(Closed) Hungover for the wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Trippy1 has the right to be angry or is over reacting

    anger is justified

    Waaaaay over reacting

  • Post # 63
    Member
    1998 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  Your poor thing, you’re married to a colossal idiot! 

    I’m not going to repeat what the other ladies before me have written, only this. I find it veeeery suspicious he had no problem promising you that he would have no strippers at his bachelor party and that it would not be the night before the wedding. It’s almost like he KNEW that’s exactly what he would be doing but intentionally deceived you until it was too late for you to do anything about it. That’s despicable.

    And what he said about marriage being “your idea”… I have no words. For that alone I would throw him out and would not even bother opening the door first!  What a prick.

    I agree with the Bee who suggested you go talk to your priest. The man who married you is probably the best person to help you right now as I feel that he too was, in a way, deceived. He can probably help you with your questions about annulment too. 

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Internet *hugs*!

     

    Post # 64
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    Oh my… I’m incredibly speechless on this one. All I have to say is triple up on birth control while you figure out what you need to do!

    Post # 66
    Member
    2909 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think the first thing you should do is see a therapist, yourself. As soon as possible. You need a professional to help you sort through how this happened and help you figure out what you want to do about it now. Once you’ve done that — once you know whether you want to try to work through this with him, or if you don’t think that’s possible and you’re just done and want to file for divorce — you can either take legal steps or ask him if he is willing to attend couples’ therapy. I urge you to act immediately; start calling therapists tomorrow.

    Post # 67
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  I definitely understand that. This whole ordeal is going to hurt, regardless of the path you choose. If you stay, he will continue to hurt and disappoint you. If you leave, it’s going to be tough. *But* you WILL come out stronger and happier, I have no doubt. Stand up for yourself girlie, you deserve better. ((Hugs)) 

    Post # 68
    Member
    488 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    What part of the blame are you talking about?? You don’t sound over controlling or anything like that. He deceived you and is just being AWFUL. This is not your fault. He sprung this on you the night before the wedding, no one would expect a bride to suddenly call it off the day of. Just try to breathe, and talk to your priest. But really I think you should leave him in the end and find someone that cares about you

    Post # 69
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    Wow your husband sounds awful, I am so sorry- you deserve better.

    Post # 70
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    He sound like a grade A ****head.

    It’s not the strippers, although it is REALLY bad that he promised you he wouldn’t and then did it anyway.

    It’s the fact that he broke promises, lied, and then basically gave you an ultimatum when it was too late. That is some serious dishonesty. If he had sneakily had this party on the sly, and hadn’t promised you that he wouldn’t, it wouldn’t be nearly as bad.

    Add to this the fact that he was hungover on your wedding day. That is so rude and disrespectful to your guests!

    AND THEN he says “it wasn’t my idea to get married”? What a cock. I say **** him. He apologises and changes his ways or else things will get worse for him. A lot worse.

    Post # 72
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    You knew everything that happened, and still you went through with the wedding. You can expect him to act this way again and again in your relationship now, because he knows he can get away with it.

    Post # 74
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this but at this point you have a big decision to make and it’s going to be hard and painful either way you go.  The question is, is the pain worth the outcome, ie. will intense counselling actually solve the problem and get your marriage on-track?  From what you describe, I would be very (very) surprised if he was even willing to go to counselling and actually TRY to rebuild trust and respect.  He has verbally and with behaviour has flipped you the bird with a big “fuck you, baby!” and that’s the part that I wouldn’t be able to get past without a LOT of effort on his part and a serious commitment to counselling from both of us.

    It would be one thing (bad enough) if he went out the night before, got hammered, had a lap dance against your beliefs, showed up hung over and left the reception…..and then spent the next (however long it took) apologizing profusely to you, your family, his family etc and doing whatever it took to rebuild your trust and respect.  THAT would be bad enough.  But he’s not even trying, he’s blaming YOU.  Trust me when I say this: this man doesn’t respect you, doesn’t respect your relationship and isn’t worthy of your time or efforts unless he is willing to change at a very fundamental level.

    And the most telling thing is this: 

    View original reply
    This Time Round is an eloquent, wise, mature and balanced woman.  She gives advice graciously and with empathy and wisdom.  She is a class act.  When she calls someone (namely, your husband) an ASSHAT and a DOUCHE CANOE in the same post….well, that’s sayin’ something.  I’ll admit I chuckled a bit at that….but it’s not at all funny, to be sure.

    Post # 75
    Member
    1744 posts
    Bumble bee

    If this is how he treats his mom, and now you’re seeing that he’s treating you in the same way (sounds like it’s been going on for awhile, but you’re just now opening your eyes to seeing it), I don’t believe it’s likely to change. 

    Of course, if you are BOTH admit there are problems and want to try to save the relationship counselling is worth a try.  But, it sounds like he’s not convinced there are problems, other than those he believes are your fault. 

    Anything is possible, but it doesn’t sound like he has any desire to change.  The ball is entirely in your court to decide if you are willing to tolerate this for the rest of your life.  If you are not, I would encourage you to leave before you bring any children into this and complicate the issue further.  Would you want any children of yours to use him as an example and feel they could treat you in the way he treats his mother? 

    Post # 76
    Member
    2176 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I won’t touch the stripper/drunk think since personally it isn’t an issue for me (not to say that my DH is a regular but I know that this is something that LOTS of guys do a bachelor parties and I much rather he be honest than lie about it which is what I see so many other guys do when they are “forbidden”)

    being so out of control on the night before the wedding, being a jerk about it, disrespecting your family, making you look like a fool, turning it around so you are the one who is “wrong”, suggesting that he doesn’t want to get married etc – these are HUGE issues and really not something that I could forgive/forget so easily…. if there was some serious remorse/appologizing and everything else was great in the relationship and he just let a night out with the boys get the best of him that is one thing but this is something bigger

    The topic ‘Hungover for the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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