(Closed) Hurt and having a hard time healing (LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This would not fly with me, at all. You need to address it asap so he knows that its unacceptable. Just talk to him and tell him that no matter how angry or frustrated he is, that isn’t an okay way of expressing his feelings. He needs to be able to communicate without treating you like that. And he needs to take it seriously. My fiance said something like that once and I quickly intereruped him with ‘Please, if you want this relationship to move forward you can never speak to me like that agian. It’s not okay and I will not put up with it.’ He’s never spoken to me like that again.

Good luck, sorry he was mean!

Post # 4
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, I think you should just talk to him. Sometimes people make mistakes and I firmly believe that sometimes people deserve another chance.

I think you need to talk to him about the name he called you. You are right, there is no excuse. Once name calling and putting down comes into the conversation, everything else is out the window. Talk to him about it openly and let him know that you are extremely hurt by it. Be strong and stand your ground. Let him know you will not stand for that and you deserve more respect than that.

In time you will heal. You just need to make sure he is really sorry and that he understands the severity of it.

Next, you guys should talk about the other issues about him feeling like he won’t have a life after marriage. He might just be freaking out. I felt that way for about a week before our wedding. Not sure of your ages or how long you have til your wedding or any other details about your relationship, but you guys need to communicate your thought and fears. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yeah definitely talk to him….you also said you are in a LDR….have you spent a lot of time with him?  In his own social situations etc? Sometimes, regardless how me we love someone when we are LD it’s hard to truly KNOW them…just be careful…

Post # 7
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2005

That was extremely disrespectful to you.  He’s completely misunderstanding that he’s always going to be able to hang out with them. 

You never deserve to be called a dumb bitch.

Just read your response, you handled the immediate situation perfectly. Just tell him it still hurts. And the exact phrase you used as it cutting you deep.

Post # 8
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@LaTortuga:  You can’t get past it because you’re scared of reliving the past. You’ve been there, done that, and don’t want to go through it again. I agree with PP that you need to talk about his fears of becoming like his married friends. Explain to him that you don’t expect him to stop spending time with his guys and that you arn’t going to control him like their wives. Still though, the dumb bitch thing is just wrong. I don’t know how you let that go, it would sit with me for awhile.

Post # 11
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You really need to stop making excuses for this dude. What he said wasn’t cool, you know this. You know you did not deserve that. I want to reach through the computer and shake you!

He sounds like he has alot of growing up to do if his main concern is being tied down after marriage. There are several options available as to what you can do about it, it is entirely up to you, but his attitude has got to change before you two get married.

Post # 12
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@LaTortuga:  I completely understand. I think he was disrespectful and he should not have talked to you that way. It’s completely unfair. I don’t think age/how long you have been together or anything like that is an excuse for putting down someone you love in such a belittling way. I’m sorry that you are going through this, but continue to be strong and mature. Stand up for yourself and make sure he doesn’t treat you this way again!

Post # 13
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

When you have calmed down, without anger, without tears, tell him and mean it, that as you respect him, you expect to be respected. And to never speak to you again like that – with cursing, swearing and yelling.

If he has apologized, accept his apology and don’t keep bringing up this incident. It should not happen again and IF it did, you should not tolerate it.

 

Post # 15
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Cady:  THIS!

Post # 16
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have the whole verbally abusive ex history too. He called me names, and did whatever he could to tear me down. If my Fiance called me “dumb bitch” , we would have a serious talk about delaying or canceling the wedding. I love him, but I love myself  enough to not get into a bad situation again too.

Sorry, but I have to question why “dumb bitch” immediately came out of him when talking to you. If you were annoyed with him would you immediately opt to call him a name? I’d think not. You two really need to talk about what’s going on, his fears and why he opted for name calling. For a guy his age, that’s pretty ridiculous. You have every right to be upset and not okay with what he said.

The topic ‘Hurt and having a hard time healing (LONG)’ is closed to new replies.

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