(Closed) Hungover for the wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Trippy1 has the right to be angry or is over reacting

    anger is justified

    Waaaaay over reacting

  • Post # 122
    Member
    594 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  I sure do hope that he loves you, because after all, he did marry you. And this is not meant to sound harsh, but to me, love and respect are synonomous. Not to say that he doesn’t love you at all, I’m sure there is part of him that does, but it certainly sounds like he loves himself a heck of a lot more. Put the shoe on the other foot, would you have gone to a bachelorette party with men rubbing their parts in your face the day before you said your vows if your Fiance told you how upset it would make you? I’m guessing your have more love and respect for him than to put your superficial desires over his hard-set values.

    Post # 123
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I didn’t read any other comments… He did agree to what you said to shut you up. He knew once it was so close to the wedding that you wouldn’t call it off.

    Not only did he lie to you, break his promises to you and his own mother, he humiliated and embarassed you on the day of the wedding. That is an unacceptable conversation for the groomsman to have in front of the bride on the freaking wedding day of all days. As a pathetic way to excuse his childish and irrational behavior, he states that it is you, not him who wishes to get married. 

    If you check out my previous posts, I am not one to be very quick to tell women to end relationships. I would be looking into getting an annulment or divorce ASAP if I were in that situation. He does not have any respect for you or your relationship. He could have discussed and worked out the bachelor party. It could have easily been scheduled way before the night prior to the wedding. He could also have hid the truth about the party just as he did in the first place. No, he had to tell you to your face what happened, which I find disgusting, especially the day of the wedding.

    Quite frankly, I would have stood him up at the altar. Unlike others, I do not care about appearances, money, etc, more than I do my own dignity. I would have had him looking like the fool that he is, as he is not husband material in my opinion.

    I am so sorry this guy put you through something like this. He turned what should have been a beautiful day into a nightmare. If you decide to stay with him, you will have to accept and expect more of the same disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior from him. Perhaps he will show up to the hospital drunk when you are in labor. You have to figure out what you want to do, and what you are willing to accept. There is a woman on another thread who is complaining that her husband is somewhat lazy and unfocused. He won’t help her clean the house and he hates his job. Yeah, her problems are WAY easier to work through, forgive, and move on from. This is seriously about the core of marriage and what is important to both of you. There is a reason so many bees have replied to this.

    You deserved to have an amazing wedding day, and to have an amazing man. If you decide to get marital counseling (assuming that he will even agree) I would suggest that you get some counseling on your own. That kind of behavior is a breeding ground for insecurities. Whatever you decide, I wish you the absolute best!

    Post # 124
    Member
    488 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    There is no love without respect. Can not happen. He might find you sexy and fun to be around, but if he does not respect you, he does not love you and does not deserve to be your husband.

    Post # 125
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I am okay with strip clubs and what not, but what kills me in this situation is that he chose to get hammered the night before your wedding, was hungover and MISSED a huge part of your day! I would be absolutely livid. You dreamed and planned about this special day and he wasn’t even THERE. I am pissed for you. This was ONE day to celebrate your love and focus on each other and he couldn’t freakin’ keep it together for 24 hours. That in and of itself reeks of his inability to put your and your relationship before his own needs. 

    There is nothing wrong with walking away from something when it is bad for you. You deserve someone who is so friggen excited to marry you that they’re present that whole day.

    I also don’t want to make light of your issue with the strippers – you made it perfectly clear how you felt and he needs to respect that as part of being your partner. 

    Post # 126
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  I read the post to my Fiance and he is horrified. That says a lot because he is a very indpendant man and HATES to feel any type of “control” from me. He said this is just crossing a line and grounds for divorce. 

    Post # 127
    Member
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I am so very sorry this has happened to you. I am so sorry he broke his promises to you and apparently has no respect for your feelings. I am NOT going to tell you to leave him or get an annulment. But I would.

    Post # 128
    Member
    13614 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    At this point, I’d get the marriage annulled and not look back. I wouldn’t even stick around for counseling and I never say that short of abuse.  Come to think of it, this IS abuse, emotional abuse. He doesn’t sound capable of self awareness or reflection and I wouldn’t stick around on the off chance that he has a personality transplant.

    PS My husband said it a lot more plainly than I did. 

    Post # 129
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee

    In my opinion, I think this was majorly wrong of him to do. You have every right to be angry with him especially since he feels no remorse for it, and is trying to turn things around on you by saying he never wanted to get married in the first place. That’s kind of a low blow. I’d have an honest discussion with him. Tell him exactly what you wrote here. That it upsets you not only that he broke promises to you, but that he doesn’t care that he did. I would also tell him that this could be a deal breaker for you if you guys can’t work this out.

    That being said, unless after you talk to him he basically tells you he doesn’t want to be in the marriage, I wouldn’t hastily get divorced a month into your marriage. I would try to just forgive but not forget in this instance. Forgive him for what he’s done, but for the time being don’t forget it. Give him a chance to work on himself and the relationship with you. If in the end things aren’t changing THEN I would consider divorce.

    Post # 130
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @trippy1:  Your husband has very little character or maturity. You can’t trust him and he doesn’t feel the need to keep his word or respect you. These are not small issues. Yes, you have very right to be angry and upset but the larger question is if this is a person you can live a happy, peaceful life with.

    Post # 131
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  I read this to my Fiance, and he said, “Is it kosher on weddingbee to tell someone to get an anullment?” He says guys who act like that shouldn’t be married, that guys who are still wrapped up in the selfish stage of their lives have no business being in a serious, legally binding partnership like marriage. 

    Post # 132
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @aggie2010:  yes x1,000,000

    Post # 133
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @trippy1:  I read my husband your original post, too, and he said your husband is an asshole.  And keep in mind, we’re pretty liberal people, in the sense that a lap dance probably wouldn’t phase me at all.  For us, it’s not about the behaviour specifically, it’s more about the fact that he doesn’t care enough to respect your boundaries, nor respect you or the relationship enough to be sober/present/engaged on your wedding day of all days.  Total disrespect and an emotional slap in the face, that’s what my husband said.  So no, you’re not over-reacting and no, it’s not just a “woman” thing.

    Post # 134
    Member
    859 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I don’t know if anyone said this but Im catholic and would imagine that you have grounds for annulment. He lied to you and you found out after the wedding. When you are under the pretense of one thing at the wedding and it turns out to not be true, it usually is grounds for an annulment. in the eyes of the church, that means you were never married and would be free to marry in the future. I would talk to  a priest and/or a catholic counselor about it. 

    I would be LIVID. No way in hell my Fiance would do anything like that ever. and even more no way if he had promised me not to. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this 🙁 

    Post # 135
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @trippy1:  yeah. There are HUGE issues here. I’m guessing that lack if respect and flat out lying about his plans (when he immediately agreed- I assume he planned to just do whatever the he felt like no matter what you said) wasn’t out if the blue. He must have exhibited these behaviors beforehand. I personally can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone like that, much less marrying him. 

    The topic ‘Hungover for the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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