- 8 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
I guess this post could go in many different categories, but I am picking “Emotional” because that’s just how I’m feeling right now!
To give some backstory on this, when my husband and I got engaged last summer, his mother had some BIG issues with our engagement. We never understood them, and all she could ever tell us was she “needed some time to get used to the idea.” After talking to some other family members, we figured that it was just an adjustment she needed to get used to, so we gave her space and I tried very hard to keep her in-the-know with all of the wedding planning (I lived out of state at the time, so I sent her weekly emails). I knew how important it was to her to feel involved, so I worked hard to keep her abreast of everything.
I moved to this state when I finished school about 6 months ago, and I thought this would definitely help fix the situation, since she would get to know me better and be around us together more often. On the surface, everything seemed to improve and she seemed happier to us about the wedding. She still didn’t really try to get to know me better, but we spent a lot of time with his family and I thought that would help things. His mom was very pushy about many details of the wedding (so was mine, for that matter) and because we would rather keep the peace than cause a fight, we went along with most of the suggestions. In the end, the only thing my fiance and I had the final say in was the wedding cake…everything else was altered to “keep the peace” with his mom. Once again, we were fine with it because we wanted everyone to be happy, and those details didn’t matter much to us.
We were married almost 3 weeks ago, and when we returned from our honeymoon the **** hit the fan. His mother has been talking to his sister, and apparently is not even close to getting over her past issues with our marriage. She still refuses to say that she is happy for us, she says he doesnt know what he’s gotten himself into with me because she has seen how I really am, and I am a controlling, childish person. She also said that I cornered my husband into marrying me because I just wanted to be married so badly I didn’t care who it was to. When I heard all of this, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach…it was devastating. I have never spent any time alone with this woman, without my husband around, for her to “see how I really am” and I am probably the least controlling (aka most people pleasing) person on the planet. There were so many personal and hateful things said about me that I feel very uncomfortable being around her now. We were over for dinner this weekend and she ignored me the WHOLE time we were there…for 3 hours.
My husband and I are very upset about all of this because she won’t talk to us, nor will she treat me kindly anymore. It seems like now that the wedding is over, she doesn’t feel she needs to keep up the happy facade she was holding before the wedding. Apparently every thing I have said or done has been scrutinized and judged without discussing any of it with my husband or I. We feel so uncomfortable and hurt by all of her actions, and when she is asked about it she just says “Well how am I supposed to act? It’s how I feel!”
I guess this was just a vent, and maybe a plea for some advice. I am hurt and upset and angry by her unfounded personal accusations, as well as her behavior toward my husband and I. Any advice?