Post # 1
Ok so here goes the long vent. I was going through the phone bill online trying to find a way to lower my bill and came across a number on my fiance’s phone log. The number was on there multiple times so I called him and he said he would check his phone and played dumb. So the person I am brought it up again and he went on to tell me it was a old friend. Right then and there I knew exactly who it was. He had just recently joined facebook and an old girlfriend on facebook sent him a friend request so I knew it was her. This girl was basically his first love in high school who pretty much broke his heart beyond repair and they hadn’t spoken in nearly 10 years. So this girl sent him her number because she wanted to apologize to him for treating him bad in high school. I understand the feeling and the heartbreak because I had the same type of heartbreak in highschool so I know how she made him feel but talking to her behind my back was hurtful and decieving. He seems to think what he did was not that big of a deal because he told her about me like he was bragging and because he decided on his own to stop talking to her because it wasn’t worth causing problems in our family. I confronted the girl and all she could tell me was how much he loved and talked so could about me and congratulated me and I couldnt help but feel she was being very fake. So now I’m in panick mode considering our wedding date is August plus it’s not something I can easily decide because we have been together for 6 years and we have two kids together and I can’t seem to make sense of what he was thinking. I understand cold feet but how can a rational person hurt the best thing in their life for the person who already broke their heart. I know there really isn’t an answer to my question but am I crazy to fight for my family even though he has broken my trust I just can’t see throwing my family away and I refuse to give up.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry!
It seems like he fessed up and you adressed the woman.
At the end of the day you have to trust him. I recommend some more chats on the matter as well as some counseling? I don’t know if 6 years and 2 children should make something come to and end on a whim!
Post # 4
I feel so terrible for you, I can’t imagine being in your shoes. I guess from an outsiders perspective i would say that trust is the most important thing in a relationship so I would definately talk to him so he can understand why what he did was wrong and why it broke your trust. That being said, Men arn’t so smart, its possible to him it really was just harmless. Im sure considering their past he was just curious about what she had to say. Not to mention if he had some new to brag about (YOU!) he probably wanted to take that chance!
I really hope everything works out for you, it sounds like you have a beautifui family. People make mistakes, if you can forgive him and you both are able to learn and move past this then that is what matters :).
Best of lucK!
Post # 5
It is possible that there is nothing going on. If you have talked to them both about it. I would give it a few days to think about things.
Post # 6
I’m sorry that you are in a panic. I would take a moment to think about everything you just told us. You have been together for 6 years, you have two children together. They dated in HS. Who we are in HS is a far stretch from who we are years later. Maybe he was wrong for talking to her behind your back. But I think maybe he was just looking for closure? Is it possible that he wanted an apology? If she knows about you, and the life you two have-chances are he was bragging about his life now. Isn’t the old saying that the best way to get back at someone is to live your life well? It sounds like he is doing just that. If she broke his heart he carried on his life, found you. You have a family together and are getting married in a few months. We all have our baggage and scars. Maybe he has always felt less than because she threw him away. Maybe it feels good to talk to her and stick it to her that he has a great life now. He might like that shes persuing him now. I’m just saying these things because it is probably how I would feel if I were him. We are not high schoolers anymore- but sometimes old feelings die hard and it’s nice to watch the other person grovel and feel bad.
That being said, I would just talk with him about how it makes you feel that he talk to her. I wouldn’t convey anger at the fact he went behind your back. What’s done is done and we can only move forward. But if it were me, I know I wouldn’t want them talking either. This isn’t something that I would throw the relationship/your family away over. Not in a million years. Think of all of the good things that you have together. We all make mistakes, and as long as the good outweighs the bad, I would give him an opportunity to make this right by crossing her off of his contact list.
Post # 7
I know I’m not leaving. I know that time can heal all and this could possibly help us grow but in the meantine I’m still mad as hell. I know he loves me. It has been a tough six years and I really think he liked that he could throw it in her face that he is happy but I can’t get over the anger. I mean I serious feel like punching him in the face for being so stupid. What is it with guys that they always seem to screw up when things are at there best. uggh
Post # 8
Damn that facebook! The past always comes back to haunt people, but NO, he should have NEVER added her, messaged her, and talked with her on the phone. Not behind your back. Not cool. Even if it was “harmless,” I am not big into keeping secrets.
Talk with him, maybe go to councelling, and build a stronger foundation. Regardless of what you may say, this did hurt the trust. Broken trust takes a lil while to re-build.
Hope it all works out <3
Post # 9
I realize you’re hurt, and I understand why. But you have to ask yourself how this weighs in with everything else in your relationship. He talked to someone who hurt him and got some closure. You can wear yourself out on this, or you can be very clear with him that in the future he needs to be totally transparent in order to avoid hurting your feelings. Then put it behind you and go on with planning your wedding.