Post # 47
@trippy1: Sounds like you guys have way more problems than the bachelor party. Heck no, he does not respect you. From what I read, I would say he’s an immature 19 year old boy, and his friends are assholes. Not acceptable in the least, but I am willing to bet this was not his first “stunt.” You can’t marry someone hoping they will change. It won’t happen. Sorry you’re going through this.
Post # 48
I voted “anger is justifiable”, but….only you are in a position to know what the next step is. Only you know your husband’s faults and redeeming qualities and know if you can make things better. Good luck, you deserve to be happy and respected.
Post # 49
I don’t have much else to add except offer you my support and echo that he way crossed the line. I’m so sorry you are going through this and think you are totally justified in being upset. He lied to you, disrespected you, and ruined your wedding day.
Post # 51
I think you hit the nail on the head when you say I am not important to him. I never felt like I was. But then women who demand attention or tell their husbands what to do are considered domineering, controling, ball busting dragon ladies.
I think the above quite is more indicative of the relationship than anything. You should be the number one thing in his life. If this was a man who truly loved you, he would put your priorities above his own. You don’t have to be a domineering or controlling woman to have a husband who respects you, honors you, makes you a priority, or shows you that you are important to him.
Have a heart to heart with you mom as well. I suspect they have a better understanding of the situation that you give them credit for. They too love you and although it might be hard, they too will put aside their own views on annulments if it in your best interest.
Don’t approach them with the annulment right away. Just let them know the situation and give them the opportunity to comfort you and be your parents.
I am incredibly sorry you are going though this. A big hug from me! Do you have a best friend you can talk to? You need a lot of support right now. No matter how you go forward in this situation, you will need to be strong. This situation sucks. It will be so hard whether you choose to go to counselling or choose to have the wedding annulled. It will be rough. So stay strong, know that even on the internet people are here to support and encourage you.
Post # 52
I think your anger is justified but I also think that it’s not fair to you to let this drag on. If you decide to forgive him and move on you have to actually move on and not bring it up every time you fight. If you don’t feel like there is a chance that you could ever let this go, I would cut and run!
Post # 53
OP, I didn’t want to bring up the annulment but I think it’s an option you definitely need to consider. I would be extremely pissed if that happened to me. But what worries me the most, is from the way you describe it, he has a history of being like this, unrespectful. You should be in your honeymoon phase a month after your wedding, not fighting everyday (and him, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that he acted like an a**hole and refusing to apologize).
I’m so, so sorry you are going through this, but please do not refuse to consider divorce just because you once said you would *never* divorce. Nobody marries thinking they want to divorce. But respect and trust are the deepest foundations of any relationship – clearly there isn’t in your current relationship, and unless he volontarily accepts to seek counseling, he’s not going to change, and you’ll just endure this for years.
*Hugs* good luck and seek comfort to your family and friends whose opinion you can trust. You need to have people around you and support you through this.
Post # 54
He’s a disrespectful jerk. When I first read this post, I thought he was 18 or 19 and maybe he would grow up. Your mother doesn’t have to live with him or raise children with him, cut your losses.
Post # 55
the truth no one else wants to tell you is you knew who he was before you married him. you chose to ignore it. you reap what you sow.
you ignored the truth then and now there is no use in ignoring the truth now.
i will take the hit for this… i know i will get judged for not joining the crowd in licking your wounds but it is what it is. you need to make a decision about your future because this won‘t be the last time that he ignores your needs.
Post # 56
Clearly your family saw red flags where you refused to.
When people show you who are the the first time believe them.
This your life not your moms.
I dont see how this can get better, when there has been a pattern of disrespect so this simply more of the same. I certainly wouldnt continue this “marriage” unless you want more of the same.
Post # 57
The problems seem to be, in order of severity:
- He acts like he wants no part of this marriage and claims it was “your idea.
- He refuses to show any remorse or apologize for the pain he has caused you and take any steps to make it right.
- He broke a promise to you and was unfaithful to you. (It doesn’t matter if some women don’t think strippers ‘count’ as cheating- you obviously do.)
- He went to your wedding hung over and skipped the majority of your WEDDING RECEPTION.
Honestly, the rest of this could be worked through, if not for #1 and #2. It sounds like not only does this man not really desire to be married to you, he also has no interest in your emotional well-being and no regard for your feelings.
It is impossible to make a marriage work with an unwilling partner. I’m not entirely sure why you married this man to begin with, but since you did, I would highly suggest some intensive marriage counseling.
Because right now, this man cannot really call himself a ‘husband.’ From a Christian perspective (you mentioned you are Catholic?), he is literally fulfilling zero of his marital duties to you, his wife.
Post # 58
Once we got down to the last few weeks I just didn’t bring it up any more. We talked about it but with all the plans I was involved in I just figured they could handle it. Then I thought OK well htye aren’t going to have one. Neither am I it looks like. all of my close friends are pregnant except the one whose baby is 6 months old. I was the only one in the wedding party who wasn’t pregnant or lactating. So I figured he just wasn’t going to have one like me. I would have loved one sans strippers.
I married him because I didn’t know what else to do with 12 hours to the wedding and I was so tired I had to get some sleep. Then The next morning I just couldn’t make the decision with all the stress and pressure. By the time he left the reception I knew something was really wrong in my short marriage.
Post # 59
What a nightmare. I know it’s hard, but I would look into the annulment ASAP. He doesn’t deserve you.
Post # 60
It seems obvious that he doesn’t respect you. I am sorry for that. I think, no matter how hard it is, that you should look into annulment or divorce.
Post # 61
Nope, everything you said is true. Not a good situation at all.