(Closed) Hurricanes, Sweet 16s, Divorces, and Weddings, oh my! (Long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Bee
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

It’s really not appropriate to ask your father to help pay for your wedding. Plan the wedding that you can afford and if he offers something while you are planning you can graciously accept and add it to your budget.

Post # 4
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@Mrs. Coyote:  I agree.  Your dad has so many stressors on him right now and for you to have a talk with him on spending his money on your wedding will add more stress to him.  Given that last year, he paid for your sister’s Sweet 16, during a time which is very different from now, he most likely would have been able to help you with your wedding.  People’s financial situations change in the blink of an eye.  I would just plan the wedding you can afford, and let your dad deal with his issues.

Post # 6
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jwdesiree:  Just a few days ago was the first time I ever had anyone assume my parents were paying for everything.  I was telling some people about Fiance thinking the cost of X was outrageous and someone told me “Why should he care how much anything costs, isn’t that between you and your parents because they are paying for it?  The brides’ parents pay don’t they?”  I was just a little shocked someone still thought this was how everyone does things because personally I find it completely outdated.  I’m not exactly something to be pawned off from my father to my husband.

Now my parents are paying for a sizeable chunk of the wedding but I am paying at least $5000 (if not more) of my own money for my photographer, flowers, and other miscellaneous stuff (I think I can manage to buy my own shoes thank you).  And by I, I mean me and my fiance. 

Unfortunately financial situations change….and I just find that line of thinking a little outdated.  I think it’s understandable to be somewhat disappointed because they paid thousands for a birthday party but can’t help you.  But it is what it is, so all I would say is that if he wants to donate anything or pay for a certain thing you would appreciate it but I wouldn’t bring up your sister’s 16th bday party.

Post # 8
Bee
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

@jwdesiree:  I can completely understand why you are upset, but I have to agree that it is an outdated notion. I also think it’s difficult to compare something like a wedding to a sweet 16, as a 16 year old is still under their parents’ care while a woman getting married is (hopefully) on her own and established in her own career, home, etc.

Post # 9
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It may be tempting to compare his previous event payments, but a sweet 16 party is for a teenager who is presumably still pursuing her education.  A wedding is for two consenting adults, most of whom have their own jobs, bank accounts, savings, and ability to support themselves.  While you might not have meant it, the OP comes off as sounding entitled.  Add to that, if people are already asking you if he’s paying, you can be sure that people are asking him the same thing, and he probably feels like crap to not be able to help.  Stay mum and don’t make him feel worse.

The topic ‘Hurricanes, Sweet 16s, Divorces, and Weddings, oh my! (Long)’ is closed to new replies.

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