- 7 years ago
I got married a little over a week ago. The wedding was wonderful and we are still in the blissful newlywed stage. Since the wedding I feel like our relatinship has been renewed, like we fell in love all over again. In the 6+ years we’ve been a couple I haven’t been happier, but today something happened that made me feel completely deflated.
A lttle background info – I come from a broken family where my mom worked hard to support my sister and I alone. She instilled in us strong work ethics and I have always believed in working hard to earn the things you have/want.
My husband has a “baby” sister (she is 21, I am 28 and Darling Husband is 33). She is is nice person but also a big time freeloader. She lived with us for a while about 2 years ago because she didn’t want to live with her parents anymore. After 6 months of not doing anything, my husband (then fiance) told her she needed to get a job or move out. So what did she do? She moved out into her friend’s 1 bedroom apartment and crashed on the couch. That only lasted a few months, after that she eventually moved back in with her parents. They also told her she had to get a job, so she found a job at the mall where they only needed her twice a week – the easiest nonjob she could find just to say she has one.
In addition to living off other people, she also freeloads other things – food, rides, gas money, clothes, basically whatever she can get. I mean, when I was 21 I had a full time job, went to school, lived on my own (with roommates, but I paid rent). However, like I said earlier she is a nice and even funny girl, but her lack of ambition drives me crazy.
Today she called Darling Husband saying she needed a ride home from work because she was “stranded”. We had been running errands all day and were on our way to pick up some food, but we weren’t too far away so we picked her up. After we picked her up we went to a drive-thru deli to buy food. Out of courtesy Darling Husband asked her if she wanted anything. Of course she jumped on the offer, ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, a side dish, chips, and a drink. All I ordered was one small sandwich, nothing else (I had a bottled water). It’s not that we can’t afford it, but we are money conscious and trying to save up since we spent so much on the wedding.
I was hungry and irritable, so I admit I made some not-so-nice comments (sort of half jokingly). First comment I made was “Gee, do you really need the large sandwich? It wouldn’t hurt you to have a small you know.” After she ordered the next item I said “Wow do you really need that potato salad too?” As Darling Husband handed his sister the large coke she ordered, I said “A coke too? That won’t soak up the grease from the chips.” I laughed as I said this.
So then Darling Husband looked at me and jokingly said “Hey – you’re the one that couldn’t fit into your wedding dress!”
I was completely shocked, angry, and hurt. Let me say that his sister is NOT fat at all. I wasn’t trying to imply that she was fat. I was trying give her hints that she was taking advantage of our hard earned money.
Looking back, I can definitely see how they both would have taken it that way (that I was calling her fat). But I didn’t know how else to say, “Hey stop mooching off of us and buy your own damn food!”
I understand that Darling Husband loves his sister and felt the need to defend her. But I am his wife now – he knows how I feel about her freeloading – and I feel like he should be on MY side. It made me so sad.
I also know it was just a joke, because I’m not the least bit overweight and I fit in my dress just fine. I know he thought I looked beautiful on our wedding day, so that is not the issue.
Later I told him how his words hurt me, and he apologized. He said he didn’t realize what I was getting at and he thought I was just trying to be mean by calling her fat.
Even though he apologized I still feel so hurt and upset. I feel like our blissful bubble just burst because he sided with his sister over me.
I’m still angry at him for saying what he said so close to the wedding. I feel like he sort of trivialized our wedding, and now it somehow doesn’t feel as special because he’s already making jokes about the day.
Am I completely overracting? Did I have this coming for being way out of line? Any honest opinions are welcome. I just need to know if I should be as upset as I am at him or if I should be the one to apologize.