditional sit down meal; no one was happy. The fact of the matter is, even though we knew that the food served would be limited to finger food, we all underestimated just how much food would be required to fill us.

All anyone was talking about during the event was how hungry they were and how much they wanted to leave to get real food.

Not only that, but we had an open wine and beer bar, which meant that everyone who was drinking was getting piss drunk because there wasn’t enough food to balance it out and no one felt like they should have to pay for food at the party. As a result, most people left pretty quickly and in worse moods than they started with.

What I’m trying to say is that even if people don’t complain to your face, you should anticipate discontentment amongst your guests and early departures.

Another thing is that it sounds like you don’t intend to cover all of the alcohol for the evening – and that’s fine.

However, if I wasn’t getting fed a full meal AND I was expected to pay for the majority of my drinks, then I’d really resent the welcome bags and cutesy gifts. Truthfully, I’d probably be thinking to myself that the host and hostess were a bit daft for spending money on that instead of food and beverages. I truly think you’ll find most of your guests will have left before the late night food even arrives.

Finally, the idea of having everyone together at the resort is nice but resorts are expensive. If I’m not getting fed and I’m paying for my own drinks, then, truthfully, I’m probably not going to shell out to stay at the resort. I’ll be at the Marriott down the road – especially if I’m coming in from out of town (cost of flights, gas, whatever + food + drink = expensive!). I’m even less likely to stay if I’m local.

I know it’s hard to receive criticism regarding your wedding plans but please give this more thought. If you disregard the snarky comments, you’ll realize that the bees here have almost unanimously given you the thumbs down on this plan.

Post # 73
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Penang1885:  No, not jealous ( although some are really getting nasty, so maybe those are?) but having a different idea of what ‘wedding’ is about. For most people wedding=food.

Obviously THEY choose what THEY think is right, so what is the chance of them giving a different advice to what they are planning themselves??

 

OF COURSE the guests will be grumpy and leave. RRRight.

Well, my cousins guests were not grumpy and did not leave. They knew in advance what was planned and were happy to attend regardless. Great time was had by all. ( Yeah, yeah, they were secretly grumpy, we ALL know, what they really wanted was dinner of 4 courses, not to hang out with cousins. RRRight) :o)

 

 

Post # 74
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

Horseradish:  I think you can fit two outfits into that suitcase LOL, you just seem kinda crabby about it.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Tincangirl.
Post # 75
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

There are a lot of food options you could do on teh cheap side to accomodate your guests with more of a meal, taco stations, pizza, BBQ, pasta, pig roast, really anything buffet style or maybe even a food truck?  I agree with feeding your guests more than apps but there are definitely low cost alternatives which are more casual and would totally work with your vision.

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