(Closed) Hungover for the wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Trippy1 has the right to be angry or is over reacting

    anger is justified

    Waaaaay over reacting

  • Post # 77
    Member
    5870 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Yikes.  One fo the most concerning aspects of this all to me is how he and his buddies decided to rub it in your face all day.  Why would his buddy be teasing him about what happened DURING your wedding?  That is unheard of.

    It’s common to disagree about strippers (in my case, we disagreed but I eventually dropped it).  It is not common for him to willfully and intentionally decieve you and be a total a-hole about it.  

    Counceling, at the very least.  

    Post # 80
    Member
    2294 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t think there is anything I can say that others haven’t.  I’m really sorry this is happening for you OP.  I can’t imagine what my family and friends would think (not to mention his family and friends!) if my husband had been passed out hungover for most of the reception.  That’s disrespectful to everyone at the wedding.  

    If you think your husband would be willing, I would go to some counseling before you decide to leave him.  If he really cared about you and your marriage, he will go and listen to you.  And then you can listen to him, and perhaps a reason why he did this will come to light.  You can’t fix the problem if only one of you knows what it is.  If counseling doesn’t work, or if he refuses, then walk away.  You can’t say you didn’t try. 

    Post # 81
    Member
    1831 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @trippy1:  I am ok with strippers, but that is the least of the issues here. I think what is more important is tht he did something despite knowing that it hurt your feelings and pretty much ruined your wedding day without remorse. Sounds like a D-bag to me.

    Post # 84
    Member
    1146 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  there are more options out there than being unimportant to a man vs being a domineering ball buster. The key is choosing a man who is respectful of his woman from the beginning, no ball busting required.

    the way he behaved was atrocious to the point where the details don’t even matter — his behavior made it unquestionably known how little he cares about how you feel. On top of that, he was incredibly disrespectful to you family and all of your guests, he cared so little about the wedding he skipped out on it hungover, AND he allowed his friends to make jokes that hurt you right there at the alter? This whole situation just blows my mind!

    I think the only way this could possibly be forgiveable is if it was a major fluke, maybe drug induced or something. But, the fact that he has a history of broken promises? So this is actually his character just shining through? Life only gets harder and the stakes get higher as time goes on…partnering with someone like this is a massive risk and (I believe) setting yourself up for serious heartbreak and a lot of miss opportunities to share the good things in life with a good, supportive partner. Why choose that?

    Without a doubt, I would get an annulment and use him as a lesson in what to AVOID when dating in the future.

    Post # 86
    Member
    1119 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wow what a dick. If my fi did this to me I would’ve called the wedding off right then when he was leaving for his bachelor party. That is so beyond disrespectful that he lied to you and broke a promise he never intended to keep. He’s a disrespectful asshole and the whole part about letting the stripper grind on his erection and rub her tits in his face?? I can’t even deal with that I would blow the fuck up. He sounds too immature and disrespectful to be a good husband to you. I would seriously consider getting your marriage annulled if you can. 

    Post # 88
    Member
    1744 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  Interesting wording about “allowing” him to have his friends at “your” (not “our”) house.  Perhaps there is more controlling behaviour on your part than you’re aware of? I do think his behavior was awful, and I probably wouldn’t stay in the relationship –  but … do examine how  some of your ‘requests’ come across to him.

    Are you ready to face a possible  ‘showdown’ over not allowing his friends in your house?  If you lay down the law and keep his friends away (and I probably would- for now – since they contributed to the issue at hand) you have to be ready for him to potentially say, “My friends – you cannot control me /them, my house too.  If you can’t deal with it – I’m gone.”    I’m not saying that it would necessarily escalate to that, but don’t draw a line in the sand if you’re not willing to deal with the fallout. 

    Post # 89
    Member
    1860 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  “She saw a vidoe of her husbands tripper and that stripper took his d!ck out and  wrote on his erection “sucked off” and she busted a gut laughing.”

    Are you KIDDING ME??!?  Holy crap, no way would I be ok with any woman (other than a medical professional) touching my DH like that. That just make my skin crawl.

    I absolutely agree with the other PP’s about the annullment..  So sorry you’re going through this.. but you will be SO much better off without him!!

    Post # 90
    Member
    1146 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  He doesn’t care if he is forgiven or not forgiven he just wants me to quit bitching about it.

    Are you kidding me? This is your HUSBAND you are talking about?

    Conducting himself in a way that would not hurt you is not you controlling him! That’s called being a quality man who loves and respects his woman. Telling someone how you feel is not telling them what to do. In a relationship, you are honest with eachother about how you feel about things, and if you are compatible, no one feels controlled or that they are being told what to do.

    This is not about me, but as an example, when dating I sought out men who had the same view as I did on respectful conduct when in a relationship, marriage/commitment, keeping promises, etc. When I met my now husband, I was open about my feelings on those things, and so was he. We were a match in those (important) departments, so I chose to move forward with him and eventually marry him. So, i never had to order him around or tell him what to do at all, and he has never done anything that hurt me or made me feel disrespected or broken promises to me.

    The fact the he does not even care that his wife forgives him for hurting her, but just wants her to shut up about the situation speaks major volumes. Not only are you guys not compatible in terms of what’s acceptable behavior in a relationship (the stripper stuff), he does not respect you (the hungover/allowing friends to joke/skipping the wedding stuff), and he can’t be relied upon to keep promises.

    I think that maybe since he’s your first it’s hard to see that different/better exists, but it does and you are worthy of it. Cut your losses with this asshole.

    The topic ‘Hungover for the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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